Difficulty Connecting in a New Environment?!


Updated: March 26, 2013


Dear Colette,

I recently came back to my home town, it’s been three months and I need some advice on finding new friends.  I’ve been participating in various athletic classes but I can’t seem to make any connections with anybody.  I’m a nice person but I do have a bit of a social anxiety that probably relates to fear of judgment and lack of self-confidence.  Do you have any tips so that I can let down my wall and attract some good people into my life?  I want to feel engaged! – Trying to Connect


Dear Trying to Connect,

Congratulations on getting out and looking to get engaged.  That’s a step in the right direction.  Now let’s talk about motivation.  Make sure you approach every “friend opportunity” from a place of giving and not receiving.  Rather than focus on possible judgment from others, think about your own state of mind.

Whenever we are happy, smiling, and we bring our joy to others they are attracted to us.  Making a real connection is more about “what can I give to the situation, rather than what can I take away from it?”

So, if you’re looking to make new friends, the best thing that you can do is to be generous with your smiles and your energy.  Make the first move to be inclusive. Be chatty. Even if you are shy assume others are shy also and just go the extra mile. Be helpful.

Love and blessings,
Colette Baron-Reid
Intuitive Counselor


If you have a question you would like to ask Colette, write to her at [email protected]All published questions and answers will be anonymous – we honor and protect your privacy.

Showing 3 comments
  • Lesley Lavarack

    Excellent advice, thanks Colette. I’m going through a divorce and have realised that hiding away at home is no way to live. I feel inspired to get out there!

  • Marcia Rae

    I am also praying for guidance in finding relationships with like minded people. I am an artist living in a small conservative town and feel very isolated. Thank you for the suggestion to change my perspective and focus on what I can give rather than what others can give to me. The best advice I ever got was “If I want a friend, then I have to be a friend” Colette, your words remind me of this spiritual principle.

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