Do You Think All the Good Ones Are Taken? It’s Time to Change Your Mindset!
Have you ever found yourself mumbling that there just aren’t any good men or women left? Or, maybe a friend has adamantly declared that all the good ones are taken and you both should just go join a nunnery or monastery?
“are there any good women or men left?”
I’ve come across many single people on the verge of giving up on love because they can’t seem to find good partners. I know meeting people can be tough, but I’m here to tell you that there are tons of fantastically great single men and women out there. You just have to train yourself to see them!
“there are a lot of great partners out there”
If you look at the world thinking that there aren’t any good single men or women, you’ll only see the “no good” prospects. But, if you walk around with a mindset that there are tons of amazing people just waiting to meet you, then you’ll find those amazing partners.
“there are tons of amazing people just waiting to meet you”
One of the best ways to retrain your mind to see the many great single prospects out there is to browse online dating sites as a form of meditation. Just go to one or many online dating websites and browse profiles of men/women for 15-20 minutes a day for 30 consecutive days. While many of you know I met my husband Marc online and am a big proponent of online dating, this exercise doesn’t require that you sign up and contact people. Rather, by just browsing the profiles of people who want to meet someone, your subconscious mind becomes coherent with your new belief that there is a plethora of great men/women out there.
“there is a plethora of great men/women out there”
Going online is also a great way to gauge who you are now and who you need to become to find the right partner. If you want to take it a step further, pay attention to the types of profiles that peak your interest. Use your intuition to get a sense of what that person is like and why you gravitate to him/her.
“Look for any red flags: yours and theirs”
For example, you might notice that you tend to click on all the heartthrobs who are holding beers in most of their photos. Or, you notice all the women who say they’re only looking for fun. Keep browsing and pay attention! When you notice someone who has the qualities you’re truly looking for, think about who you need to become to be with this type of person.
“be the person who would attract the perfect partner”
Browsing dating sites is like stirring the pot—it signals to the universe that you’re ready for a great partner. Again and again, I’ve had clients and friends do this online browsing meditation for 30 days and then meet their partner while out and about at places like gas stations and coffee shops. I also know many people who have ended up with someone they found online while retraining their subconscious, including myself!
“go shopping, try your prospects on like they were shoes. Look for the perfect fit, because there is no such thing as the perfect shoe”
“And beware the eye candy shoes…. they give you blister, bunions, sore feet and sore legs, find comfortable, a fit so you can be yourself”
Remember there’s a lid for every pot. In fact, there are lots of great lids for every pot. So, start stirring the pot!
Exercise: Visit one or many online dating sites (i.e. PlentyofFish.com, Match.com, LavaLife.com, etc.) and browse for 15-20 minutes each day for 30 consecutive days. Start today and report back on your experience!
Love,
Colette
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Hi, Colette,
I’m so glad you used the online dating sites as a form of “meditation”, and not necessarily a good venue for meeting men. While it’s so awesome you met your guy there, the statistics show that very few people actually meet online, form long term relationships and STAY together (i.e., marriage, etc.). The online sites are mostly money making machines…and if my experiences and those of all (yes, I did say all! LOL) my friends are ‘typical’. We’re all good looking woman who would be great catches
In fact, take a look at this article posted just today, and you’ll see that the majority of people on the online sites are NOT finding “love”, but something else… http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35338085/ns/technology_and_science-love_in_the_digital_age/?GT1=43001
I really love your work. And I may try this…if I can move past my own cynicism! LOL
O.K. and this is weird. I just went to type in the words for the security deal, and what is the first one? “Betray”.
The thing is,I meet tons of great guys but, I’m a maneater and a sabatoger. I am NOT proud of this and I have every excuse in the world as to why I rough on them…or let them run me over. I need help but I don’t know where to begin. It’s like I can only be friends with a guy/take care of him in a motherly way(which in turn backfires), or I can’t be bothered and I ignore their affection because I feel they are moving too slow.
I’ve talked to my therapist about this but, I think I need a spiritual perspective. I’m more spiritual than medicinal…if that even makes sense LOL!
Waiting for responses to this blog…
I think it helps if people are “ready” to date. If you’re looking for someone who is kind and compassionate, but you’re judgmental and bitter, how will you find that person? I’m speaking from experience. I believe a “shift” has to occur in you to realize how you’re sabotaging your chances of finding a partner for you. It’s not easy to look in the mirror, but when you do, it free you.
I’ve taken Collete’s advice about searching the dating sites and browsed through the profiles. I noticed that my “tastes” have changed and it’s showing up in my life. When you’re used to being drawn to the dark and mysterious, bad boy type (only to get burned), and now find yourself attracted to what you’re really looking for, you question if it’s really happening. It’s kind of cool and enlightening at the same time!
Clever post Collette, makes sense. It could also be worth adding a couples picture in a loving embrace on a dreams board if that helps too.
On what has been said about mysterious, bad boy type guys. When you look back at the guys now do you feel that was really what they were or still are. Or do you see guys and the women they attract lacking something in themselves? To me a bad boy is a guy who has enough will power in fighting the demons within himself, passing through his accumulated fears to become a more noble man, someone who puts truth before love so as to attract more better life giving experiences and people to himself and so the love he attracts, has purpose. For love without purpose surely would be a degenerate love and would attract like. I don’t think there is anything more beautiful than a man in truth and a woman in love which to me is the natural state of man and woman.
Good question. I moved away and on with my life so I’m not sure if they are still who they were when I knew them. I worked on myself long enough to see the patterns in my life. Some of us have been attracted to guys who are not available because you’re not ready for a commitment. It’s the \mirror reflection.\ I figured that on while on my soulful journey. Thank goodness I saw the light.
BTW: My definition of a \bad boy\ is totally different. He’s the type of guy that is free and does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. He may engage in certain activities that others may not approve of or wouldn’t have the courage to do. He lives by his own rules and no others. He’s an artist of life. He has a certain \twinkle\ in his eyes that makes women swoon. Does he have commitment issues? Probably. Everyone has their own perceptions…
OK I have to chime in here. I have done a TON of online dating, and while it’s true, I am not married, I have met several incredible soul mates, and have some very engaging relationships that, while not ideal, have enriched my life tremendously. I don’t regret a moment of my online escapades.
Check out this endearing story in Newsweek-I just stumbled on it today by accident . http://www.newsweek.com/id/193383 It’s a classic tale of what it is to be human in the age of ever amazing technology.
With regard to statistics, in this age of miracles, I think more than anything, it’s the statistics themselves that I tend to look at with skepticism- for many reasons. Statistics are only as limited as the research methods used to collect them- and they are often subject to biased and other faults of design.
Without statistics then, how can we be guided? Perhaps intuition. I can say for sure from my exeperience that not every man is looking only for quick action online. Online dating is sometimes the only viable alternative for some people. For me, it gave me alot of practice in getting to know lots of people in a condensed amount of time- it gave me many experiences with red flags, and screening that just isn’t able to happen that quickly in real life. So while I haven’t met the guy yet, and I am in am “off” phase right now,I am not willing to rule out the internet at allfor the future!
[...] love, dating, and relationships. I’ve talked about everything from reinventing your love life and changing your dating mindset to using your intuition when it comes to the scent of attraction and the sound of your date’s [...]
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