How to Reinvent Your Love Life (or How to Break Blocks to Love)!

Updated: October 28, 2018

Love is in the air! Can you feel it? I think autumn is the most romantic time of the year. Yes I know it’s spring down under but It’s this time of year for me that turns on my romantic buttons. I know I’ve said this before but I just love all aspects of love. I love being in love and helping people understand and experience more love. I love my awesome husband, I love my job, I love my dogs, my friends, my students, my employees and you know what -my world is brimming with love! I have so much of it to give. And so I do!

It was not always like this. I used to look for love, and determine my worth for how much the outer world would reflect my lovability and value depending on who was there or not there to prove it to me. I thought longing and yearning was love but it wasn’t – it was the focus on the lack of love that was so compelling and “romantic.”

For many years I struggled with this need to be loved and seen as worthy. When I was single, for a long time to me it was a message that I was flawed. I could only see the empty part of the glass. Yet thank goodness I saw the Light.  It was only when I surrendered this fully, and learned to love myself and be a channel for love that I no longer saw myself that way. And paradoxically the more I let go the need to find love, the more of it came to me!

I know that for many people, the mention of love and relationships elicits frustration, regret, anxiety, and a sudden need for chocolate. You want to meet the right person, but things just never seem to pan out. Or, you keep thinking you’ve met “the one” only to discover that he or she is just as commitment phobic or dishonest as “the one” before him/her. It’s the same old story with a new leading love interest, and you wonder what you’re doing wrong.

Do you find yourself repeating the same situation over and over? It may seem like dysfunctional relationships are part of your destiny, but they aren’t. We’re all made for deeply spiritual, romantic partnerships. You can change your story, but you have to start with examining your past and letting go of limiting unconscious beliefs. And, no matter how much you want one, you need to let go that want lest you only focus on what isn’t there yet.

If you feel unfinished in any aspect of your life, that experience and those expectations get filed into your unconscious. Your unconscious then steers you to look for situations that support those hidden beliefs and expectations. For example, if your father was an alcoholic and you haven’t fully healed from that pain, your unconscious mind will drive you into situations in which you attract partners with addictions. Or, if you felt betrayed by your first girlfriend and didn’t truly heal from the experience, you’ll repeat the story with future partners, co-workers, and even friends.

Many of us also secretly believe we need a relationship to be whole, the way I did.  It’s not our fault especially because we’ve been taught to be socially acceptable you need to be partnered, or especially for women in my mom’s generation, you needed an affiliation with a man’s power to be safe. Also for thousands of years since the annihilation of the goddess culture and the advent of patriarchy women have had no rights at all and so partnering and marriage kept you from the street. Times are changing so it’s good to look at what you believe about romance, and what it really means deep down.

We long for love to complete us, rescue us, or make us happy. If you feel such longing and yearning, as I mentioned above, already you’re coming from a place of lack instead of love. To be healed in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re broken and need fixing. Relationships are an opportunity to play out a different story. And, in these fascinating times, we are being invited to look at love and relationships differently.

Remember that if you do what you did, you’ll get what you got. It’s time to do something different in love!

Exercise: If you’re consistently getting the same results when it comes to relationships (or any other aspect of your life), it’s time to take an inventory of the story you tell about your past. Take some time today to write out a list of all the men/women you’ve had relationships with starting from the time you were young to now. Then answer the following questions: How did you felt about each experience? What was common among the experiences?

What were you taught about relationships? Do you still have some unconscious programs running?

Next, write out the qualities of your ideal relationship. Take some time to picture what it will look and feel like. Who do you need to become to have the relationship? Write a new story of you in this loving, healthy relationship.

Then, get out and date! Pray for Divine guidance and trust your intuition to guide you to the right relationship.

Intuition is KEY!

Listen to it, not what your desires, hopes, and dreams want. That’ll come later if you get past this first stage. We all get a sense the minute you meet someone but we often block it out through the filters of our past experiences.

TRUST your INTUITION first, and if you get a green light, proceed.

Be sure to stay awake!

If you see any red flags, it’s time to move on no matter how hypnotically gorgeous your date may be. Make mental notes of positive and negative feelings you experience. Intuition is a feeling. Pay attention without your eyes. Be Intuitive.

Finally, have faith. Even if you haven’t seen evidence of a healthy relationship, trust that your new story will become a reality in Divine appropriate timing. What is yours will never be taken away.

