The Boot of Shame – Part 2!
Updated: June 14, 2013
Yesterday , in The Boot of Shame – Part 1 I humbly shared my experience of the motorcycle accident that set my latest life awareness in motion.
Today I’d like to share the next steps of this wonderfully mindful (and yet most days mind-numbingly frustrating) journey.
When the doctors told me (ok, more like ordered me) to stay in bed I hadn’t realized how much I was in denial. Not about the severity of my injuries, but of what it meant to be still—not the kind of still we get to in meditation (that I’ve mastered)—not the kind you fit in and then go back to your busy life.
I had been in denial about how deep my entire being was infused with the narrative that if I was not being creative, being busy, being productive, giving to others and working very, very hard, that I was not allowed to exist at all, let alone relax and heal. Truly it was my dirty little secret.
How dare that story live inside me – I declared!
Writing about it in my journal and discussing it with a few close friends while I was on the fly, refusing to slow down one iota was my way of identifying the seductive little character flaw and accepting it, but in complete denial of having done nothing about it.
And so, for some reason after hanging up the phone lamenting my truly horrific injuries with a friend, I decided to walk down the stairs.
That sounds relatively normal yes? You’re hungry, it’s supper, the kitchen is not near the bedroom, which means some kind of trip will have to take place to get close to the food. However, I was in a leg brace, one leg so swollen I couldn’t bend it without fainting, my dominant hand sprained, and I will spare you all the rest except to say that I thought it perfectly reasonable that I should be able to get out of the cage of my bedroom and go down to the kitchen to surprise Marc.
And surprised he was, and a rainbow of other feelings like panic, helpless, stupefied, mortified and amazed.
The last three steps were my downfall (pun intended). There was that undeniable and fateful snap that brought me back to the hospital for x-rays and the calm declaration that Yes, you just broke your good foot and now you must be fitted with a special boot to be worn always for two months.
A wonderful addition to my crutches, cane and pretty blue walker – not.
Hence why I am showing you my boot of shame. I call it the boot of shame in the same way that I call the Elizabethan collar we put on our pets when they’re injured. I am just as miserable.
Speedy Gonzales Baron-Reid needs to slow down. Ya Think?
My dear friend Dr. Darren Weissman – the originator of the Lifeline technique had been with me through this entire saga. We called him from the emergency room while the stupefied doctors listened to me yelling that they must not give me morphine until I called someone to find out if I would still be sober 27 years. I was not going to have any of THAT!
Of course I was already strung up to a bag of it while they cut me out of my jeans. My husband held the phone to my ear while Darren took me through a process I swear saved me.
I’m mentioning Dr. Weissman because he checked in on me frequently and was very stern about my needing to get off coffee, which was not helping my inflammation and leeching calcium from my bones. So my husband and I decided to go all out and confess to all of you that indeed I was drinking bone leech juice as part of my chosen recovery vice. But…But…But…it’s my only one!
Like I always say, choose a new story and repeat it often enough it will change the way you see things. I am happy to report I’m down to two mugs a day from a number I refuse to admit.
So what’s the point of me sharing all of this with you? I’m supposed to be an inspiration to all of you and so far I’m not so inspiring am I?
All joking aside, this fated accident has brought me into some of the most important soul disclosure of my life. Uncovering deep shame buried so far down in my being, and recognizing that I’ve been a puppet to an invisible script, playing a part in a narrative sleepwalking through my world is the most excruciating and liberating experience of my short life. I’m still processing all of this and I will write more about it in the next few weeks as I’m able to make sense of things but for now know that my humor isn’t about being trite or about reducing this to a sound bite. It’s my way of coping and to stay connected with you.
Prior to the accident I had already made radical plans to overhaul my offering to the world- you’ll all see the result in the fall. I quit my radio show to regroup, rebrand, re-consider my value to others. (Fear not – there will be awesome podcasts and special tele-seminars just for my tribe that we’ll have like private radio shows just for us- after I heal so stay tuned.) I had already been stripping down the public Colette, what I want to write about, what I teach, how I language things, who I’m best serving, etc.
Real transformation isn’t about being superficial. The caterpillar doesn’t just check in by choice to a fancy schmancy cocoon hotel with cable TV, her favorite sheets and leaves and soft pillows only to emerge a stunning creature that can fly. Or, perhaps a better analogy would be Spa Metamorphosis where she signs up for massages, pedicures, and exfoliation before the Butterfly extravaganza.
Nope. I’ve been compelled to this, beginning before the accident, knowing I had no choice but to change into something I wasn’t sure of but I knew a brand new version of me had something to do with it. I might have mistaken the Harley for the butterfly but who knows.
I get a kick out of some spiritual teachers who talk about energy and all you need to do is change your energy and kaboom you get to bypass the cocoon, larva and pupa stages that are messy and painful and destructive and raging and nightmarish and filled with angst and suffering, and go straight to BUTTERFLY yowza.
For me, I am in it all the way. Looking at some really cruddy ego stuff that had me prisoner even though I had no idea I was one trapped was/is essential for the changes that are foundational for evolution.
That’s the whole point I’m saying for us all. We are all in various stages of change and transformation, stripping down what doesn’t work, cleaning house, sometimes seeing our homes ripped out from under us, sometimes being under the illusion that it’s by choice that we’re evolving. Perhaps we’re already at a powerful place in the scheme of things but still we’re compelled to evolve and strip down the pieces of us that don’t serve anyone anymore–not us, not others, not nature, not culture, not Spirit.
