What a week! What a glorious, crazy, maniacal, nutty, logjam of broken telephone and mutterings of “off with their heads” from nowhere in particular, other than soccer games (I cannot even bear to talk about Brazil’s horrors) and people slinking off into the bushes just waiting to pounce, while drunk with fantasy about what the world really owes them.
It wasn’t “fair” that I got into that accident on my beautiful new Harley Purrl, now deceased. I admit I did consider “I didn’t deserve it”, that “Excuse me I had things to do people, to see and places to go!” That mind-set lasted about a day but I know better. My guardian angel was beside me saying “suck it up Princess- participating in your own rescue means stop doing and start being and yes you’re going to have to stay in bed for five solid weeks until you get it.”
I am responsible and I know it. It’s not about blame- it’s about knowing that I am creating my reality by my responses to life on life’s terms as well as igniting the creative spark within me to make a new life that only I can choose in partnership with a Higher Power.
When I was blogging before I thought I was supposed to teach and share my wondrous spiritual insights to my tribe. I remember the uproar that happened when I got upset when my website got hacked and I suggested said hacker might be better suited to gastro intestinal disorders, etc. I admit that was not very nice but it really was my personality and I was being funny.
The accident brought my true radical self to the forefront and I said screw it, I am going to talk to them directly about everything. The ones who will respect it and get it will and the ones that won’t are not going to vibe in my tribe and that has to be ok.
We cannot be all things to everyone.
You can’t. I can’t.
Entitlement is cancerous and any of us at any time can lay prey to that place within where we may refuse to surrender to life’s experiences because our expectations are not met. What do we think we deserve? It’s an interesting question that has come up a lot this past week as we’ve all been invited to check out our narratives of childhood expectations not met or met well. (Check out Robert Ohotto’s brilliant insights at www.ohotto.com)
Entitlement is a difficult state of mind to gauge in others when no one really can be inside another’s head. Nobody really invites anyone else to jump on in to share that special personally-decorated, lavish mind-space, pull up a chair and have a coffee klatch at a table to enjoy an honest straightforward conversation of what’s really going on in their connection.
It might go something like this:
Girl: Hey, you asked me out to dinner, kissed me and helped me with my broken computer. You did not call me the next day. Did you not get the memo? That meant you were supposed to give me a ring and buy me a new car and never ever look at another girl. I texted you a thousand times and you did NOT get back to me. You OWE ME! Waaaaaa. I hate you but I really want you to love me so I can win this thing. Then it will prove that deep down I am not unlovable and what happened to me at nine years old with the neighbor will be all healed. Or maybe I will just dump you and that might make me feel better but either way I need a shot at this so you need to contact me. Where is the pie? I need pie!
Guy: Listen, you were cute and kissable and I like helping girls. I fed you but you went on and on about your dreams of a relationship and how we had so much in common and frankly after the texting and calling you scare the [email protected]*T outta me and I wish you would just go away. I do not understand women. Phew that was close OMG. Can I go now? I never could please my mom either JEEEZ. Plus your perfume smells like old socks.
Two people can have very different ideas of their relationship, sometimes based on lack of clarity and other times on sheer projection of what they believe they’re entitled to.
What I have noticed, especially from the letters coming in for my “Ask Colette” series is there is a considerable idea that scapegoating others for your own lack of success seems to be a favorite pastime of many people this past month.
A mother wrote in how disappointed she was that her son’s special education (she paid for) got at an executive coaching school did not make her son a successful coach in his first year. I actually know the person who owns this school, and like me, scratches his head about how people expect to magically morph into a SUCCESS overnight while doing very little to participate in their own rescue or business building. He is a very enthusiastic teacher, and like me, provides all kinds of ideas and information to students about how to move forward.
Both of us have a business whose purpose is only to educate not to provide clients for coaches, and we both do our best to support the students within reason.
We are both educators. Period.
Yet, people will still expect the moon will come with that piece of cheese they got, and may stamp their feet if it turns out to be well, just cheese!
Kids, the moon is taken.
Create your own place in the world. Trade your cheese for the mouse that will lead to the next experience and so on and so on. Voila – a life!
Everyone needs to be proactive these days and consider their thoughts as well as their actions.
Kevin Hart, my all-time favorite comedian has this chant he does with his posse before his show that goes like this “Everyone wants to be famous but nobody wants to do the work.” Hmmmmmm.
This brings me to the interesting quantum curiosities that no one seems to agree on but we all know has truth, which is inherent in the statement, “thought creates reality.” We get what we own as true but … ta da…that we have no attachment to. Hmmm … let’s all chew on that one and have a chat. I’m due for a more interesting slide down the rabbit hole and something more interesting to talk about than the stuff that’s not working. What if all of it is? What if entitlement has a deeper expectation of failure deep down of “see I told you so?”
It’s a new moon, a new start.
What do you think about this?
A great quote to discuss from Pam Grout (one of my new faves and author of E-Squared) is:
“The problem is, we all look at the world with a giant chip on our shoulder. All we need to do is change the course of our crummy lives is to get over our ongoing grudge against the world, to actively see and expect a different reality.”
Can hardly wait to hear from you!
The InVision Project
If you have a question you would like to ask Colette, write to her at [email protected]. All published questions and answers will be anonymous – we honor and protect your privacy. (Please, Colette respectfully asks that you do not request a reading as the anticipated response to your question.)