Anything is possible when you open your connection to the Universe



Showing 25 comments
  • Leslie

    Thanks so much for this, Colette! 10 years ago I had a reading with you and you helped me understand the personal work I still needed to do for a relationship. It took a little time, but I did it and he showed up! 🙂 We’ve been together for almost 7 years – he’s wonderful in ways I couldn’t have dreamed up.

    It seems like the principles and methods you talk about in this post also can’t apply to other areas like work, for instance. That’s my biggest areas of challenge at the moment, but it feels similar to the romantic relationship issues. So I’m going to try and experiment and apply that to my job stuff!!

    Thank you so much, as always, for being a marvelous teacher found a consistent voice of love and light in the world. 💕

    • Leslie

      Replying to my own post – typo correction- these principles and methods CAN apply to areas in life besides romantic love. Cheers!

  • Joyce V

    I did the exercise on writing down what I wanted, then I ignored it. But true to the Universe it came around again in what I wanted and I listened this time and it has been a totally different experience. Intuition is there and when we ignore it we get into trouble. Thank your this reminder. You inspire me.

  • Sharon Hiebert

    Dear Colette.
    In this blog, you have captured the message I’ve been trying to convey to one of my dearest friends. There is superior guidance in your words. Thank you.

    I do not have all the answers but I know when the red flags go up, it’s time to run far away and as fast as you can. We can’t fix other people’s issues and we certainly don’t want to deny them – unless ending up in another unhappy, unpleasant situation is the goal. Much appreciation for this wisdom.


  • Anita

    Colette! Thank you so much, I love these visualizations. Any chance of making an app of visualizations for love, creativity, work? besos 😘

  • Anita

    Ps my husband and I listen to your grounding meditation every morning 😊

  • Debbie

    Great advice & teaching, as always ! ILOVE YOU !

  • Carole

    “Get out and date!” If only it were that easy.

  • Ginny

    Dear Colette,
    I love the photo here of you and your fella. You look like two best friends, on an adventure together. That would be the ideal.
    I’m an old warhorse on the relationship/dating front and the pasture is probably the best place for me now. I never say never even though my own and others’ experiences in the relationship game have been far, far, far below that ideal. I guess with that body of knowledge it’s hard not to believe that those good matches are the exception. I know of three amongst people I know well. So yes, possible – but probable…eh…
    On the other hand, yes, women can enjoy singledom these days without fear. Super friends, family, pets; wonderful home; many interests – life is also good. And I’m wise enough to know that ‘no relationship’ is far healthier than a bad one. There is always room for life to get even better, but this one, too, creates happiness as it stands, strong on my own two feet. All the best to you.

  • Michelle

    Great blog topic Colette! I can totally relate as I have apparently not healed the past experiences and repeated the same mistakes. So my question is, how does one know they have truly healed so they can move forward in confidence of not repeating the story?

    • Colette Baron-Reid

      you know by your choices, behavior and by seeing how far you’ve come but we are all works in progress- don’t wait for perfection..

  • Shelley Séguin

    Dear Colette
    Superb blog! I feel that I had a lot of help from Spirit to be guided towards my life partner . He came into my life only when I had really faced my aloneness. When I felt that I did not ” need” a partner, there he was. He and I have done a lot of work, marriage is not without challenges . It’s SO worth it. I know it sounds like a cliché, but our love has only grown stronger and deeper . I never, never take this for granted . I am grateful for my guy ( my Bear) every single day .
    Thanks again Colette for your blog, for your help, guidance and for sharing your love. 💖

  • Elena

    I have a slightly different situation around this and I’m assuming I’m not the only one experiencing this. So, I took a year and a half off from dating after a break-up that followed a 10 year relationship. I finally felt ready to start dating. I signed up for some apps, including one for people with a spiritual (not religious) focus. I went on a few dates with nice men, but I didn’t feel a connection, so I didn’t go on any more dates. Then I met someone online who seemed to resonate based on our profiles. We emailed and texted for a while, then talked on the phone, with more resonance. We share similar spiritual beliefs, outlook on life, and dreams. But when we met, I didn’t feel a physical attraction. We hugged briefly after our dinner date and walk, and, again, I didn’t feel any kind of connection on a physical level. We went on a hike and shared good conversation. It’s easy being around him. But I feel no physical attraction whatsoever. He seems to be getting more interested. I enjoy his company and like many things about him. There are no red flags. So now I’m questioning myself for not feeling physically attracted to a man that seems to have so many of the qualities that I’m looking for. I wonder whether I should give this a chance to see if I develop an attraction that extends to the physical, or whether I should stop now before he gets more involved. I will take my question to the Oracle cards, but any insight shared here would be deeply appreciated. Relationships with men has been one of the biggest hurdles.

