Embrace Your Unique Identity in the Sacred Collective: The Third Energy!
Updated: March 15, 2021
There was a time when I was so disconnected from who I was at my core, so out of balance in my third energy, that I had to be spiritually bankrupt before I could finally discover my identity and worthiness.
For most of my life, and for many reasons I did not understand until much later in life, I was raised to deny my authentic self. As a result I was a chameleon, shifting according to the environment I was in and what I thought those around me expected from me.
The instruction to hide my true identity was hammered into me. My mom always used to tell me, “Never talk about the family. Never talk about yourself.” I had to look and behave a certain way to fit into her idea of what was acceptable— she even picked my clothes! I wasn’t allowed to wear blue jeans — and this was the 70s when EVERYONE was wearing jeans. And my straight hair, well she made me curl it before I left the house to look more like her, conservative and not reflective of my taste or nature. You can imagine how her attempts to make me fit in actually made me stand out like a pigeon in a yard of peacocks.
Inherited Beliefs Can Take Control of Your Life
At the time, I didn’t understand that my mother was dealing with her own self-identity issues and she was doing her best to protect me. She was trying to keep me safe in the only way she knew how.
She kept a secret too when she came to Canada and only revealed it when I was 25 after a family tragedy. She was a hidden child adopted by a Christian family but she was actually Jewish. I can imagine how painful it was to keep the secret of surviving the Holocost, the memory of her father picked up by the SS in front of her and killed in a concentration camp. So, she had her own beliefs and stories about the danger associated with owning your real identity. In her experience, it could literally be life-threatening, and she wanted to save me from that.
All I knew growing up, though, was this: Who I naturally was, and the things I was naturally attracted to, were wrong and bad. Talk about a load of shame!
These years upon years of conditioning had a direct effect on my third energy, which is the seat of personal power, will, vitality, and individuation. As a result, I believed the story that I couldn’t be myself, that I had to conform, that who I was wasn’t acceptable. And when you don’t accept and value yourself, it’s impossible to see your worth and expect others to accept you as you really are.
My story at the time was that I had to fit in to be accepted and safe, and that being unique and being different was not good. So my whole life, I struggled with feeling like I was too much of everything and not enough of anything right. I was created to be different, unique, colorful, and vibrant… AND I was told that I needed to blend in so I could stay safe.
Identifying the Truth About Self-Worth
This disconnect between who I was on the inside, and what I had to pretend to be on the outside, left me way out of alignment. Drugs and alcohol became part of the way I tried to deal with that disconnect, until I got to the point in my 20s where I was so numbed out that I couldn’t have told you who I really was if you’d asked!
After I hit bottom and as I got sober, though, I learned to stop hiding and stop hurting myself. It didn’t happen all at once, and it was knee-shaking scary. But I knew my survival was dependent on being willing to go to the hidden places and embrace what I found there. This was a complete rewriting of my wiring. Suddenly, I was learning that hiding myself was what was making me hurt. I needed to emerge from the shell I’d constructed in order to truly be safe.
During recovery, I met this old lady, Margarete, who sponsored me and took me under her wing. She told me that I was meant to be me and no one else. She literally said, “You be who you are. You just be who you are and we are going to clean up your past, clean up the messes that you made.”
She saw who I was underneath the layers of pretending, underneath the fear and shields I’d erected to keep myself safe, and she told me I was okay, accepted, loved.
She affirmed who I was, and she made me feel like that was enough, and at the same time, I wasn’t TOO much. I was an exotic bird, she told me, and all I had to do was be who I was created to be.
Stripping Away the Past
So step by step, I stripped away the pretense and the lies about who I was, and I found myself underneath. It was like stripping layers of old paint off the wall in order to get to the beautiful bare wood underneath!
It took a lot of work and sweat and elbow grease, and I sometimes wondered if it was really worth it. But then I’d see a glimpse of what lay underneath the grit and muck, and I’d resolve to keep going.
Some days, all I could do was repeat my mantra, which was, “It’s safe to be me.” Just over and over again, “It’s safe to be me. It’s safe to be who I am.” And gradually, my self-acceptance grew and I trusted in who I’d been created to be.
The more I shared my inner truth, the more confident I became. And over time, the facets of my personality and soul that I feared would lead to my rejection — like my intuitive work and my singing — actually became some of my most cherished traits and skills that brought me and the world around me so much joy.
