Goblins in Love: Breaking Frustrating Relationship Patterns
Once upon a time there was an adorable little Goblin who wanted nothing more than to fall in love. Like a princess in a fairy tale, she longed for another Goblin to complete and save her. She’d had many relationships, all which seemed to follow the same dramatic story line. She’d meet eyes with another Goblin, they’d have that instant spark, and then they’d jump into a hot and heavy relationship. But after the initial lust wore off a few weeks or months later, problems would start to emerge and she’d notice that this new Goblin was just like all the other Goblins she’d dated. He had a fear of commitment, loved to drink, and sometimes made her feel inferior. “But we all have faults,” she’d think to herself. “What if he leaves me and I never met another Goblin like him? I need him to feel complete. I’ll have to do what it takes to make him love me.” And so, she continued her pattern of wounding and codependency… until one day her wounds were acknowledged and everything changed.
Are you struggling with relationship patterns that aren’t in your best interest? Do you wonder why the Universe keeps sending you the same kinds of partners? Are you longing and yearning for love to complete you?
If you’re familiar with my work, you’ve probably heard me talk about the Goblin before. I use the character of the Goblin to represent the wounded ego we all have. As our shadow, the Goblin holds onto what we’ve disowned in ourselves—fears, judgment, abandonment, low self-worth, victimization, shame, anger, resentment, and so on. In past blogs as well as in my book, Remembering the Future, I talk quite a bit about the Goblin and intuition. Today I want to share my insight into how your Goblin may be keeping you stuck in relationship dramas and what you need to do to get the true partnership you deserve. .
I’ve used the tale about the little Goblin to illustrate what happens when your wounded ego is in the driver’s seat of your relationships. When you’re not conscious of this wounded aspect of yourself, you give it your power. And so, filled with repressed emotions and experiences (often from childhood), your Goblin tries to protect you by repeating false ideas and patterns, as if to prove to you that they are true. For example, if you don’t think you’re lovable, your Goblin will look for an experience that will validate that false belief. If you’re unconsciously afraid of commitment or you don’t think you deserve real love, your Goblin will find you partners who are also afraid of commitment. If deep down you’re a people pleaser and think you have to change for someone to love you, then your Goblin will find you someone who is controlling. Unfortunately, when your Goblin is running the show, it can’t have a relationship with anyone else but another Goblin. Hence, you keep attracting the same kinds of “damaged” goods, leaving you feeling frustrated that you have such bad luck. Believe me, I know who how frustrating that is… I’ve been there! And I’m happy to tell you that you can change all this.
When you own your wounded ego and become conscious of the patterns, then you’ll attract a relationship that reflects the healthier part of you. The Goblin is an important part of your relationship story because it points you to opportunities for healing and growth. The problem is that many of us just keep repeating the patterns without stopping to look closely at how our unconscious beliefs may be impacting our experience. We get frustrated with other people or curse the Universe when we really need to see that we are the common denominator in all of our experiences. Though that might sound a bit scary, it’s actually quite empowering. As the common denominator, you have the ability to change your experience by digging deep within yourself and developing awareness. When you get to know and love the wounded part of yourself, you reconnect with your soul and intuition and open yourself to a mutually committed partnership.
Exercise:
Notice the patterns: Make a list of all the “positive” and “negative” qualities that are common to the people you’ve attracted. Then, look at how you also own those qualities. Pay special attention to the “negative” qualities that caused you the most frustration. How have you exhibited those qualities?
For example, let’s say Jamie says that all of the men she’s attracted have abandoned her. If she puts the attention back on herself, she may also see that she has an expectation of abandonment or that she has abandoned herself by not staying loyal to her dreams of a mutual partnership.
Send love to your Goblin!: Meditation is a great way to send love to your Goblin. So, take some time this week to do my Goblin meditation, which is in my Say Hello to Your Goblin blog.
And, please share your thoughts about this blog in the comment box. Remember we all learn from one another.
In service and love,
And please, if you found this information useful, then spread the love and use the Share This link below to share this post with people you know, facebook or twitter.
Become part of our wonderful community with a monthly draw for a free 15 minute reading with Colette, our newsletter, and so many giveaways. Go to the HOME page and join now!
.
(8 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading ...
I just hung up the phone after talking to a friend about my relationship woes to find this blog. I’m in the midst of owning my wounded ego and onto healing. It’s been difficult to take action after “standing still” for eight years so I look forward to checking out the meditation in hopes of strengthening my will center.
Thank you!
This advice is extremely helpful to us who are wanting to experience a great love. We shift all the blame to the other in order not to face our demons(globins), and then wonder why we can’t attract a healthy relationship. I tend to attract or I’m attracted to really frugal(cheap) men…why? Is it because I’m frugal too? And here I thought I spoiled myself…I guess I have to work on the list negative and positive qualities/patterns.
I am reading Harville Hendrix’s book – Find the love you want. It takes this concept and expands it out into numerous exercises. I was given it recently and it really pulls apart the issues that you dont recognise about yourself. After 5 years of healing myself and being an intuitive healer, this book is taking me on another growth spurt, particularly after waiting to get married late in life and finding that i had the same unhelpful relationship as i had before i had done all this healing work.