  • Janet Bradley

    Hello Colette
    Today I meet a kindred spirit. I was attending a funeral of a wonderful friend.
    As the casket was being carried out of the church and the people started to follow, I saw a women across the aisle who looked very familiar. She was also looking at me. We meet after but could not fine a connection on a worldly level, but our souls knew one another. Should I try to connect with her?
    Thank you for everything you do .I love your work.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks, this was really helpful and reassuring ❤️

  • Kath

    Thanks, this was really helpful and reassuring ❤️

  • Barbara Riordan

    Collette I have recently been deceived and lied to by my partner of 2.5 years. I have been patiently waiting for the divorce to be final and in a situation he claimed would never happen he put her above us and risked our relationship. Usually I am able to reconcile, work through, forgive and move beyond. I am having a difficult time this time around. I’m hoping after reading this again a few times I can reflect and find my answers. Thanks always for sharing your gifts, talents and information. Always so appreciative.

  • Vera

    Hi Colette, funny I was doing this a week ago, it just came to me to see what my “stories” were in past relationships and lo and behold, I realized it is the same old story again. 🙂
    I knew straight away it is ME that has the power to change this story this time, by doing more inner work and meditations. I have to say I was a bit shocked but also happily relieved to realize it is my own mind that makes these stories. Cause now I know I CAN change anything 🙂 Thank you Colette for being on this planet right now…..your insight and guidance are spot on……

  • Renee Sugar

    “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Rumi

  • Bettymay

    I love that picture.

  • Eric

    It’s been a long time since I’ve written in to your blog. My life has changed in ways I’ve never imagined. I’ve gotten a new job with several promotions, and while the work can be challenging and exhausting at times I feel that it is a stepping stone to where I want to be (besides, I asked for it 😉 ). My health has stabilized and I am looking forward to new and better things. I did finish my book, a cookbook! It has mom’s recipes for holiday pies and cakes as well as my stories and memories of mom making them.
    Finding the title of your blog this week is pretty apropos; I’ve been looking to bring someone into my life now that I’m in a better place than I was a few years ago. I want someone to complement my life, not complicate it, as I’m sure we all do. Although I haven’t had a chance to sign up for your Oracle Card class yet I wanted to consult the oracle about bringing someone into my life. I’ve learned that in many cases it’s all about timing; we can meet the right person at the wrong time, or we just might not be ready for each other at a particular moment. Upon reading the blog I took that as a cledon that it was the right time to be thinking about bringing someone into my life, as we know there are no coincidences. I was using the Wisdom of the Oracle deck, shuffling as I was concentrating on a question. I wanted to know about a trip I was planning to take next summer to visit a friend. As I was shuffling the deck a card pops out and falls on to the table. It was card #39 “New Life”. “Well, the message couldn’t be any clearer”, I thought; but after thinking about it knowing me I wanted to “drill down” a little more: was it a New Life for me? For me with someone? A new job? A position springing from the one I have now? I didn’t draw the second card for clarification as you have instructed to do because at the time I thought the message was clear. In the end I think it’s just best to mark my calendar, pack a bag, and enjoy the trip. I trust that there will be something/someone that will change my life in some way.
    There are a couple of questions that I had about the experience. The first being that when a card jumps out of the deck like that is that the card you should pay attention to? I usually shuffle the deck while concentrating on my question, fan the deck on table, and pick my card(s) for the reading; this happened before I even got into my fanning of the cards. I know that in life we can “Jump or be pushed” when it comes to making decisions, but it looks like the Universe is giving me a little help.
    The second question is how long after an initial reading can you pull a clarification card? In my case I think the message was pretty clear but for future readings I wanted to make sure. If you cover these events in you Oracle course then I’ll have to be sure that I sign up for it!
    Thank you for all you do! In a world that can sometimes seem bleak your work brings Light into the lives of everyone who sees it!

    Best wishes,


    • Colette Baron-Reid

      Oracle School next September!! Don’t overthink the cards Eric.. let them percolate and synch in…

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