If you’re lucky you’ll be able to ask the genie of the Universe to get you from where you are to where you want to be without struggling, self- evaluation, making amends, humility, loss and discovering things about yourself that proves you’re just a work in progress. Supersonic transformation! Let me know if you find the bottle.
I feel lucky enough to be willing to look into the dark shadows of shame and fear and find perspective not to look away and say I don’t have to deal with that energy rather just accept it, absorb it and move on. I allow the deep dive into the pain and see it as a gift in strange wrapping paper as Dr. Darren Weissman refers to it. Do I like it- heck NO! I just don’t deny it and as a result I will experience everything in the adventure and come out the victor driven by courage and compassion and at the end of the day I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So if you’re having a rough time these days looking within, wondering how the structures of your life can hold you up, seeing how the track ahead can be treacherous but knowing that miracles await if you can only get through whatever difficult terrain you’re travelling on to find the best version of YOU and your life – Hang in there.
Don’t quit before the miracle happens. It will.
I’m still in the cocoon for a bit and I’m in awe of all the goopy crap that defined me when I was a hot shot caterpillar that had to die. I’m changing, past the worst of it, learning to love the parts of me that kept me prisoner in my shame. Looking at my boot to remind me I need to learn to go slow now, for a while at least. I have no clue really what kind of butterfly I will become. I do know that I will have to be the one to break the walls of the cocoon, so my wings will be strong.
So my beautiful wonderful tribe I want you to know how much I appreciate you, how much I love you for hanging in there with me.
We’re going to be doing things a little differently once I’m better. There will be weekly video blogs, new websites, and lots of new ways for me to support you to move forward into the big vision of your life. You’ll see small changes and hints at what’s coming on Facebook and Twitter this summer bit by bit.
I’m going to be inviting you to become my tribe of invisionairies – willing to see yourselves as leaders and influencers moving forward to the best vision of you. We live in interesting and powerful times.
Let’s do this transformation dance together.
One step at a time.
Love you all.. stay tuned.
Colette Baron Reid
The InVision Project
Founder, CEO
intuition-insight-influence
Yes, my friend, yes. Say yes to all of this, and the new WILL emerge. In the meantime, take the day off. Love you.
Colette….Sweet Colette,
I am happy that you are going within to heal because that has been your advise to all of us for so long. I have been on my own transformational journey for over a year since I was blind-sighted and abandoned by my partner….. and the strength for me has been you!!
I work with the cards ( I have all your decks) every day….I wait for your daily card and I feel the message because you feel it. I have been in my own isolation (cocoon) rambling around in this big house alone. Finding ways to enjoy every room for some activity so I can experience all of this universe that has me captive. Its lovely and lonely and loving and loveless all at the same time.
So…hang in there and thanks for sharing your journey as we travel through parallel universes please feel a hug from me, I will share my Indian name that I discovered on my last trip to Sedona….Princess Hopeful Heart.
Thanks Colette – for sharing your wisdom, pain and insights. I guess drastic action was needed to slow you down! Not once but twice! 🙂 Timing for me personally is perfect. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Liz
Thank you for putting all of this out there. I am in my cocoon stage now too. I thought I was in the perfect alignment to quit my job and start my own business. A year later, I’ve spent my savings and took a job that pays about half of what I was making before.
I spent the first few weeks mad and feeling sorry for myself. After all of the hard work I’ve done on myself and my business, how could I fail?
And now I’ve started to laugh. My business very well could take off. And if it doesn’t, it just means something even better – something I can’t conceive yet – will take its place.
My current job is my boot. And I’m remaining open to the miracles and opportunities here, even though there are times during the day that I must remind myself of that. But the fact that I can laugh about all of this crazy life stuff just means I’m halfway there.
Love to you.
Jen,
I am in the same space as you, but I haven’t given up on the business yet because I have my husband to support me. Does that serve me? No. Absolutely no. I hate owing anyone for anything or being dependent on someone else. I’m frustrated at my decision, but know I haven’t seen the final result yet. I totally agree with your statement: “My business very well could take off. And if it doesn’t, it just means something even better – something I can’t conceive yet – will take its place”
Whoo-hoo. We are all messengers for each other and you are a messenger for me. I left corporate America June 8, 2012 to move into my business full time. I took that step, went gang busters until November and then fell flat on my face, not literally, but emotionally. I cocooned myself all winter and am just coming out of a major winter depression of loneliness and sorrow. In May I planted a beautiful soul garden to view from my kitchen window and connected to a small group on-line. I began an art class last Monday. All out of self love, to step out of my head and shift my energy into creativity. I can feel the shift. Blessings to you for your share to know I’m not alone.
Blessing to you, Colette. I’ve followed you for years, saw you live in Philly, and read your cards daily. I can tell you when I pulled a challenger card, I totally pay attention. Chin up sweet lady, you are an empowered, strong woman and cocooning serves each of us in whatever manner spirit desires. It’s probably the second most difficult thing I have ever experienced, but it made me realize that I am not in control of my destiny. Only Spirit knows my true soul path and while I am patiently waiting for it to unfold, I decided that I would do so with joy and creativity.
Take a look at Zentangles on Amazon while you are resting. The technique may give you an opportunity to create some amazing tarot cards. I recommend the colored technique – much more joyful. Hugs from one caterpillar to another, and another, and another. 🙂 Jan
I’m so sorry you are suffering right now Colette! I am not only sending you loving healing energy, I am also sending you a big bright flashlight so you can see clearly into all the deep dark corners you are encountering to help ease the discomfort. The pain we experience when “going there” is aligned physically, emotionally and spiritually and I have no doubt you will be the strongest, most gorgeous butterfly as you pass through these stages of alignment and emerge from the cocoon. Best wishes for healthy healing!
