Shadows and Light, Endings and New Beginnings!

Updated: March 15, 2015

Dearest sparkly star,

This week marks the new moon in Pisces coupled with a solar eclipse and we all have much to anticipate. I’m sure you feel it. We’re coming to the end of the astrological year, beginning a new cycle of growth and understanding and welcoming the big reveals of our winter dreaming, or if you’re Down Under, the harvest of yo summer simmering.

If you’re interested in the deeper layers of this statement look out for a post from my friend and colleague soul contract astrologer Robert Ohotto. There’s plenty brewing for us all this week and next.

I love how many of you took the challenge from last week’s blog and answered the quiz of soul needs vs manifestation goals. It’s wonderful to read all your posts and celebrate how many of you were so fearless about sharing them. It’s important we remember to feed the soul, for without that inspiration wanes and our goals end up to be hollow objects that just make us feel like we need more or something else.

The soul needs to be fully present in our quest for Magic and Meaning, for Light and Beauty, for Peace and Prosperity. These are “big” things we all want with capitol letters to ensure their importance. I sometimes find myself getting lost because I forgot to feed my soul, but not for long.

These past couple weeks have been filled with the rich contrast of sorrow and joy, shadow and light, endings and new beginnings. Beanie’s passing, broke our hearts wide open, especially for my husband Marc. We allowed the process to move through us, and even though there were days where it felt unbearable, mostly because Sebastian, (the little black one) was so lost and forlorn without his female companion, we still chose to be fully present to the experience.

It’s so easy to run away from grief, from the suffering of life. The concept “If you’re not happy, if you’re not focused on living the dream, if you’re not manifesting those dreams right – you’re doing something wrong” has been a pervasive “thought parasite” for the ambitious for some time now. It’s the shadowy secret of the manifesting crowd, and it’s a lie.

Yet, what would Light and Beauty be without their shadows to define them?  How would we know the peaks of joy without the searing pain of heartbreak and the poetry of gratitude that comes with deep surrender and acceptance?

IN my family’s case our love and appreciation for Beanie, for each other and for the life we have – the simplest parts of it- tripled with the brilliance of Love that came to rest in our most profound moments of sorrow.

Today we are happy, I’m writing this imagining I am sending a Giant Group Hug round my tribe- around you.

Sebastian has never been alone in 12 years, and so for him, we found a young female to be his companion and she arrives this week and we’re happy because we have that much more love to share with her.

The universe provided us with an answer as soon as we asked the question.
Life is beautiful in all its contrasts.

So, whenever you find yourself adrift in the fog afraid you’ve lost your way, remember these moments pass into new ways of being, and when Light finally shines through the cracks of your suffering, more Beauty than you imagined floods through you and in that moment you will see further than you ever thought possible.

Light will always come… to show us the way home.

Love you always and forever.

love colette 200x103
PS—I’d love to hear from you – do you remember when Light shone through your life after a period of difficulty? When all was lost and then it wasn’t? Tell us a story!!




Showing 59 comments
  • Paul

    Colette, I am in the middle of my story, I will write again when I know the details of the happy ending.

  • Eric


    As I was contemplating last week’s blog of soul needs vs manifestation goals I have to admit I was a little perplexed. To distinguish what we want from what we need can be a hard prospect because they may not always be compatible. If the things that we want get closer to the things that we need are we that much closer to fulfilling our soul’s purpose? The love that we want, for example, may not be the love that we need and once we understand this are we that much closer to getting both? To borrow from an 80’s movie the things that we wish for may be everything we’ve always wanted, before we knew what we really wanted. I read the post last week and have been contemplating on this and before I knew it a week had already passed and I don’t think I’ve come any closer to a resolution.

    As I have looked for signs from Spirit that I am on the path to manifesting my wants and needs I’ve always been afraid that I have or will miss these signs. I have meant to catch your show on Hay House Radio on many occasions. I get the reminders that you send on facebook and by the time I remember the show is over; I see remarks on your page like, “Great show Colette! This is just what I needed!” I realize that they can be replayed but to me it’s a timing thing, trying to live in the now, and I keep missing them. This is what I’ve felt like at this stage in my life, that I’ve missed out. Every time I consult the Oracle Cards I keep getting a consistent message that my bounty will soon be had. I realize that I must sound like the kid riding in the back seat of the car asking, “Are we there yet?” every minute during a car trip, but things take time and not always in our time frame. Perhaps it could be compared to making a meal; which would taste better, a frozen lasagna microwaved on high for 5 minutes or starting in the morning, making the noodles from scratch, putting on the tomatoes to simmer with all of the spices, constructing the dish layer by layer, a bed of noodles, then some sauce, and covered with cheese, baked until everything is harmonizing together, and enjoyed with fresh made bread and a bottle of red wine? Will you be able to enjoy it once it’s ready for fear that you have forgotten something or that you’re not deserving of such a banquet?

    I did manage to catch your show this past Thursday as you addressed recovering when everything falls apart. I knew there was no way that I was going to get through on the phone lines although I tried anyway. As the program progressed I soon realized that you were talking about all of the things I would have asked you anyway, and you were giving advice as if you were talking to me. I then realized that it wasn’t my mission to talk, it was my mission to listen, to take on board the things that you were telling others as if you were talking to me because I believe they were meant for me as well as your caller.

