Have You Made Your Home in Codependent Land?!
Updated: November 12, 2012
Codependent Land is when you’ve given up your power and you need to be needed.
Are you trying to fix someone? Are you being supportive even to yours and the other person’s detriment? We don’t want to recognize this in ourselves but it’s important to know when you have landed back in a position of fixer. Can you see that you are enmeshed with someone else? Do you recognize when you are people –pleasing?
When you find yourself there again, does it feel like home? Why are you here, again?
It will help if you use a visual exercise to recognize how entangled you are with the other person and their “success” or recovery. Look for the threads that keep you there. Feeling needed? Feeling loved? Doing something good? Holding someone up?
Are you willing to break those threads and let go of the person? Visually let go of the other person and be who they are. What feelings are attached to that image?
If you know you are motivated by the need to be needed, where else could you fill that need without having an agenda? Be careful not to move right back into Codependent Land. Stay a safe distance from people who like to be rescued.
What if you volunteered at a pet rescue facility and walked dogs or spent time with other animals? You can provide love and comfort without taking any new family members home with you! Other opportunities could be tutoring a child, working with a literacy group or helping with a local charity. You would be supporting the success of someone else without becoming the fixer.
When you look back on past friendships and romantic relationships, have you found yourself in Codependent Land? What helped you to make your way out of that landscape? Do you recognize it much sooner because of your past experiences? Please share your story in the Comments section below.
In service and love,