I love you Colette! You inspire, motivate and aren’t ashamed, afraid or fear speaking the truth. We all have our secrets but to have someone like you who has tons of followers speaking her own truth and not knowing where it will lead is empowering. This is why I was led to you because the world needs more people like you who aren’t afraid of honesty. The unknown is scary as hell but someday we will look back and be grateful for the plunge. Love you! 🙂
Wow, thanks for sharing your journey. I too have been going through a transformation and struggling to define myself. It seems, at least to me anyway, when going through this transformation that everyone else’s life is perfect. When in fact, as you pointed out this isn’t the case. We are all struggling with trying to find ourselves and define who we are. Thanks for helping me see that I am not the only one who is trying to emerge from the cocoon. I can’t wait for the time to come, but in the meantime it helps to know others are also in the same situation, just at different degrees and stages. Thanks again.
OMG! You are the most courageous lady I know, not because of fighting through the physical pain but because you put your inner pain out there so the rest of us can learn and grow into butterflies, too. Here I thought I was so “above” the folks still living old, consumer-driven lives while I was so enlightened, and a series of set-backs and disappointments put me in a tailspin out of which emerged the old, mean, nasty-to-everyone, critical me. Wow. The last symbolic straw to break the camel’s back was my modem dying on me when my blog was due! So I shlepped my old, heavy laptop to the library where I am surrounded by the books I used to love but gave up for technology, and now I am sitting in silence reminding myself that going back the basics, like putting an old-fashioned pen to an old-fashioned notebook and connecting with the words instead of being witty and funny instead of genuine, is still where it’s at. I hope your cocoon is wrapping itself around you with all the love I am sending you and helping you to heal inside and out. I’ll meet you on the outside!
I love you! I love you, your boot, your metamorphisis, your trip, your Vision. You are all of us and I am grateful to join you in my own cocoon, which is not very cushy either. We had a great class a couple of years ago at Leapin’ Lizards and I feel like it’s ok now to offer, if you need anything, I’m just another fan but I care and I’m not that far away…just let me know. Maybe the tree we land in to attached our ugly cocoons to will be sparkly and bright with the promise of AMAZING transformation! If not, the transformation will STILL be awesome! Take your time, go with the flow (ug, so cliche!) but just take care, ok? with love, Indie
Thank you Colette for again being real and sharing the truth of your journey. You inspire others by allowing yourself to be just as you need to be in the moment! Your words and feelings resonate with anyone who is willing to dig deep, honor the process and trust in the your journey! Wishing you peace as your recover!!
HI Colette ~ What a beautiful and insightful blog! I hope for complete healing of mind, body and spirit as you recover from your accident.
As an Intuitive Numerologist, I COULDN’T HELP but to look at your numerology for last month and this month. If your information on Wikipedia is correct, it is no wonder that you are going through this situation right now. May 2013 was both a Life Path month and a Karmic Lesson month for you! When these energies combine, we have our most important life events & lessons (According to your Wikipedia information, you are a Life Path #2, and you have the Karma Lessons #7 and #8. May 2013 was a #8 Personal Energy Month for you (Karma Lesson)…and a #2 Universal Energy Month (Life Path). Add to this mix, #5 energy from May being the 5th month of the year….and “kaboom.” Accidents tend to occur when #5 energy is present.
June is a #9 Personal Energy Month for you…which means that it is a month of getting rid of the old to make room for the new. The #9 energy is all about releasing anything that does not serve us in a positive light. The Universal Energy for the month of June is the #3, which is the number of self-expression and creativity (the #3 is also the number of your Personal Year for 2013). From your blog, it sounds like a lot of that going on right now 🙂
I hope you don’t mind me interpreting your numerology. It doesn’t matter how many times I do an interpretation…I find it extremely fascinating to uncover the energies that are around people when they have major life incidents occur.
All of my best wishes to you as you recover ~ Pj DeMario
hey this was GREAT info ! I sure hope this means my summer will turn out to lead to the changes I’m intending! oxoxxo I am 07/17/ 1958 if that’s what it says that’s what it is!
Dear Colette,
This was so great of you to share. I love this. What struck me most was the thought that we kill ourselves trying to figure out why shit happens. But you know what it happened its now apart of the journey and lets take it from here! Love it stay strong sista and I can’t wait for all the changes and newness.
love!!!
.
Your story is very inspiring to me right now as I let go of so much myself. It feels like everything is falling away in my own life. I keep trying to think of this as a sacred time of letting go of physical things, emotional things and mental ways of thinking that no longer serve me to make room for the the new life that is on its way to me (that I can’t just see quite yet). And you’re right it is HARD HARD HARD! But some days there are miracle moments when I squint and see through the fog for a second and see and feel and taste the goodness that is coming. That keeps me going.
Thanks Collette for being authentic and vulnerable. It lets the rest of know we’re no alone on this adventure.
With much love and wishes for your healing,
Elizabeth
I wish I had your strength and vision.
Much love Colette, heal and return better than ever, – Irene
Oh, you sound just like me. Two years ago I shattered the radius, split the ulna, and splintered and scattered the wrist bones of my right hand. I took two surgeries to get everything in the best place possible. Of course it is my dominant hand. Not only could I not do, I couldn’t even type. Two lessons: time to slow down and learn to ask for help. That second one was extremely difficult since I needed to be driven everywhere for months.