    Emerging from the ashes like the Phoenix is a blessing, if you’re ready for it. The upcoming solar eclipse is a “super” new moon; the new moon signifies new beginnings. At 29 degrees Pisces it falls on a critical degree. This will be a significant new beginning as the sun leaves Pisces and enters Aries; will we be ready? Colette, you have had a turbulent past few weeks and sometimes I wonder how you hold everything together. I’ve mentioned in the past that you’re like the quote out of the movie “Convoy”: “I’m not the leader, I’m just up front”. After the turbulent weeks that you’ve had I can imagine a conversation that you might have with me, “Eric, you have good insight and know where we’re going; I want you to drive the bus for a while. I’m going to get a sandwich and take a nap.” “Whoa! Wait a minute! How do you know I’m ready?” As the new beginnings begin to emerge will we be ready to take advantage of the opportunities? Like an understudy in a play you never know when you may be called on to step in to the leading role and after waiting patiently offstage for many shows you have to be ready to shine when your name is called.

    That’s about it; sorry if it was off topic. As I mentioned before a lot of times the posts I make are for me just as much as for anyone else. I hope that your family is healing emotionally and that you as well as everyone else will be ready to take advantage of this time for new beginnings.

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      this was SO fantastic Eric… loved this post so much.. hold the fort.. I am going to go take a nap 😉

      • Eric

        I’ll try not to drive us into a ditch 😉

      • Willa

        Hi Eric
        I love your post – especially the quote from Convoy. Thank you.
        PS Great name – it’s the name of my firstborn, too.

        • Eric


          I’m glad that those words resonated with you. I really can’t say that they are “my” words because every time I write in this blog I feel that the words are coming from “elsewhere”, and coming from “elsewhere” they are meant for me just as much as they resonate with others. I’m trying to remember where I heard or read the understudy example, perhaps from one of Colette’s books? I could identify with that from the time I was on the aircraft carrier. I had gone through the training and it was my turn to take charge of the bridge as Officer of the Deck. “So, you want me to take charge of this 80,000 ton, 4.2 acres of flight deck, stand it on end and it’s taller than the Empire State Building aircraft carrier??” 5,000 other guys were depending on me to do this as I depended on someone else when I wasn’t on the bridge. I did it, and if I can say so myself, I was good at it! There’s not a lot of people who can say that they drove a supercarrier and I did it!

          I pulled up the movie “Convoy” on Netflix not too long ago. When I first saw it many years ago I really didn’t grasp the concept of Rubber Duck not being the leader of the group, but now I can relate to it. Some people seek greatness and some people have greatness thrust upon them. The greatness may not be on the world stage, on the national stage, or the local stage. It may be simply making the difference in someone’s day, or delivering a Cledon to someone who needs it (I went back in the archives and read Colette’s entry on Cledons, great blog!) Maybe it’s giving a “furbaby” a new home when they need it, or you need them 😉 Regardless, we are all instruments in a chorus and one day we may all be be called to be the director at one time or another. I get just much insight from everyone else’s posts so keep them coming. I hope that we all are ready when we are called to drive the bus! 😀

      • Heather

        Eric, this was AWESOME!!! I loved your analogies.

    • Harriet

      What beautiful thoughts you shared with us. One part which really hit home was your analogy of the beautiful perfect dinner. Yes it definitely takes a bit more time in order to finally get it right. As long as I’m still right for it too! (And yes, feeling as if I am deserving).
      Correction. KNOWING that I AM deserving.

    • Kerrie

      Colette and Eric,

      Your posts this week have a real connection with me. I don’t often comment but this week I felt a strong desire to. Colette I have heard so often “stay positive don’t let the fear and worries creep in, walk away from the darkness” which some days is so hard to do because you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is always light and in my case it has always come. I believe that the darkness before the dawn is there to teach you and help you grow into a “better self”. I have been through a few trials and tribulations over recent years and feel that growing through darkness and emerging into the light has brought me a better understanding of “ME”, the real me that is. I have a new life now and have managed to shed and let go of things that no longer serve. Once upon a time I would have held on to things that held me back for fear of the unknown but through connecting with people of a like mind such as you I have come to understand and grow, so thank you for being you and sharing.

      Eric, your comments are so spot on for me at present also, but I believe things happen at the exact right time and in the exact right way that they are meant to happen for each of us. I have come to learn so much patience over the last 18 months and I am seeing the results come to manifestation. Love your comments.

      • Colette Baron-Reid

        love this post Kerrie.. thanx for adding your voice to this beautiful discussion 😉

  • Tess

    About 7 years ago I was nursing myself back from a bad break up. This relationship is one I worked very hard to “make work”. I think I spent more energy trying to keep it together than listening to the signs as to why it was not working. After a battle of the ego and worthiness, I finally allowed the experience of all that lead up to that moment sink in. I surrendered and asked that spirit lead the way. I was delighted by unexpected joy from friends and loved ones and my spirits lifted. I asked the universe to help me connect with the one meant for my highest good and within a month a long time friend of mine asked me out. He said he was waiting for me to not be in a relationship. From that lunch until now we’ve been a happy, healthy couple sharing this life. We will celebrate our 5th year wedding anniversary this month. I am so grateful. Thank you for sharing your story. I am excited for your new addition to your family, coco.

