Pollyanna, a Minion and The Serenity Prayer!
Updated: August 3, 2014
Dearest GlowBeam of Fabulosity,
I’m en route to Toronto to shoot the first episode of my new TV show Messages From Spirit with Colette Baron-Reid.
I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve, and happy I have great creative people to work with at the production company and network who bought my show. It’s back in my native country Canada too so that feels pretty great and surreal.
A Homecoming. Should feel really good right?
But I have a confession to make.
These past few days I’ve had a doozy of a time staying grounded. I feel like I stuck my finger in an electric socket while wet, and now I’m not myself. It’s like I’ve been invaded by two distinct energies hiding in the closet of my mind—the optimistic Pollyanna, and the minion from Despicable Me with the fire alert fog-horn.
It’s made me koo koo listening to them – one smiling and singing Kumbaya in the closet while she counts the pretty shoes in a row, and the other one sounding his horn preparing for them to drop and explode.
Hair begins to smell singed, while I hear Pollyanna scolding the freaked out little Minion saying “All is well! ” then “ OMG- FIRE !!” I think I need to meditate again.
It’s an interesting phenomena where in the same mind you can juggle two concepts—one of faith, service and inner security, and the other of total terror of those “ what if” monsters crawling out from the dark while laughing in your face.
I admit I’m scared.
Last time I went on TV all these freaky trolls came out to taunt me with cruelty and threats. Now it’s my own show?
What if I bomb? What if my readings suck? What if nothing meaningful comes through? What If I look fat on camera? What if my dogs don’t like it in the studio? What if something happens? Blah Blah Blah
This morning I hit bottom with all the internal yo-yo-ing as I managed to pray and meditate and peruse the world news which brought it all into perspective. That was a swift dunk in powerlessness – a cold shower of reality check and return to right size.
This is my life. I need to make the best of it. If only one person is helped by this next step on my journey, so be it. Maybe the whole point of it is not in my hands at all and that this is all about stepping into the Unknown and surrendering. Perhaps it’s an exercise in staying present one hour at a time.
Does the context really matter? It’s the same for you as it is for me.
TV show, job interview, new home, loss, divorce, marriage, winning the lottery or whatever it is that is in front of you or me, essentially doesn’t matter. Everyone has an opinion about us- none of it is your (or my) business.
What matters is faith and courage, when you can muster it. Sometimes following the road through the fog when the lights shine only one foot in front the whole way home – is enough.
So about those two passengers I’ve had hiding in my closet? I’m not kicking either of them out.
Pollyanna is a great companion always seeing the best of things, finding beauty in the ugly, etc. So if I get out and fall flat on my face in the mud, she’ll show me the bright side.
As for the Minion, well it’s always good to get a warning if I can’t see the fire I’m about to start. Plus he’s kinda cute and he only kicks up a ruckus when I think I’m the only one in charge. His alert comes when I think it’s all only about me.
It’s all ok. I just have to remember Spirit is the only driver that knows where we’re going. I think I’ll turn the wheel over and strap my seatbelt on.
Am I any less scared?
Does it matter?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will be done through me.
I feel better now.
Wish me luck my fabulous tribe.
I will write from the road.