Bless you for sharing your story. We in the West equate not doing with laziness or worse. Sometimes it takes a smack to the ground to learn that it’s all about being.
Catch my blog: http://www.whatnoreally.wordpress.com
Oh boy! Collette what a time your having! Sending you love healing vibes. Isn’t it odd we go about our business making plans then wham! Stuff happens! Just recently I am experiencing my wham! I feel its the universe telling me STOP! Beginning of the work week on a job I feel is just that a job although I am the type of take it on super women: I all 5 feet of me) getting the day ready for a group. (mind you I had noticed a nagging ache ) just thought it was the normal getting older gig. Well superwomen keeps going and going and then I hit my fence: excruciating pain hit me (I thought I was punched in my kidney; it was nothing I have ever experienced even child birth wasn’t this bad. Needless to say “emergency room”, guess who drove “Superwoman”. Thankfully I made it there: Back spasms can you believe it! I am home this week on drugs which I hate to take but must in order to deal: but this time out brought me clarity and to take pause: I need to put this energy in something I love not in something that just brings a paycheck (although which I am grateful for) I just don’t want to exist: I want to fill me and build others: I haven’t a clue what that is: but its a start of a beginning. Wish me luck
One more thing: One more thing this has taught me “Superwomen need to rest once in awhile: including the great Colette Baron Reid”.
Love you,
Cie
Dearest Colette,
You are amazing! Sending you Love, Blessings and Healing! So looking forward to our journey ahead
Lots of Love,
Cynthia
Colette, I broke my foot in 2009 by having my brain 20 minutes ahead of where I physically was…fell off a curb.
My biggest lesson during the 4 months (4!) that I could not put any weight on my foot (boot, walker, weird showers, etc…) was that it was okay to ask for help…I was living alone, and had to constantly ask for help doing things that only a month before were normal life for me.
It also taught me to stay in the present, more so than I had before. Since then, I’ve become a spiritual Life Coach and Creative Catalyst, and staying present is the best way to be!
Hang in there for a little longer, and allow people to help you–you’ve earned it!!
Julie <3 🙂
Thank you for your sharing, it is timely and hopeful…
Collette – perhaps some will judge and you know what I would have a few years ago but my needing you to be perfect is really about me needing to be perfect.Its a nasty little trap.You are walking your talk by having your stuff show up ,your stuff has a party and now you are cleaning house – sometimes life is just like that .There is a beautiful spiritual gift from such messy fallouts and it’s this – compassion – you will be less likely than most to attack another being for making what is a mistake- not paying full attention to your path.Where was it written that you had to be a saint?You are perfect and you are perfectly fulfilling your role right now – thank you for the refreshing honesty .Happy Birthday to the newly hatched you xxxLove and kisses M xx
Thank you for always being so amazing about sharing your experiences as that is how I feel we really help others in their personal journies because we can all relate in one way or another. You have always been such an inspirational collaborator in my life over the years and I surround you with love and healing energy on this wonderous path of self- discovery. I so look forward to all you are becoming and what you bring forth to us as you heal and burst from your cocoon. I love you beauty. I am grateful!!
You have amazing strength…one step (pun intended) at a time 🙂 I am proud to be part of your tribe 🙂
Jo
xoxo
I’m with you Colette. First the Shaman’s death and then the rebirth. Excited to see what you will be doing next . You have been a key voice in my own souls journey. Thank you for being brave.
Feel better soon. You are needed in the transition!
Khristina Marie
Agree with Khristina. Excitedly await your new insights. 😀
Thank you Colette. A couple of weeks ago I I tripped, fell on my hands and knees and banged my head on a metal chair. Stunned! I had just quit a job I couldn’t handle anymore and was scared…how can I pay my bills?…But how can I live in a situation I am soooo uncomfortable with!!! I could not figure out why this accident happened. Was I wrong to quit the job??? A few days after my accident, aching, bruised, bump on my head, right eye black and blue, I became very emotional as memories of my husband beating me on that side of my face came back to haunt me. I cried for several days. It had been over 30 years ago. I had a session with my Astrologer, Laura Clarson who pointed out to me that I was experiencing “feel it to heal it”. Of course it was in my chart also. I’m getting chills just thinking about it. So true that I had never really accepted that what had happened to me from someone I loved had profound effects on all my later relationships. Trust! So I am ‘letting go’ its a process, of that past trauma and looking forward to new energies taking me on a positive journey of love and abundance. LOVE my Oracle cards and The Map! oxo
Wow Colette! As Dr. Darren would say..what the Infinite Love & Gratitude is going on here! Lol! Your so candid with your journey!! Infinite love & Gratitude to you as you move thru. Your amazing!!!!
Colette,
Your writing is amazing! I hope you heal, learn, look at your dark side, love it, and come back stronger than ever!!!
Much love,
Gilda
Hi Colette,
Thank you for sharing & for your transparency. It makes me respect you more than I already did and it is so very needed in our fast paced-digital-plasticized world!
I am a cancer as well, and an intuitive who is also on a path of recovery (but hey, aren’t we all?). I recently uncovered a brand new bucket of shame too, and as I deal with it head-on, I see that I am being graduated to a whole new level as a counselor and a human being. I know now that I needed to heal this part before I could really grow where it matters.
It feels like it is the same for you – and if you have been this radiant as a caterpillar, I can’t imagine how amazing your wings will be when you emerge! Sending love for fast healing on all levels.