  • katie held

    Thanks Colette, your writing and sharing about this time we are in, definitely hit home for me. You’re awesome and I truly see/feel what you expressed with the light/dark sadness/grieving/joy that is our world. Glad you keep giving and sharing hour gifts. Thank you!

  • Christine

    Do I remember when Light shone through into my life after a period of difficulty? Yes, and fortunately for me, it happened many, many times. If I were not able to grab onto the Light and hold tight to love, light and happiness with the strong grip of both hands then I would likely have faded out and died long ago. Happiness must be actively cultivated each and every day. Depression, grief, feelings of self doubt and “mistakes made” must be noted for a short period and then left to naturally flow away as do the changing seasons and the passage of time. People must intentionally seek out and cultivate happiness, love and light in their lives in the manner of planting fruit and flowers in a garden. It takes some work, it takes some faith, some risk, creativity and innovation but the rewards in the “doing” and at harvest time are immense. Never let the shadows gain any lasting hold hold on you no matter how reasonable the story of their existence may be. You are of the Light and there is where you always belong.
    From my soul to yours,

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      I love this.. “people must intentionally seek out and cultivate happiness… in the manner of planting fruit and flowers in the garden” This is so true – we must allow suffering to flow through us and not allow it to concretize or define us in any way. That was why we remained present to it so it wouldn’t be like a cancer and today we are so joy – filled and grateful. It’s excellent manure for our new family garden! Christine your entire post was right on!!

      • Paul

        The pursuit of happiness itself will cause it to evade you, it is the happiness in the pursuit, not the pursuit of happiness that is the secret. By the way, there is a great movie out called “Hector and The Pursuit of happiness” which is really good. Thoughts for a Wed morning…..

  • irene

    i am so happy about Sebastian’s new little companion arriving soon. congratulations. that is wonderful!

  • Allyson

    Thank you for sharing, Colette,

    I too will share when I have a bit more time as it is almost 2 am. Much love <3

  • Diana Boles

    like Eric, I struggled to separate the two sides of manifestation—-what I want and what the soul needs. And that week has passed and I’m no closer to an answer except for this—–to forgive the self when we forget to walk our talk. It can be as simple as adhering to a silent promise–like I will stick to my budget. Yeah, right. I blew it again. Super new moon set me straight.
    Yay! A puppy — more to love! Blessings to all!

    • Eric

      “No, you can’t always get what you want
      No, you can’t always get what you want
      No, you can’t always get what you want
      But if you try sometime, you just might find
      You get what you need”

      -The Rolling Stones

      Perhaps the Cledon I was getting when I was writing my post? 😉

      May your wants and needs be one and the same Diana! Peace, Love, and Light!

      • DLLGRJandfurballs

        Chimes : )

        I got it!
        When I was composing last weeks post, that was fun, I had to decide if my perspectives were “wants” or “needs” as everyone will be at a unique level for themselves; I chose to label my “desires” as needs instead of wants. A few of us labeled that part differently dependent upon how we are in our life now after been through the earlier journey.

        We all walked with various people and we think about it, no? Someone said to me “you might not want what you thought you wanted once you get it” so I am cautious about what I want. Wanting is nice to hone however as many of you know it must be realistic in order to get close to achieving whatever it is. Personally, what I want is what I need to survive realistically and my soul also has needs to be authentic and survive amidst the shadows. The “tapping solution” with Nick Ortner’s team teaches to “I love and accept myself”; that is an antidote for the soul in five little words that packs a powerful effect on one’s day.

        It is worth being picky, hope you choose something for your reality versus soul to work on …. Be Blessed : )
        Very Helpful Exercise
        Thank You, Colette

        The major point is one and the other make a substantial life instead of denying one or the other which would be the extremes – finding a balance.

        I had a beautiful week and moving forward at my own speed to actually meet /integrate – so natural for me – the soul and the reality as “a life worth living”.

        I pray everyone finds and stays true to the authentic “angels we are meant to be”.

        Gentle Blessings
        LOV : )

  • Virginia

    <3 WOW <3 AMAZING. "GRACIAS Eric & Colette" <3 …." Like an understudy in a play you never know when you may be called on to step in to the leading role and after waiting patiently offstage for many shows you have to be ready to shine when your name is called." …. in the nap by you both…DREAM-ACTing.