Thank you for this article! I believe this applies to all relationships. I’m noticing my patterns and “nipping” them before they can spread like wildfire. I’ve made a list of qualities that I look for in a partner and ask myself “do you possess these? If not, what will it take for you to do so.” It’s helping me recognize the types of guys I used to be attracted to and how it wasn’t healthy for me. I’d rather be alone than with a guy who isn’t right for me.
I also noticed how I expect family members to change because I changed. I tell myself they’re free to be who they are but I can only take so much of the negative self talk and fear that runs their life. I had no idea how fearful my mom is. I love her but have no desire to be like her. And, her fears are her own, not mine.
I only want the best for my family but it’s up to them to realize they want and deserve a better life. I’m learning to love them no matter what. However, I do think it would be better for me to do this at a distance. Unfortunately, I moved back to my hometown for financial reasons and have been having many “aha moments.” My goal is to clean up my karma and release that which needs to be released and move out again.
dear collette. this is such a true story i have been goinh throught this for years i meet the same kind of guys and it goes no where.i guess its hard to break tghe cycle nad also lokk into myself and i dont want to be alone, i am 47 and realizing now .how stupid i was all these years. but time is gone and i have to improve my self esteem and know i am going to find a great man to marry one day.it takes alot ot build your self esteem once it has been damaged for years..i have made a promise to myself this year i am goinmg to chnge my ways. i have been praying about it., i dont want to grow old by myself, thanks so much much for this article. it helped me alot take care sandy
dear ms collete. thanks for the article. it helped me alot reading this. i said i have been doing this for years in the same pattern and meeting the same kind of men. its my fault also i need to build up my self esteem but it takes alot of willpower. and also you dont want to be alone. i made a promise to myself i was going to make a change this year for the best. women get caught up in these relationships and waste alot of good time they could have spent being happy with the right person. thanks so much sandy
Leave your response!
Tao Quotes
Guest authors:
Archives
Tag Cloud
Daily Stars with Shelley von Strunckel
www.shelleyvonstrunckel.comOnce you understand that this is one of those times when you can succeed or have things your way, but not both, everything else will be simple. The problem is that while your objectives once made sense, the actual circumstances you're dealing with have changed. Success demands you rethink those goals. By Shelley von Strunckel
Some changes are easy to understand and as easily dealt with. Those you're contending with at the moment, however, are far more complicated. This is primarily because they involve changes far more complex than you've previous contemplated. Disruptive as they seem, the world around you is changing and so, too, must you. By Shelley von Strunckel
This is a period of breakthroughs. While in some cases you recognise why certain changes are necessary and what you'll gain from them, others seem no more than a nuisance. Ironically, those that you regard as the greatest source of irritation now will prove the most beneficial, and in the shortest time. By Shelley von Strunckel
Initially, others' suggestions may be more to their taste than anything you'd want to get involved in. As it happens, they know you better than you think. Enough that in this particular case it's worth at least exploring what they have in mind. Once you do, you'll wonder why you hesitated for even a moment. By Shelley von Strunckel
Ordinarily you'd never commit to something or, indeed, somebody without at least being enthusiastic about it. Ideally, you want to feel passion. There are, however, one or two situations in which logic must prevail over those feelings. Dull as this is from your perspective, it's by far the best approach. By Shelley von Strunckel
Challenging as some of the situations you're currently facing may be, they'll all preparing you for the amazing offers promised by the planetary activity in about a week's time. What's taking place now is, on one hand, clearing out the old and, on the other, slowing introducing exciting new developments. By Shelley von Strunckel
Personal issues can be dealt with according to mood and convenience. Business or money matters need to wait until you've gathered facts enough to have a reasonable discussion. That certainly isn't the case now and probably won't be until your ruler Venus' clash with Pluto, in the middle of next week. By Shelley von Strunckel
Obviously, sometimes sudden changes in routine can be avoided. This is exactly what you're facing. The problem is, you're concerned one particular individual will interpret your absence from various social events as reason for concern. While it's worth explaining, such matters bother you but they worry others far less than you think. By Shelley von Strunckel
It's not that things are unsettling. Actually, you rather enjoy the challenge of coming to terms with the new and unexpected. It's that those around you are anxious, complaining about the impact of changes or actually suffering. There's only one solution, and that's to encourage them to explore, just as you do. By Shelley von Strunckel
During periods of rapid and unpredictable change, such as this is, there's a tendency to stick with the familiar. However, this could mean that, while others are exploring, you're learning nothing. The trick is to ensure you're out and about, learning what you can, yet retain a safe port to retreat to when necessary. By Shelley von Strunckel
From your perspective, loyalty means being there, no matter what. Bear in mind that not everybody thinks the same way. This is especially important now, because somebody you've trusted could seem to be distancing themselves from you when, in reality, they've sudden and very demanding obligations. There's no reason for concern. By Shelley von Strunckel
Waste no time justifying what your intuition tells you to those who insist all such matters are nonsense, as many do. Should they challenge you, smile and say no more. However, when those who have sincere questions want more information, tell them what you can. It could change their life. By Shelley von Strunckel
© 2009 Shelley von Strunckel
Recent Posts
Most Commented
Most Viewed