Moving on from Loneliness and Rejection
If you’ve been in this situation where you’ve believed you have to hide your inner self, maybe you dealt with it by learning to be a really great actor and pretending for everyone. Or by being the chameleon who blends into your surroundings. Or by numbing the pain of alienation like I did, or by just telling yourself that you’re never enough and you’ll never be enough and accepting a role as “less than.” Chances are, you felt lonely and excluded like I did.
I invite you to see those feelings as invitations to take a look at the stories you’re believing regarding acceptance and self-identity, in order to move to a higher-level belief of personal power and self-determination!
Developing an Unshakable Sense of Worthiness
If you’re wondering how to have self-worth, it starts with the stories you are believing about your identity. The truth is that you were created with inherent worthiness, a spark of the Divine that is manifested only through your existence.
In order to believe that new, empowering truth, you can explore your creative self-expression through dance, music, art, and words.
What is unique about yourself?
What do you try to hide away from view?
What if you brought those elements into the sunshine for all to see and appreciate?
The very things you may be ashamed of are often the very reason you were created!
You create yourself every day through the choices you make and the stories you tell. It’s time to assume your role as Storyteller and Divine co-creator. Spirit lives in you and is supporting you. You are uniquely and wonderfully made. There is only one of you in all creation. Let your inner brilliance shine!
P.S. Energy 3 is represented by fire. It is the seat of vitality, joy and anger, will, and more. When our third energy is in alignment, it can move us to achieve our goals and undergo needed transformations, as the fire contains so much potential to change us and fuel our action.
On social media this week, I invited my community to take a poll, telling me what key concept of Energy 3 you’d like to focus on for the rest of 2021. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this transformative energy!
Thank you so much for your writing. Although our stories are different, the experience of being a chameleon and being whoever you needed to be to feel worthy and loved resonated so deeply and felt like my own words. Your guidance and words have a deep impact on my soul. I am grateful for have being guided to your works. Thank you 🙏
chère Colette je n’ai jamais pu me payer une abonnements à tes cours de tarot mais depuis ce jour chaque fois où je sens que ce monde me semble étrange je reçois un info lettres de votre pars et me rends compte que je suis étrangère depuis trop longtemps à moi
Omg!!! Thank you! You are such an inspiration!💖💞
I would like to Focus on developing my goals in animal care I love animals very much and would like to work with animals I have a animal care diploma which I can’t use because of lack of jobs available
Funny I really needed this today !! Lol I have lived my life of expectations like you I would just fit into the surroundings and shift with the next husband or relationship . Although I see the path today that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be at this time in my life ,I also see that the spiritual path as an energy worker is not for those lifetimes and I am trying to appeal to people of the past that no longer have a role in my life instead of looking to the future where my soul tribe is . They have been waiting for me to show up and be “ me “ . I am an Aquarius and I believe it would not have happened one moment sooner than now and the lessons I learned from my past have also given me the strength to go forward as a bold confident teacher of spirit ..
God bless 🙏🏻
Thank you, Colette! What a powerful, amazing, authentic story. I really appreciate you sharing this with me. I know it’s for the world but it felt like it was written just for me
This is so true for me. It’s hard to like yourself when you’re asked to be somebody else. My mother thought she was protecting me, I guess, by having me wear her mother’s polyester suits and Oxford shirts when I was a teenager in the 70s. Of course I had no boyfriend in high school. Who would want me? I always looked for a deep love relationship. Maybe because I was looking for it in myself and my relationship with God, but I didn’t recognize it. I’m still trying to get middle ground.
This reading is so beautiful. I found myself in it as I read it, it is helping me to understand a bit more and more about myself. I need to learn how to leave the past behind. I thought that somehow I had done all of that, a few years ago; but recently my old thoughts came back. I have some self-work to do and in the meantime, I will read your posts. Thanks for helping and sharing your personal journey.
Thank you for your deep sharing Collette,
most of my young life I hid myself away as well,
“it’s safe to be me” is a mantra that resonates!
Thank you for this article, Colette. Every time you wrote or talk about your past amazed me how similar our experiencies was into so different environments. I recently noticed that I was hidding myself again… I do it so many times that sometimes is difficult recognized who I really am, but I’m still digging. I want to focus in my inner Joy the rest of 2021. Actually that’s was my focused intention for 2021. I know I will. I’m doing my best. Love you!