  • Kimberley

    What an AWESOME post, Eric! I have felt the same way, wondered the same things, attempt to be and stay in the now…honestly, this past week as I contemplated the soul needs and small “me” wants I became so frustrated and angry! I listen to meditations every morning, try to view my situations and experiences through the eyes of God, being loving and compassionate, visualizing a joyful life with love and am so tired of feeling as though I’ve gotten it wrong…the things that I’ve read lately make me feel as though I’m not meditating enough, not visualizing enough or in the right way, not staying in the present, not being as grateful for everything I have…I was the kid in the back seat on the trip AND the dog that won’t stop barking! I guess I was slightly ahead of the curve as this weeks’ cards answered my frustrations from last week! Thank you for your post, and thank you Colette for your wonderful messages. I get to relax and breathe, to stop worrying so about the bills and the job, to go outside and take a walk and maybe even start a creative project. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Deep breath! 🙂

    • Eric


      Wow! I get a lot of energy from your post! I feel like it’s not that you don’t have the energy to do all of the tasks before you, it’s that you don’t know how to direct the energy that you have. Yes meditate, quiet your mind for the insight, and don’t worry so much about whether or not you’re doing it right. Your inspiration won’t come like a text message or an email:

      To: Kimberly
      From: Spirit

      Subj: Great Idea!

      It may be something a bit more subtle, something more personal. THAT’S why you’re meditating, to separate the signal from the noise so that you will recognize the signs and messages when they come. There is a quote from a philosopher that I like to refer to from time to time: Bruce Lee. Yes, you may recognize him as a great martial artist but if you read some of his writings he has some messages that are great food for thought:

      “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless – like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

      -Bruce Lee

      I would add to that the more you try to grasp water with your hand, the faster it slips through your fingers. Don’t try so hard Kimberly, the answers will come. 🙂

    • DLLGRJandfurballs

      I got the same feeling from your post Kimberly.

      Keep moving forward, sometimes you need to divert (yoga, instrumental music or meditative) any – as Colette tells us – Goblin and Desert issues (these are not wasteful times – they teach lessons). Her book The Map and …For People Who Feel to Much … has tidbits that you will know apply to you. Have you taken the Reading course, if not it is worth the confidence you get in doing readings for yourself – your self-esteem. I usually use the Hidden Realms because they fit my authenticity better (who I am) and I usually do 1 card readings to keep it simple. As I understand Colette created these cards as guidance but not fortune telling. The cards are wisdom, food for thought, and make one think about the question and the answer …. then “ah-ha” happens seeing how it all fits. The more understanding of how to use them the greater peace occurs, then sharing can begin …. Understanding is a personal choice.

      Excited to, in due time, to read C’s up-coming book focusing on the first sense – as I understood tp be more about – intuition …

      Gentle Blessings
      LOV : )

  • Judit

    Your vlogs.. Your msg.. Your presence are so timely and so uplifting.. Re-affirming.. Absolutely..!!!
    To think that for the last 52 young years in this organic body.. I have challenged myself and my family and friends.. Acquaintances and complete strangers, not to mention all of those energies equally challenging me, myself and I and knowing that I always felt there was a reason I was here experiencing the HUMAN journey… Yet knowing that the gypsy soul inside perpetuated my moving forward and allowing me to just “BE” wherever I was at that present moment in time.. Was where I was always meant to be…
    All I can say is a big “thank you” to “thee”

  • Tillie

    My daughter , brilliant 8 year old (really), has very bad allergies and is sensitive to getting anything going around that is upper respiratory related. She’s had to miss the last 2 weeks of school because of pneumonia and an ear infection. She turned the corner on getting her energy back last Thursday and we were all thrilled. She was ready to go back to school and be a normal 8 year old. But, this morning she awoke with allergy dizziness because she wasn’t able to take her allergy injections while having a fever the last two weeks. So, here we are on Monday morning with her on the sofa feeling very sad and crying. She really wants to get back to school and see her friends and be normal again but her poor little sensitive body just can’t do it right now. She needs to get back on the allergy injections so her inner ear will be balanced again. I felt her sorrow and pain and we talked. I told her that she isn’t doing anything wrong (she kept saying I’m sorry) and that I loved her. I started crying too. I told her that I love her just as she is and that she doesn’t need to apology for being who she is. I told her that when she gets better, the joy that she will experience will be greater that the intensity of the sadness she’s feeling now. She seemed to really digest this message and “get it”. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have this discussion with her. Maybe when she’s 13 and moving into the insecure teen years, she’ll have a foundation of self acceptance to stand on.

