Purrls of Wisdom – Thoughts from the Cocoon – Part 2!
Updated: June 25, 2013
In yesterday’s Part 1 blog, I spoke about my panic attack when the thought of returning to my work was just around the corner and I wasn’t ready. I knew there was more I had to uncover about my feelings and what was next in my life. But not go back to work? I couldn’t wrap my head around that concept.
I never do what I do just to make money. It’s not that kind of a job. If that’s what motivates me on any given day, if I’m driven to make a decision based on financial insecurity, I take a break and find my center until I show up clean. That’s how it’s got to be for me.
But not working brings up a lot of crud as I am not a one woman show- I have a lot of mouths to feed, and I rely on others to help me make what I do accessible to you guys. I have a bag lady goblin that hangs out with me once in a while that I have to soothe when she gets wacky. And no… the sky is never falling Chicken Little- it’s just raining.
But all that set aside I needed to get empty and stay empty, wait for the well to be filled and I knew that meant I still had to “stay down!” for a bit. Yep Speedy, you’re not even allowed to put the key in the ignition here let alone get in first gear!
You know what I’m talking about right? It’s undeniable the sense of surrender that even one teeny weeny step back into the old way of doing things shoves a huge STOP sign in you’re the face of all your vibrating cells.
The three questions that define my work and my message are what I’m immersed in daily. These are the foundations of the IN-Vizion® process- Where Am I? When Am I? Who Am I listening to? When navigating the map of my life I’ve seen, and fully known at the core of my being, that I was going in the direction that I’ve felt guided towards by a higher force. (although I wish the force didn’t have to put a granite post in front of my Harley)
Here I am right back at the amazing life-altering feeling just before I got sober on Jan. 2, 1986- not knowing who or what I would become, not having a clue how my life would turn out, just sure with every cell of my being I could never go back to the life I led or the person I was. I knew nothing other than that and the fact that I was depleted, finally teachable and that the currency of my life was bankrupt.
It is so free to be empty.
“When am I?” I’m lead back to experience a quality of my past only from a new, higher, whole vision perch. I’m here to know the spiral has indeed brought me to the extraordinary magical powerful gift of emptiness. The deep truth is it’s time to see from a different layer of life and maturity, and vulnerability and courage resounds within me like music. I have been here before and I know what has to happen now- intimately.
In this cocoon I get to take a breath. So do you if you’re in one. You don’t have to know exactly what the next step is. We’re not used to being empty – our modern culture rushes at breakneck speed. But the world will not leave us behind if we breathe in new, and allow the in-between time to change us in its own time.
From this place “getting back to normal” can never ever be. A new normal has to coalesce; a new story gets to be written on the transparent layers of coming to be.
I’m lucky because I’ve been here before and I know that letting go of my old ideas isn’t an option- it’s the necessary force of strength I will accumulate for when it’s my turn to break open the cocoon.
One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, remaining mindful of the quality of openness. I still see where I’m going but with such extraordinary clarity and trust.
Do I waver? Yes. (I have some pretty interesting flawed characters in my rich imagination that keep me on my toes)
Not for long though, not for long.
So dear tribe of mine, if you’re experiencing the shift, know you will be more than OK.
Love to hear your stories. Are you in this place too? Have you known surrender and did it lead to miracles? What was it like getting empty?
Have you ever been reminded of a time in your life when you made a big change and as a result navigated the next level on the spiral with greater clarity?
What was it like for you? Who were you, and who have you become? Have you changed so much that your old friends don’t recognize you? Hope you join the conversation.
Sending all my love and purrls of wisdom and joy to you from the ocean inside my cocoon.
Colette Baron Reid
The InVision Project