Keep it real sister, thanks always for your bright light ~!~
xoxo
Molly
Dearest Colette,
I think of you each day and send my love for a speedy recovery. I am so sorry about what you are going through and I pray it passes quickly for you are truly an inspiration.
love,
Irene
COLETTE!
THANK YOU!
I’m with you!
I hear Butterflies are incredible Harley riders! They do better than caterpillars…more balance…easier ride.
I look forward to The New.
Your longtime, loyal, fellow Tribeswoman,
Ronda
P.s. you’re always so dang funny, even in your vulnerable honest sincere earnest sharing, you always manage to inject giggles where tears flow.
Love you heaps, you are so awesome!!! Thanks for your honesty, it has really resonated with me. I’m in a similar place and feeling a bit out of control, working to much, drinking too much (that one really kicks off the shame card!!). I’m taking next week off to just be, get healthy and get off the hamster wheel for a bit. xox
Colette: I’m right there on the road with you. Glad to be taking it with someone else. Thank you for sharing all the good, bad and ugly. There is a miracle ahead.
Oh Girl…I feel your pain! In the past 5 yrs, since a most crushing bout w/divorce (after 20yrs married) I have managed to break a knee cap – Minor, break a leg, Major, and now after tripping over my dog…My cheekbone is on the mend! ARGGHH…. You are so right about navigation on the treacherous track…& it hopefully leading to a miracle. But, that path, as you pointed out is NOT for QUITTERS. Your advise is sooooo insightful, (stay true to it), & I’m sending up prayers for God’s Speedy Recovery.
Looking forward to your future posts w/your inward evolution. IT will help so many of us. Hang in There and Keep that Leg,Foot, & YOUR CHIN UP!!! =>
XO
Shannon
BOOM! There it is …………..that’s what I am talking about, just like my fall down the stairs when I thought I was healed from being stepped on by a ginormous horse! Have you noticed that most of the “I learned that I need to slow down” comments are from women? There’s a topic for part 3 ! XO
Colette,
The one thing that has always made you an appealing teacher and visionary is that you are REAL. Not froufrou. You give a humaness to the journey that we are all experiencing at various levels and in so many ways that makes it easier for each of us to keep going. I laughed at the thought of you no matter what going down the stairs…because I would have done the exact same thing..”not letting the accident” stop me. In fact…I have and it nearly killed me. So rest easy taking it a day at a time understanding that those who get it will and that they are the ones who matter.
Enjoy the change of pace.
Sandra
well mine is just that I have been out of work and finances are so difficult and also it’s weighing on my family because they have been helping. I need to be able to work to pay back that debt. I have had interviews passed test for jobs but I just have had no luck and I have been feeling very depressed because of it. I feel very hopeless at this point and I am trying to keep faith but I am losing little by little that is how I am feeling at this moment. I had previously quit my last job because emotionally it was a nightmare and I felt I need to let go. Now I am finishing my masters and graduate this weekend and yet I feel like such a failure. I think reading this I know that we all go through these periods of time where we just have to reflect on what it is we need to realize and work on but here I am trying to figure that out. So I keep wondering how can I improve these dry spells yet and still have faith the universe is working for me. “Sigh” Well that is my story of a dry spell if you want to call it one lol
this will pass honey .. hang in there you’re not alone. Keep the faith and always know that there is always someone else that needs you- when we can get out of ourselves to help another it makes us feel so useful. Even if it’s helping an old lady in the grocery store. Its our gratitude, our ability to laugh, our awe of nature – all those things that bring us back to who we’re supposed to be. Failure is only a perspective. xoox
Colette, thank you for allowing us to share your insights as we all pioneer this miraculous shift … very much appreciated…<3 x
Colette,
I have been a part of the ‘tribe’ for a few years. Your voice of truth, “Boot of shame”, compelled me to write you and thank you for all the gifts/wisdom you have shared and continue to share it resonates by giving a voice to my Filing cabinet of shame.
May the metamorphosis be as painless as possible for you.
Blessings
Wow! Words I soooo needed to hear today! Thank you for being willing to be open and share your journey through life. I love your sense of humor and perspective about all that we experience as we walk (and sometimes stumble) through life. I am friends with many who truly believe they have found the way straight to “butterfly yowza” without going through the transition that can sometimes be painfully eye-opening. More power to them, but sometimes I think that can leave the rest of us who are not experiencing that magical, instant, pain-free transformation wondering what we are doing wrong. I know sometimes it leaves me feeling that way. But I wonder if the quick change artists truly receive the benefit of walking through the entire process. Some crucial puzzle pieces surely must be missing and eventually, maybe they will have to backtrack in order to complete the picture of their lives. Sometimes, the true power is in the willingness to take things step by step and fully participate in the experience of growth and change. Thank you for being willing to be open and honest about your experience. It will help more people than you will ever know. Rest, relax, and thank that “boot of shame” for creating cocoon time for you. You will emerge a spectacular butterfly! Many blessings to you!!!
Thinking of you with a smile and sending love and healing thoughts your way. Not a dramatic accident, my life began to change when I asked myself, “Who am I and why am I here?” Almost instantly my life began to crumble as I lost my fortune then my husband and finally my dream house. In the midst of all the wreckage I began a new journey. Now I can laugh as I tell others I was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the world of self discovery. I really did stomp my feet and pound my fist on occasion but it made no difference; Spirit had plans for me and was answering my question. Four years have quickly passed as I took time to learn, heal and face my truth. Just when I think the cocoon will break open Spirit stops me cold. I’m guided and often pushed to put puzzle pieces together, take in a lesson or face a truth. I allow struggle and frustration perhaps because I’m a stubborn Gemini. But I’m getting wiser. Now when my pc refuses to cooperate, sleep alludes me or I’m prevented in other ways from bullheadedly moving forward, I know a shift is coming. It’s a time where I slow down and increase meditation as well as sitting in complete silence. The payback – the gifts given are remarkable. So, although I don’t wear a “boot of shame” I completely understand; I empathize and I also celebrate those of us courageously daring to transform. Once the chrysalis breaks open and we emerge there will be the astounding flight awaiting us!
love this..