  • Renee Sugar

    So delighted that Sebastian will have a new companion. Mazel Tov!! on the new addition!!
    May you all enjoy a joyful new beginning.
    “My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue; an everlasting vision of the ever changing
    view” Carole King Remember that?
    TRUST, FAITH, BELIEF in a higher intelligence that has the ability to see much farther
    ahead. It has the highest and best interests of everyone participating at heart.
    We cannot always understand how the “bigger picture” is being created in concert with others.
    That is a life-long lesson that I have needed to learn. ALLOW, CONNECT, CO-CREATE and don’t be
    attached to the outcome. As the perpetual loner, I have always prided myself on being of independent mind,
    body and have an spirit not unlike the “Unsinkable Molly Brown” a.k.a. Debbie Reynolds.
    I have willingly accepted/embraced the challenge to find a way uncover the answer.
    Where is that door that I know is meant for my growth where I feel “at home”,
    welcome and a part of the whole rather than an outsider, a visitor, an observer?
    How many do I need to knock on before the right one opens?
    Why is this taking so long? What is wrong with me? Why am I not being hired?
    Why am I hired and released shortly thereafter?
    Isn’t it time yet? Don’t you hear me? I want to contribute to a larger story that expands our
    “human potential”. It is not that I haven’t tried so many ways to meet people;
    to explore entrepreneurial opportunities, be invited to networking meetings, with very influential people
    who have busy schedules. I have had amazing gifts handed to me to develop a creative story
    that I nurtured from the ground up. My life has not been a linear journey, and I am an “outside of the box”
    “creative ” soul. . It’s not as if I haven’t been the most patient person and continue to tell myself that the
    doors that have opened weren’t meant to be long term assignments , or the ones that closed weren’t the
    right ones. ” Don’t give up five minutes before the miracle happens ! ” What I have learned is that there are
    many little miracles, gifts that synchronize and connect certain people. Here’s an example.
    I had read about an event in TONIC magazine. The topic was about brain health, and the demographic was “Smart Women”.
    The cost of the ticket was $100.00 all the proceeds to be given to a charity that was sponsoring the event.
    I reached out offering to volunteer at the event and explained that I was navigating through a career transition
    and that I would love to attend. Might it be possible to participate as a work exchange. The first e-mail did not
    receive a reply so I tried a second time/ different address. This time it reached the founder/CEO of the organization
    who said that t wouldn’t be fair to everyone else who had paid full price and I did understand that, and
    thought I would be uncomfortable knowing that I hadn’t paid the same amount. So I let go and went about my business.
    Checked in later and found an e-mail from the founder saying that one of the board members had to go out of town;
    and said to give the ticket to someone else. She told her about my situation and I was given the ticket to attend.
    I really appreciated this, and after the event which involved several influential speakers( women executives ) in
    different roles and industries; there was time for questions. Someone stood up and made a comment that maybe
    we needed to inject some laughter and humor into our lives to nurture our health. When I heard her name it sounded
    familiar to me. so I sent an e-mail asking if she was in attendance at that event, and then asked if she would be available
    to meet with me for an information interview/networking meeting. She replied, and said she would love to . The
    meeting is scheduled to take place on Friday. I am so grateful and awed when these things happen because these
    are people I don’t know, but in the second example I have many years of service in the interior design industry.
    I just had to ask!!! It doesn’t work every time, but I am being invited. I do have experience, skills, and natural talents
    that can be of service. I KNOW this is TRUE. I have undervalued them for a long time and it has been some time since
    there were practiced. When I entered the door to the professional connection that lasted 12 years it began at a time and
    place when I was so vulnerable and still undergoing physiotherapy and rehab after being struck by a Jeep while on my way
    crossing at a green light. I had zero confidence and was terrified to get back on my feet again. That was 1999. I am not that
    person anymore. I have taken much time to reflect and get to know who I am since not working full-time. I am forgiven, and
    rather than being a stranger to myself, I have developed this relationship with myself. I am now a friend/ally and really do want
    what has the best interests of all concerned. So I continue to knock, meet people, and I really do not limit what might unfold.
    My life has been unpredictable and it has been so enriched by taking steps and walking into doors that I have never entered
    before. We are so much more than what we “do” as a means to earn a living. I have discovered, uncovered and recovered parts
    of my past, and my soul that were not visible even to myself. I don’t know when the right door will present itself, but I must
    continue to believe that there is a place that only I can fill and even though I really do want to be financially self-supporting
    again, it will happen. There is no other option. I choose to believe that in this tapestry called our “life” that even though when
    you turn it over it looks like a tangled mess of threads that don’t look like anything you might understand; there is an underlying
    wisdom and intelligence that is orchestrating its creation and it does have a purpose and a place for each one of us.
    I know this was a long story, but it will have a happy ending. XOXO

  • Barb

    I know I’ve shared this story with you before but it is the very best example I’ve had recently of light coming through a sad and difficult time in my life. After being let go from my job and fracturing my hip and shoulder, I was as blue as a person could get, especially as I had to spend the summer months laid up in my third floor walk up apartment (stairs and a fractured hip are not the best combination). What light came out of all this darkness? A ground floor apartment in a house owned by some friends of mine which just happened to be out in the country in my old stomping grounds where I had been longing to return to for 15 years. Now I am happily retired, living simply, writing a great deal, fulfilling dreams I never had the courage to go after. If that’s not a bright spot in the darkness, I don’t know what is. I am so very happy that some light has found it’s way back into your lives … even if it is on four little feet! Blessings and, as always, you rock!

