My weight totally affects my love life but I think it’s mostly related to confidence. I am more confident when I weigh less. More men seem to be attracted to me when I am smaller. So, is it really size or what I
feel on the inside? If I could be ok with that, I’d be set!!

I can say I have been on both sides of the scale as well. I gained a little weight back but now heading to the gym again because I feel better with less weight. I think even though I have a sensitive body I get frustrated because when I lost my weight quickly and have loose skin from it. In my past relationships it has affected my intimacy with partners now. I can’t seem to get past that complex. I can’t stand my own stomach. I recently took up belly dance because of a broken relationship. I love it. It’ such a very feminine dance and very grounding for me. I love the costumes and get deeply sad that and depressed at times that I really want to wear those beautiful costumes but because of my stomach it bothers me. When I go on dates this often affects me, will I physically disgust them? as I had one boyfriend in the past who told me so. I often say I would like to meet a partner who accepts me for me but trying to feel good about my body it’s very hard for me at times. I’ve been told not to do a tummy tuck if I want children because then it’s wasted work. I want a family in my future, but as for finding the right partner, it’s hard. I’ve been told I have such a cute and attractive face but it’s like the rest of me is something else, I can get away with hiding my stomach with clothes but I just don’t know what else to do. I have chosen to be alone in some ways because of it, and I am setting myself up for disappointment cause I am doing it to myself but I can’t say that I am not afraid because I am.

Has anybody here ever watched “Shallow Hal?” I think it’s a great movie with a message that everyone should watch..

That being said. I can tell you I’m not sure if it’s a biological or natural instinct for men (and women do this too..) to judge more harshly based on looks and only right away to be attracted and want to date women who are fit and not overweight. Scientists, biologists, anthropologists all have answers of why genetically we seek out physically fit partners or why men love women with large breasts, etc. and it’s about health, their biology,etc. just like what women prefer in men that are tall, etc. as it signals high levels of testerone so he’s healthy and with women those with larger breasts is a signal of a healthy female with high levels of estrogen.

But, what they don’t take into account however is even though that is on the surface and we all have those instincts we all feel connections I believe that go on beyond that..yes, we are always going to be sexually attracted to other people, fantasize about other people and perhaps don’t have the “perfect” person but that is how our human brain works. However, I think our society, culture, and media adds to this distorted thinking which makes everyone feel that they aren’t enough.

I can talk from experience..being overweight I had perhaps a few men very few that wanted to date me (like 2 or 3) and now I can tell you not being as large I get treated much better by men and others…as well as a sexual interest or to date or be around. I think we are biologically pre-dispositioned to be like this but we every human being as the Buddha says deserves their love and respect.

I also think though that our brains and souls are advanced enough to want more than just that and we can be attracted to people and love for varying reasons.

The thing that hurts is that I was advised not to date a particular guy because of his looks even though I was instantly attracted to him..there was something about him and he had things I had actually wrote down I wanted in a man and made a funny request to the angels about having him come right through the front door. He asked me out but I was too afraid to say yes do to my issues with not thinking I was good enough,etc. I could see he felt something right away too but people also made assumptions he just wanted to be with me for my looks but that was not the case and then others assumed he for his money which I wasn’t aware of at the time that he had money. I was attracted to how respectful he was, how he was the only guy to offer help when I needed it when I was trying to put something together, and he was very gentle, sensitive, shy..musically inclined and a whole other things like being family oriented, into books,etc. I found him also physically attractive even though a lot of women and other people were saying, you are too good looking for him, he’s ugly,etc. It really hurt me deeply. Romance/love/dating is not just an exterior thing….

It’s sad how we are brainwashed to a degree when it comes to love, dating..that if you look like this or that then you aren’t allowed to date or want love..how does that add up? Every person is entitled to love irregardless if they are quote on quote hot, good looking, etc. I don’t think it’s fair but we tend to judge each other very harshly as many struggle with self-love….so how do we overcome that? We have to learn to accept and love but it’s easier said then done because I struggle with it everyday.