Collette, you dear sweet child of God, you are already the biggest, bestest, most beautiful butterfly that ever there was! I wish you could see you as we, your tribe, do. You honor, awe, teach and inspire us in countless ways. I’m sure that Spirit is not just saying cool your jets, but shouting Collette, allow yourself to receive the love and the prayers and all that healing energy because you overwhelmingly give so much of yourself and it’s boomerang time! I am so very sorry that you are injured and in pain. I pray you are blessed with healing miracles each day. Experiencing the In-vision process (heard you with Jennifer on hwtm) has been nothing short of a miracle in my life, daily, and I can’t ever thank you enough. Bird is the word! Namaste.
There’s something that I love about this blog. (I always wondered about the inspirational healers, psychics, mediums, etc., who work so hard and how they manage to “do it all” and keep going at break neck speed. But I think so many women can related to juggling a ton of different balls and feeling guilty about which balls get dropped accidentally.) Colette, something sounds so different from you! I feel a dynamic energy from your words. Powerful words, thoughts, ideas, inspirations. Lightbulbs have been clicking on for me by reading this blog. Thank you and keep healing!
Dear Collette, I am praying for your speedy recovery… Get well, dear one.. You are an oracle, so as an oracle sometimes the shamans has to test the waters first….Thank you for sharing your story… I had to laugh, sense of humor is the best tool to deal with difficulty… Never lose your sense of humor, blessings from MD, Love, B….
Tricky, tricky Jupiter! How he disguises those gifts of luck.
When my son had his neck incident all those years ago, I recieved my cocoon. When I emerged from it I discovered I was a moth. That beautiful “Pink Moth”——the nocturnal butterfly. The survivor of breast cancer, the bearer of a mothers’ angst, the silent spouse of wisdom
Like the little kid who can’t quite part with his blankly, I have kept a piece of my cocoon stashed. It is invisable to others and I can crawl into it anytime. No matter how much movement is around me I am able to grab silent respite In the sunshine. I have learned that daily cocooning is vital. It is different from meditation, it is all about observation.
There should always be an orb of self that is witnessed by only you and the Great Spirit. In that space you will morph daily.
Colette, YOU ARE AWESOME!
thanx this was awesome – love this story
Diana,
Thank you for this story, it IS awesome! My son ascended ten years ago, he was 23 and my only child raised only by me since his age of 2. I do what you do…I go into my cocoon and just observe. I find I don’t possess the energy and/or desire to interact in those times because the ideal of topic is too superficial and contrite. I’ve been seeking how to be more grateful and conscientious of all things in and around my life. Sometimes the thought and emotion comes to me “How dare I be happy when I should be eternally bereaved!” What a lie, right?! I find I am angry at other people who can’t recognize those in their life and appreciate their contribution (only those that create a positive impact). 🙂 I like the metaphor of the moth and I get the deeper meaning.
Loves!
Eira
WOW….I am blown away at your story – the honest, the gut-wrenching loss of control that you have….I get it. I was there….years ago….and to some extent I am now as I try to date after a divorce (now 10 years) and to build a new home for my dogs and me.
In 1998, for me, it was a torn ACL that I got from a hunt test with my dog. I lost my temper (I try now to keep that in check) and was mad about something that happened that I deemed unfair. My ex-husband knew what I was going to do and when I kicked the ground in disgust and cursing, I went down like a ton of bricks. This was 5 days before my 40th b-day in 1998. I walked around for 8 days with a brace and crutches. My knee hurt a lot, but I could not take care of my dogs, my husband nor go to work. A week later, at the advising of a dog show friend, she told me to seek the advice of an orthopedic MD rather than just a general practice MD.
I was blessed to have found an amazing individual who was livid at what he found. I had a clot in my left calf that likely was there from something I had done about 3 weeks prior….trying to jump off the porch like an 18-year old…and I got the worst charlie horse that wouldn’t rub out. A few days later, it was purple. The doctor said it was nothing and gave me muscle relaxers….anyway..back to the ortho doc….I had to go on coumadin and every 3-4 days had to have blood draws, etc. My world was so changed and I was so resistant to that change. I cried. I had big, ugly, hissy-fits. Yikes…as I type this, I don’t think I liked that old me.
Long story short, about 3 months later, after consulting with some top sports docs, my doctor, operated on my knee to do the patellar knee graft. Guess what? All that resting time, my body healed and my ACL had repaired itself. Dr. C told me that it happens in only about 2% of the population. I just needed to get my range of motion back. In October of that year, I was out and back able to show my beloved Gordons. It wasn’t pretty, but I kept working at it. Now at 55, I am able to still show dogs and even though I had the other knee scoped, I followed the pain management protocol and exercised and in 5 short weeks, I was back showing dogs. It was fun. In 2012, I won an Award of Merit at Westminster for a dog that I had been campaigning. A dream come true.
Yes…I got rocked to my core. I am going to heed your story warning here and I am going to slow down and I am going to make sure that I take time for me and get plenty of rest and be good to me and not beat me up over the wudda, coulda, shoulda, stuff.