  • Denise

    At this point in time I am probably in the darkest place I will ever be! My husband of 29 years is currently hospitalized for severe pain in back and leg (he fell on ice and tore his gluteus maximus and fractured a vertebrae) and in addition, they diagnosed shingles. That in itself would be tolerable but here is the kick. I have down this road for 15 years with this man who has been critically, chronically and acutely ill, on the verge of death many times (he even had a near death experience when he had a heart attack while in the hospital for stents 2 years ago). After that surgery, when he came to, he told me he came back for me. I am emotionally drained, have my own physical ailments (most likely stress related which I am working on healing) and I have grieved the loss of him more times than I care to recall and each time, he miraculously recovers (lives) but with no quality of life. I feel like my life has been hijacked by his illnesses. 15 years ago we were separated and only came back together because he had acute appendicitis which landed him in ICU due to diabetes which could not be controlled. I allowed him to come home when he was released in order to recuperate and he never left again. We never healed the fractured relationship , just moved on from there, and WOW, here we are. In these years he has been diagnosed with more diseases (Hep C, Cryoglobulinemia, vasculitis, 2 heart attacks, diabetes, steel syndrome, kidney transplant and others I can’t think of now) than is imaginable. I get angry that he is so committed to these diseases and does nothing other than what the medical profession tells him to do which is take another pill. And so here we are! They have him comfortable on morphine for the moment but I am projecting to the day he is released and I don’t know if I can do it! I don’t know if I have the energy or the stamina or the want to be his caregiver for the long haul. I thought the long haul would have over by now, (he was given a death sentence when he was diagnosed with cyroglobulinemia 12 years ago) but the man is truly a BULL. I get angry that he does not have a drop of gratitude in his body or soul for the additional years he has been given and I know he suffers terribly but even on good days, he’s miserable. I’m questioning where is God! I’m questioning why he just doesn’t end his misery and then I feel quilty for questioning knowing I am where I am supposed to be. But all the dreams and hopes and wishes I had early on have been taken and I accept that God has a greater plan but I am beginning to think He is just a jokester. Like when is enough, enough. I get through it all by staying in the moment but like today, it’s difficult because truly, I don’t want to do this anymore. So in that sense, I am stuck. I do need all the light, love and energy healing I can get and participate in telepathic energy healings which has abated my A-Fib (electrical heart malfunction) but emotionally, I am drained and it makes me want to get on a plane and just go…But I won’t, I will tough it out, if not for him or me but for my children.

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      you need a hug… in all the years I have worked in this profession as teacher and student of Spirit’s ways. God is always, is everywhere and always shows us where we are at. You are never forsaken. Trust your soul’s longings – if we follow them we end up in a place for the highest good of all even if it doesn’t appear that way at first glance. Don’t let his illness take you hostage. Freedom is an inside job. In spite of conditions. A great book you might want to read is by Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning. You will find hope there.

  • Amy

    Such a wonderful message and it resonates with a shift I started to sense toward the end of last week. FINALLY! These last few years have been brutal for me and beginning last November I really surrendered the way forward to God. I’m such a type A and my natural reaction to any problem is to come up with a solution and charge forward. These last few years have shown me that taking action isn’t always the best way. Faith, faith, faith – that’s been my mantra. I know I haven’t gone through all this muck for nothing. I am dancing a happy dance anticipating what’s to come.

    P.S. Congratulations on the new addition – I can’t wait to see a picture!

  • Carolyn

    Thank you for being there for us, your tribe, in your time of great pain and sorrow, it is wonderful to see the spark back in your eyes.

    My fog of smoke hopefully is finally clearing. We lost everything but our vehicles and animals five and a half years ago in a wild fire. In that time we moved to a wonderful beautiful environment started over and we were forced to live in the moment. It’s not so bad in the moment keeping our spirits open has helped us heal and find peace, whenever I’m overwhelmed it’s my “go to” place. I need to find work and have been struggling on that path. Everything I’ve tried to go for has been a dead end so I’m throwing all my skills on the wall and seeing what sticks and who might be interested and that’s the path I’m going to follow. It’s my “let’s find a new career in the moment” philosophy. I trust it may just work.

    A big hug to you and your family, Colette you are such an inspiration and such big fun!
    Much Love,

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      love this.. you are a power of example of how to navigate the Unknown. Spirit first.. the rest follows ..

  • Safena

    I just want to say thank u for being the kind of person that attracts these beautiful heartfelt messages. I also love this tribe. Pls keep taking care of you. You are one of kind and yet so relatable. Love and light to you always. Btw I am Canadian and can’t wait for you to come to my hometown Vancouver. I understand it may be awhile but so worth the wait!!

  • Holly

    Hi Colette,
    My story started during mercury retrograde (though I didn’t realize it until it was over) . I discovered my husband of 25 yrs , getting too close (not sexually) to a co-worker . I was devastated!! Well, we went thru some serious soul searching, decided we wanted to stay together, and rekindled our relationship. We realized that we had been taking each other for granted and got caught up in the trap of life where you just get by day by day. Our relationship has just flourished since then. We are like teenagers in love! It was so painful for me , but we have come out of this with such a renewed love for each other and a fabulous new relationship. Out of our ashes, our phoenix is rising high!! The best thing that has ever happened to our relationship.

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      fantastic! love hearing this.. and thank you to everyone who is posting on this blog – I am swamped with my new book and getting ready for the new puppy so am checking in sporadically and may not get to respond to everyone xoxoxoxox

  • Louise Michaud

    Hi Colette
    Thank you for sharing. The new addition to your family will certainly add love and comfort. That is what animals do. You are right about the light shining through the cracks of our suffering. I lost my beautiful daughter Chantal almost 3 years ago, I have my moment and I allow them to happen but within a short time she brings me peace and comfort.

