Spirituality and Sex: Not Mutually Exclusive!

Updated: June 7, 2013


Setting the scene:  Over coffee, two women are discussing their interest in sharing erotic material with their husbands.  Another woman at the next table is shocked at the context of the conversation given one of the women’s role as a spiritual adviser within the community.

“Her behavior surprises me. She’s supposed to be so spiritual.”

This is an interesting and often common belief – to be spiritual, Christian or generally religious, you are expected to be disconnected from the human sexual experience that may be seen as unclean or unholy.

Spirituality does not mean to release yourself from your desires. It means that there is a healthy way of going about it.  If you have a desire it doesn’t mean that you are any less spiritual and you should not feel the need to make your life devoid of joy and pleasure.

Being spiritual does not mean you should divert yourself from your human experience. You are a spiritual being having a human experience, not a human trying to be spiritual and denying your human experience. Eroticism, self-pleasuring, and self-care are very, very personal. It’s something that each individual has to decide how they want to express it.

Unless you are a member of a particular dogma, spirituality doesn’t mean self-sacrifice.  For instance in Christianity nuns and priest practice celibacy as a means to commit their entire beings to Jesus.  But different religions have their individual beliefs that are not intended to be cast on all of their followers.

But don’t mistake religion for spirituality.  Sex can be seen as divine co-creation and bringing two lives together as one. It is the meeting of body and soul with another’s body and soul.  When you think about it, the universe as we know it is a result of sexual energy—all life-form’s continued existence is a result of the connection of the flesh. There are also Eastern philosophies that believe sex can be used as a means to reach the divine.  And what can be said about Kama Sutra?  It’s not merely about sexual positions it is about connection to the sexual energy and intimacy of your partner.

Remember that in honoring your spirituality you engage in practices of self-care and generosity towards others.  You are in service to others as a means of connection to the Divine.  This also applies to your intimate relationships.  By engaging in pleasure and joy with your partner and being generous with your partner, you are connected to your spiritual being, not just your human experience.

Many blessings,
Colette Baron Reid

The InVision Project
Founder, CEO

If you have a question you would like to ask Colette, write to her at [email protected]All published questions and answers will be anonymous – we honor and protect your privacy. (Please, Colette respectfully asks that you do not request a reading as the anticipated response to your question.)

Showing 12 comments
  • Tina Wilson

    Very well said and timely ~ does that surprise me? no 🙂 thank you for your words of wisdom

  • Lorraine Allen

    I would like to say… I agree with you ..Colette as long as the sex @ intimacy is safe and a very enjoyable experience for both parties.

  • Jason


    Thank you for broaching this topic. First, let me say that to walk away from an accident that turned a bike into “parts” is a miracle in itself. I’m thankful you are still with us, alas for my own selfish selfish reasons… I digress.

    The two words you are using, “religious” and “spiritual,” have vastly different meanings, yet people often think of them as synonymous. Spirituality is your very own connection to the divine source. To say that someone is or isn’t spiritual, to me, represents how connected they are with everything and how much they feel and appreciate that connection. Religion, on the other hand, is “tradition” and “rules,” more guidelines for how to worship and remain in the good grace of whomever you feel spiritual about. You do not need to be religious to be spiritual, and you do not have to be spiritual to be religious. That being said…

    If your religion forbids sex for any reason, chances are you have gone against your religion many, many times. Does it make you feel further away from the divine? I think all it really does is give you insecurities. Does religion make you feel like some government agent is watching everything you do with disdain? That all your friends can somehow see it and think it is ugly?

    So, instead of getting insecure about wanting to enjoy one of the greatest thrill rides this lifetime has to offer, what if we did it spiritually- connected to the Divine within us and within our partners? Have the entire act be a ritual that makes the energy between the two people sacred or an offering to the spirit which we all come from and return to. What if you loved the person you are having sex with as much as the divine loved you? What if your partner felt the same?

    Sounds so much better than a hole in a sheet…

    If our children were taught to find this kind of spiritual love first inside themselves and then knew how to love like this as adults, we wouldn’t have to worry about teen intimacy as much as parents or our children marrying the “wrong people” because their connection to their own Spirituality wouldn’t let them make those harmful decisions religion says they are going to make. So, when you think that sex is wrong or bad… Maybe you are not “doing it” correctly.


    • Lesley

      Very well said Jacen & Colette!

    • Sandra

      Excellent comment dear, you’re nailing it, thanks !

    • Lori

      Great article Colette and great response Jason!

  • Tia Johnson

    Amen, Colette! Very well put. I don’t get why some people think that way. Spirituality is so multi-layered that it would include sex. Not to mention that we are here to have the human experience.

  • Martina

    Yes yes yes!!! One of my favorite quotes is: “to love another person is to see the face of God” from Les Miserables. And “love” is everything on a continuum from platonic to familial to eros. So so glad to read this blog and to share it with others. It’s time to take sexual intimacy out of the ‘shame closet.’ Totally agree. Thank you!

  • Am

    Thank you for posting this! Regardless of age and social class everyone gets a little confused about sex and spirituality. <3

  • Tracy

    I have read in many spiritual guidance books that healthy sexual activity truly enhances the awakening process, and can open places in the spirit otherwise unknown. This really resonates for me and I believe it for myself.

  • sharon

    as someone who lives with a disability unable to date i feel this part of my life missing as well as socializing- how does one find love when they are disabled and unable to go out to meet people? Intimacy is such an important part of life.

  • Harish Davda

    Excellent, well put. Sex: two people coming together, their souls meeting and they have a good time and enjoy the fusion of energy. To me, this is what ‘tantric sex’ is all about and it has been practised for thousands of years.

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