Thank you for your kindness and positivity. I really appreciate your honesty and I resonate with your words. I hope to own a deck of your cards in the near future
Thank you Colette. Such a beautiful and authentic share. I could relate to parts from a different perspective. I can clearly recall being told that —— would never do that!!!
Hiding the shame and guilt that my father
was an alcoholic often required my family to
act as if we had an unremarkable life. ” Act ” was the operative word. Being a creative soul had an early beginning when I studied classical music (piano) starting @ age 6.
It was a channel for expression for what I had no language to express. What my spirit preferred was to accompany myself at the piano playing the current popular tunes. I was different, and living with parental addiction was a reality dissimilar to how my friends
& their families conducted themselves. I began to paint around age 23 after I was hospitalized for depression. I still have several paintings from that time and when I compare them to the kind of work I currently create, they are light years apart. The evolution took a lifetime.
” Becoming ” is a journey unlike any I had embarked upon. At certain stages, I was
” performing ” not ” being “. The discomfort was felt, I can still recall the perspiration rings.
There was a lot of disharmony between the person I presented and the real me. As there was sexual abuse in my familys’ home, when my friends were dating I wasn’t, and I definitely felt like I was a loser. Toss me into the scrap yard labeled disposable, with no value. Sad but true. Or at least I believed it.
What I didn’t know until I found my way to a 12 step programme for children of alcoholics. I learned I didn’t cause my fathers’ illness, nor could I control or cure it. Up until his death early in his 60′ was I unable to forgive myself. Confusing is an understatement. Claiming all of the parts of the soul called “me” has been a work in progress. All the pieces of the puzzle have been provided to design an original composition. They are in the process of being assembled to reveal the divine package. None are missing or don’t fit right. Each piece intended to fill the place that only I can. Proudly I say this is possible. Audrey Hepburn said, the word IMPOSSIBLE is clearly two words. I’M POSSIBLE.
I would like to have the will to do what I must do to find joy and peace and who I really am which is my biggest concern
Really enjoyed this post. Probably work on transformation for 2021 🙂
I absolutely love the comment you made that said: “She affirmed who I was, and she made me feel like that was enough, and at the same time, I wasn’t TOO much.” That spoke volumes to me! How often do we make ourselves small to fit into the world or to what people have decided was normal. There are days when my vibration is high, but others aren’t, so I feel like I’m too much for them to handle. Thank you for sharing your experience with all of us!!
I want to know about my boyfriend and our relationship and how try to stop us be together and why
I needed this today
This what I’m almost done the major healing I’ve been working on. Even though I will always have more to work on, I’m at a completely different place and self than I was a year ago. Thanks to you Colette, your cards, and a couple of other masters I encountered at Soulfest, and a private master. 🔥🦄💐💖💝💖. Let’s celebrate a past year of miracles and actively embrace this years miracles! 🎊🎈🎉🥳🙌👏
I grew up thinking I was too much, too loud too everything, and I found it hard to know who I am. I’m trying very hard to discover who I am now and be my authentic self. Thank you so much Colette for all your inspiration. It has helped me to find a path to follow and a way to reveal who I truly am. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your life with us Colette! You have always been my biggest inspiration(maybe it’s because we’re both good ol 🇨🇦 girls😂😂😂) I can relate to hiding who we really are because we are supposed to “fit in”! I’m 55 and this past year I dove head first into creating the mystical magical life that was always just beneath the surface, like an iceberg, only letting the world see the tip when I knew there was so much more to me! (It’s now11:11😁) So I opened a great big can of WOOHOO tonight and did my first reading for someone that I hadn’t met until tonight and it was amazing! I’m physically exhausted after readings even though my brain is wired, even when I do them for family, so maybe you can share some wisdom on that subject. I did one of your meditations beforehand, grounded, etc., maybe just because it’s so new to me? I hear, feel, see and speak with my loved ones in Spirit but didn’t expect to have that happen with my first client😳 I so appreciate the guidance, explanations and WOOHOO you continue to share with us Colette! Oh and Dragonflies hold a special place in my ❤ too and I admire the ones you wear in your videos❤ Cheers to living the life we ALL desire🙏❤🙏 Susie
Ps, I need to buy a DON’T POO THE WOOWOO t-shirt 😊
This is just what I needed to hear, not surprising it is almost exactly my story. Thank you for having the courage to become and to embrace Yourself and now I know it is time for me to find out who I really am and stride forward and be her!