  • DLLGRJandfurballs

    For me Nature has been a crafty inspiration of art. Life itself is the best art of all genre’s – my opinion.
    Moving is a tad scary for me; when I last moved from one state to another in the U.S. I was going to a house I had purchased for my daughters security. Employment changed and I had to keep a roof over my head. Here I moved. I was by myself like a fish out of water flopping – left and right north and south – to see something of the Love we all latch on to and dub “our own” when we live someplace, you know… It was a morning soon after, I am sure I was praying for something or someone – I heard it in the distance – chuga-chuga toot-toot … a train. Yes, everywhere I lived I identified with a train or a church and its bell ringing. However, in this case there was no bell ringing aside from the fact I am in the tail-end of the Bible Belt – not one and never have heard one around here nor in town – instead there was a tree in my backyard, all mine is a plus to feel belonging, one that I judged its worth to cut down or let it be, and in an abstract sense for the sake of art the branches formed a huge Heart-shape. It was a sign; abstract – my personal journey. Nature does that such as a rock in the shape of a heart (abstract), a feeling (abstract), the sound of a familiar voice (thinning veil; abstract). A Natural Journey customized just for me. That is why someone else may not understand … There is Beauty in Hard Places, as you say Colette ….
    I appreciate your Art : )
    Coco is a Bear
    LOV : )

  • Kathie

    Hi Colette –

    Reading your post really touched me. I’m in the middle of some big forced changes in my life. Steps I wanted to take but didn’t and now they’re being done for me. My car broke down, it’s taking 13 days to fix it, rental car bills and then a notice from my landlord that they are “repurposing” my apartment and I need to leave. During all of that I broke my tooth and have an intestinal virus while trying to keep up with the never ending demands of my job. I felt this coming and should have taken the steps first. I have stayed amazingly calm through all of this because I believe in Endings and New Beginnings. I am looking forward to following my intuition and listening to guidance and I know something much better will come of what feels like total chaos right now. Thank You for your inspiration and sharing how you dealt with your situation. I’m sure your new little girl will bring much joy and light into everyones life –

    With Love and Light –

    • DLLGRJandfurballs


      Blessings : ) All Over, Under, and Around You ….

      I thought to pick a card for you from the “Hidden Realms” a deck that resonates with me: Asking ‘what does Kathie need to know in this compassionate situation she is now experiencing …?’

      The guidance received is what you already know in your own “beauty of hard places” and may be just a verification of it:

      The Prison Waif – Reversed -Challenger
      Self-sabotage, poverty consciousness

      Are you a prisoner of worry, distrust, cynicism, and fear? Do you constantly tell yourself that there’s not going to be enough? Or do you see only lack and poverty wherever you look. Perhaps your expectations of negative results and repercussions serve to keep you imprisoned by your own thoughts. Do you feel that you’re not allowed success in life? When the Prison Waif comes as your Challenger, he warns you that you’re now seeing in your life the results of those negative thoughts and expectations. If you don’t like what you see, it’s time to transform the way you see it. If you aren’t happy with your life, change your thoughts: that alone has the power to change your life. Difficulties are learning curves right now. Just remember that this prison won’t hold you for long. Take the time to learn about mistakes; the lessons ensure later and greater success (Colette Baron-Reid, 2009, Card 31).

      This is an excellent message, not as beautiful as your own retrospect, yet another clarification of the situation at hand. You mentioned you knew you had to do something about some of the issues and did not until the situations forced you to “act now”. I think this card is also implying that had you followed some of the timing of the upcoming events you might have avoided or been already prepared to resolve them sooner than later. The old adage of “save for a rainy day” applies; so spirit/the universe was already nudging you, sensed it before it happened, maybe the possibilities could benefit by taking them as real intuition. I am so looking forward to Colette’s up-coming book on that topic – maybe there will be a reveal to help us understand the honor of intuition as the 1st sense assuring it is “ok” to follow it rather than dismiss it as non-vital. If I took this card one-step further numerology-wise it is a 1+3 = 4. 4’s have to do with education and learning (Glynis McCants, 2005, “Glynis Has Your Number”)

      … This Day and Everyday Forward

  • Sylvie Côté

    Dearest Mme Colette,

    Happy for You that You got a new tiny baby. Very cute by the way. Deep, deep Thanks for
    this week’s Blog cause I feel it was written for me. I’m going through some grieving too and I pray and surrender as much as I can. Grieving is a special process and people around me want me to grieve fast even if it has not even been a month. I try to be of pleasant company but sometimes…emotions run
    over me still.

    I remind them gently that it must take it’s time to be purged correctly. I find that grieving
    comes Like waves. Sometimes it washes all over You and all one feels is deep sadness. After, there is
    Serenity and light. Things are not to bad for a whole day then … You hear a song, a phrase, A few words
    Etc. and souvenirs, emotions washes over again.

    These are life changing moments for me. Where will it take me, I do not know. But I surrender
    All because I do not want to stay in negativeties.
    Yeah! Your blog gave me hope that something better is somewhere around the corner. Just
    Have to be patient and give it time.