Thank YOU so much for sharing this with all of us. It was an incredible story that you shared you at your worst. Becoming vulnerable is a challenge, but you shared and that was amazing. You are the best!! Be well.
I love your work and will continue to follow you.
Cordially,
Peggy DaValt
love this !! BIG HUG
Thank you Colette you inspire me to continue to grow and I love your energy. Your blog finds me on an interesting day. I was compelled earlier to go on a Shamanic journey to the underworld using a drumming sequence I have on my iTunes. How easy my ego blinds me from the wisdom that’s always there and how grateful I am for situations that remind me to choose to call upon it (although I’d prefer not to face injury to be reminded). In my journey I opened the door to the underworld and found myself on a cliff edge against a rough sea. A dragon swooped down to collect me and I felt so alive as we flew fast along the crashing shore line. We landed in a clearing in a forest where 3 boxes were in front of me, one contained a frog, the second a white crystal (which I’ve since discovered was Danburite, and the third contained a scroll which read something like ‘Whoever so dares, shall by their own hand win’. I then can’t remember what happened – I came round as the drums changed calling me back to earth. I’m currently in transition and been over thinking for weeks now. This simple journey revealed so much which is going on in my life and reminded me I’m not alone, and to surrender and trust. I’m pleased to say I’ll be working with you in September and really hope I get over to Boston in July to meet you in person. I really needed to read your story today so thank you. I’m on the path intended and my ego will just have to get used to it. Looking forward to seeing what type of Butterfly I am! Much love, Sx
love to meet you in September xooxox thanx for sharing
Oh girl I love you so very much …. so many people do. If love heals then you’ll be back on your feets in no time at all cuz you got screaming tons of it coming your way.
This part made me cry because I am having a rough time these days looking within, wondering daily how the non-existant structures of my life can hold me up, seeing how the track ahead can be treacherous but knowing that miracles await if I can just hold on long enough to get through it.
You’re an inspiration and a beautiful example of strength and dignity in the face of the worst crap. Bless you !!
With Infinate Love and Gratitude,
Bonnie
Thank you so much Colette. You just answered the question I asked myself earlier today. I decided to quit my job and follow soul guidance and found myself employed as a care worker and was wondering today after an overwhelming day, why I didn’t feel more excited about doing this work. Like I believed I should seeing though I followed my soul directly into it. Thank you for highlighting the process and asking us to push through to get to the better the best version of me and all those marvelous miracles that come along with it. Enjoy your recovery 🙂
Your mind, my dear soul sister, is the magnificent oak that presses deeper through your storms (accident) in life. Your oak (mind) holds your cocoon (body), so that your butterfly (soul) may emerge, with profound strength, and delicate beauty…for all to behold! YOU have taught us this! Take time to heal, repair, & refocus. The benefits from this are going to be awesome! Much Love… 🙂
great metaphor… yes.. and I am finding empty in the ocean inside my cocoon xoox
How coincidental, that I should read your story when I’m doing something quite similar. 🙂 I too was spreading myself too thin and escaping when I thought I was being proactive. But I didn’t listen, and injured myself again and again and I just found out that my foot is not healing still. I’ve even been warned today about burn out from someone I wouldn’t have thought so I am trying to pay attention and learn to be still. I need to learn to go inside and address all the rubbish and heal. Believe me this cocoon thing is not easy and I have been fighting it. Properly in denial. Unfortunately, family members are going through an exceptionally tough time at the moment and I normally help them out. I am at a loss as I don’t want to take away from any lessons they may be learning nor do I want them to suffer so I’m trying to help as best I can. Very confusing, plus the fact I’ve only just noticed that I’m picking up on others pain as well as my own, the last visit to the hospital was physically painful! I had to keep going out just for some fresh air, couldn’t stay in there for too long. I couldn’t understand it at the time, I only clicked when two people with hay fever today had me itching my nose and feeling sniffly. I don’t suffer from hay fever. It went as soon as they did. A transformation is imminent but it is by no means easy. I am not at your level of understanding but I have an inkling what you’re going through. Even if it is only the same foot 🙂 Hope it all goes well and you don’t injure yourself further in haste, thank you for all the inspiration, love Natasha
xoxooxoxoxo
After getting the courage to write a comment, I ordered your new book on weight loss. It came straight away! I’d seen it advertised loads and I kept having a strong reaction to it and when that normally happens I run the other way. I’m trying my best at the moment to do the things I’m reacting to so strongly. I never considered myself empathetic (is that the right word) at all but when I started to notice that I was actually picking up on physical pain there might be something in it. My jaw hit the floor when I started to read your book, my little quirks that I thought were weird and odd were just my coping strategies and other people did similar if not the same thing! It sounds so cliché but your book in the first couple pages has helped more than I can say. I cant wait to read it further and learn more about myself and others like me. I think I associate empathy with weakness so I alternated from information overload and feeling everything to feeling absolutely nothing and then panicking. I really am a scaredy cat, fear nearly prevented me from getting the book, from commenting on here but no longer! Thank you so much, I cant wait to share my successes with you, love Natasha
may you find real comfort in that book my dear. We have awesome coaches to help too if you want to do that. BIG BIG love oxoxox
Thank you, I’ll keep you posted with how I get on with the book. I really think it will help. Unfortunately, at the moment I can’t afford coaching but you never know that could all change- everything else is! 🙂 *exciting times* Thanks again, love Natasha
Colette. My heart goes out to you because I can’t just stop and do nothing for more than a few hours. I have a 10 year old, busy son, who keeps me on my toes every day. But I, too, experienced an injury that put me down hard and over time, changed my life. Blew out my back. Had to learn to ask for help. After months of excruciating pain and not the best physical therapists, I finally got good pain management and PT. (I can completely see how people get hooked on prescription pain meds. If I hadn’t had to be Mom, I would now be hooked on pain pills). Eventually, life lead me to Energy Therapy and thus began my trip down the rabbit hole. Becoming a Reiki practitioner soon followed. And within weeks, I had a spiritual awakening. Sha-bam!