    Thanks also for everyone else’s stories. It makes me feel that I’m less alone and that I’m
    Related to You all be spirit. Deep gratitude goes to all of You.

    We don’t know each other Mme Colette but I extend my respect and affection to You and
    Your family. xxox

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      that is a beautiful post and I feel I do know you as we all share some of ourselves here we are allowing intimacy in the tribe, holding space for our community.. one story at a time. Big hug xoxo

  • Eric

    As I was online listening to music like I do from time to I found another song that resonated with me as I think on this weeks topic, the new moon/solar eclipse, the vernal equinox. This is a time for change which can be scary whether it is change of our own doing or change we get to observe. We’ve had the Mercury retrograde to think about change, we have Pluto, the planet of transformations, squaring Uranus, the sudden, unpredictable energy, and Uranus trine to Jupiter retrograde, the planet of expansion. . . . change is a comin! We’ve addressed distinguishing between our wants and our needs; this has been a daunting task for me. I would like to have them be one and the same but in order to get them synchronized do I have to change something or do I have to adapt to the coming changes?

    I rediscovered an artist as I was going through songs and it hit home; Terri Clark released the song “No Fear” in 2000 from her album “Fearless”. She has said it comes from personal experience (she also said that she likes to read spiritual books, so if you want to hook a fellow Canadian up Colette . . . 😉 ) It helped me cope with 9/11 when I was in the Navy and I hope it can help those who are apprehensive about what is to come in the change whether it’s action or reaction. I’m putting the lyrics here hoping that it resonates with others as it has with me. Look carefully, she tells you where to look for your wants 😉

    I want a road stretching out before me
    I want a radio in my ear
    I want a full tank of absolution, no fear

    I want a rainstorm to pull me over
    Then a sky that begins to clear
    Towards the truest of destinations, no fear

    I used to hit every wall there was
    I used to run away from love
    All I ever wanted was right here
    But I had to reach way down inside
    I had to have faith I’d find, no fear

    I want the world to just keep on turning
    I want the dawn in my rear view mirror
    I want to hear my own voice singing, no fear

    And when I need two arms around me
    And there’s no one near
    When I’m alone let the only sound be, no fear

    I used to hit every wall there was
    I used to run away from love
    All I ever wanted was right here
    But I had to reach way down inside
    I had to have faith I’d find, no fear

    I want peace, love, and understanding
    A stogie and an ice cold beer
    Don’t want to live afraid of dying, no

    I used to hit every wall there was
    I used to run away from love
    All I ever wanted was right here
    But I had to reach way down inside

    I used to stay up all night long
    Wondering what I was doing wrong
    All I every needed was right here
    But I had to reach way down inside
    I had to have faith I’d find, no fear, no fear, no fear

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      love this 😉

    • DLLGRJandfurballs

      I agree, E & C and Tribe:

      … the Reality versus Faith as the Authentic Self, by this exercise become one, which will be unique to each one who identified the want/reality and the soul/faith – affirmed – and prays.

      Reading the details of those compositions evoked and invoked feeling as one; peaceful. Amazing Grace how sharing the true self (authentic) in a kind demeanor is a blessing, healthy, and keeps the peace. Contradictory, Nature is at times chaotic in temperament for civilization (us humans) and in seeking to control the chaos humans cause destruction of Nature (the Higher Power’s Garden, perhaps); Faith does not need anything realistic it, pretty much, goes with the flow while reality crumbles faith survives despite wants, needs, or desires. Humans need to “accept the things they cannot change, change the things they can, as well know the difference between the two – serene Wisdom, Amen. Living together reality and faith can find balance sometimes a traditional common mix for humans and sometimes not however goodness reigns, “the next best action”, as it is the basic messaging system between all creatures in existence. Fear is the unknown once known becomes an amazing grace.

      Amazing Blessings : )
      Have a Peaceful Stay ….

  • Ann Chisholm Hart

    I just had the most intense 2 month relationship with a man who found me. He could not commit, promise’s and then bolted. What did I learn after 6 years of celibacy and being sober? I still have the authentic me. I was happy, serene, true to self, and I am again. People pass through my life, and I learn from them. Life is not an emergency! Namaste from Ann in Toronto. I love being in your tribe…….

  • Jaime

    This week Is,, Thank you Thank you ,,, I think I will not add a word to the last radio Robert Ohotto, Cool!!!..
    and many many comments-Astrologers all over the world and languages.!!!… many answers and support

    Well… Well…. What about Comet 67P ?…. in relation with Hawaiian Area , some “needle” is there , ( fractals are
    all over the places) ,, later later in 2027 or so…..Oh My God…. Rosseta Project !!!!!…. Have a look !!! Astronomers…
    Please…. ( is in Aquarius already) There are still some many other layers in this Rosseta word ….. Love it…..
    But is that the comet? uhmmm…

    The last Eclipse and the stellium before and after,, has caused some endings in groups and people
    but that is beautiful , because I will stay where I find love and support… So everybody ,, be happy,,, Not worries!!!..
    Peace and Love.!!!!! I will be the same.!!!! opsss Sorry…..

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