My spiritual education came just in time for 18 of the most challenging months of my life: dealing with my two parents being sick and then passing away 10 months apart (complete with mom’s last 10 months being a bipolar rollercoaster, ending in suicide). All of the parental drama is now over, and here I sit in a space of weird quiet and emptiness. (Have connected with both parents on the other side a few times, and they are doing great now). Because I recently re-tweeked my right ankle, and every step is pain, I am forced to sit with my foot up, resting, again. I wonder what will be coming up for both you and for me. It should be good! Sending healing vibes to you ♥♥.
Well what can I say Collette being a fellow lover of Harley Davidson 🙂 BUT at this stage only a pillion of my darling husband’s. I’d dearly love to go for my bike licence BUT my age and expense is all to real !! My beautiful hubby is on his 2nd Harley in 5 yrs (although this one was new when we bought it(a bit like having a child:) a year ago) fortunately we have had no misfortunes as you have had but I must say my hubby is very on the causious side :/ Thankyou for sharing your thoughts as (sorry) I had a little chuckle reading of your misadventures, really sorry that you have had to suffer pain though but as you have noted these things are sent to make realise we are but human AND we hurt! That being said I know this for you is but a step to the next phase of your beautiful being 🙂 Thankyou and Blessings Julie X
I love, love, love you <3 and honor your journey, your courage, your honesty, your vulnerability and your wisdom 🙂 I love Darren too, he has also been a real blessing to the world (I am a former CLP 🙂 I was in a horrendous quading accident in 2001 that nearly ended my life. It turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. It redirected my life path and the focus of my energy to that point. I had a lot of awakening to do and a whole lot of density to break through… I can honestly say though in this now moment that I feel as though perhaps I have finally began to emerge from my chrysalis after all these years of growth and transformation and I am grateful for all of it. It is scary, and exciting, and empowering all at the same time… there are many unknowns and a whole lot of trusting in the higher divine plan 🙂 My daughter's class recently released two monarch butterflies they had watched through the metamorphosis from caterpillar to the emergence of butterfly. She was so happy when they broke through the chrysalis she shared it with me. I was amazed to see that once the butterfly breaks through the chrysalis they release a couple of drops of coloring from their wings (which almost looked like blood drops on the paper towel below their cocoons). Their they hung, upside down, still, almost lifeless, their chrysalis shell at the base of their legs. This, the teacher explained to the kids is a very vulnerable stage. Their tender wings are drying and they are becoming stronger in anticipation for flight. Have patience and be gentle with yourself through this stage Colette, and know that your entire tribe loves and supports you, and we all look forward to the beauty and grace of you taking flight <3 <3 <3
Thank you for being human speaking your truth being real, true grit
showing use all out here that we can be fragile, not always tuff as old boots!
light & dark
knowing both to be in balance, not take ourself too seriously? be light as a feather, we all love to fly high… great to do it together you divine lady loveizx
Colette, sending you strings of turquoise sparkles, chocolate truffle fragrance and lullaby from Venus & Neptune into your cocoon~~~
When I first read this title of “boot of shame”, I saw it as “book of shame”, that’s how my intuition often communicates with me by as if distorting my sight.
In ancient China, one of the highest and most mysterious practice for the extraordinary Kong Fu masters are to retreat in the cave alone ( similar to the yogis retreating in the Himalaya).And when they come out, their energy and mastery grow hundreds holds. I wonder if it is that we need to be that still , quite and receptive to allow that tipping points manifest in us. Our faith, courage, commitment to the stillness and transformation is the most powerful action, instead of the busy doing.
I love you and I look forward to all the miracles traveling long with you, dear teacher. XOXO Ping
you are quite the special one Ping… when we both emerge it will be time for a sweet teacher student sharing ( not sure which one of us will be which ;))
Colette, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THRILLED to be a part of your TRIbe!!!!!
now, I will nEED a bit of time to read boot of shame 1, and 2.and the purrls of wisdom and then I will beat my drum, circle the fire and chant in gratitude for your “WISH” if I may say, I love You and all your freedom at sharing yourself! THANK YOU!
HUG HUG HUG oxoxoxo
Glad you shared this. Thought not a big thing but sharing the bone – deleting caffeine part of the story was a powerful reminder that I too need to stop this habit.
I went to an intensive with you in Oct. 2009 and it did change my life. Or rather listening to the intuition you picked up on my and following it changed my life. I’m still on that Journey, as we all are . Working through Shame, after being severely shamed for most of my childhood and young adult hood by parents and others – this has been a lot of this years work. Forgiveness of ourselves. Humbling ourselves.. Feeling our feelings.
Caffeine for me is actually a way not to feel sometimes. Though I don’t have more than a serving or two a day – I do realize that when I feel sad, a normal part of grieving, I reach for it. To not feel that.
I felt like the intensive connected me to you on a soul/spiritual level. I’m so glad you are ok and that you are writing this – thank you for being you. 🙂 Blessings..
hugs to you dear Laurel!