Dearest beautiful you,
This week I noticed a theme while working with some of my clients that I thought I’d bring to you this week. I noticed there was a recurring discussion about speaking the truth, using your voice in a powerful way, and dealing with the consequences of what happens when you don’t speak out of fear.
Authenticity requires you to use your voice with a certain veracity– telling the truth, the absolute truth. Finding your voice takes courage, especially if you were raised to be seen and not heard, or you had to fight to be heard, or you were punished for telling the truth. Maybe all these things were implied while you were learning how to fit in, before finding out who you wanted to be.
This was always a tough one for me, because being open and honest about my truth was dangerous. At least that’s what I learned from my mother. For her entire life she feared the worst and never allowed herself to be intimate with anyone lest that put her in danger. She survived the Holocaust in Nazi Germany by being hidden in a Christian family who later adopted her. So there was an underlying message I learned early on about the possibility of grave consequences for being transparent.
Maybe that’s why I feel so passionate about transparency and speaking the truth. It’s an honorable way to be with people, but mostly with myself.
Many times I’ve been riveted in fear: when speaking in front of people, or setting boundaries with someone who didn’t respect mine, or making amends and taking real ownership of my part in something that caused a rift in a friendship. Sometimes I’m so afraid to disappoint someone I feel sick to my stomach but I’ve learned the anxiety is something I inherited and not something that’s mine.
What about you? What have you inherited that makes it hard or easy to tell your truth? How have you overcome this? Have you said what you needed to say even if your hands were shaking?
Sure It’s scary but the pay off is amazing.
You get freedom. The freedom you feel when you own your truth, engage in self-evaluation, give voice to what inspires you and honor what you stand for regardless if people dislike you for it.
The velocity that leads you forward rapidly manifesting from a place of truth and honesty comes as if out of nowhere to sweep you up and forward on your destiny road.
Voicing what’s going on, telling your story, letting yourself be heard is so freeing.
Let’s spend a bit of time together thinking of one moment you can remember in which you said what you meant and not what you thought you were supposed to say. Bring that memory to mind. Savor it.
Having your voice heard is essential to your well-being. Speaking your truth even if your voice trembles and you trip over your tongue and you are the most inarticulate nerd on the planet…there is something so magical and freeing about speaking to what is.
So this week think about this. Your Voice is key, Veracity is the only thing that’s important. Should you remember those two things, know this: truth-telling calls in miracles that happen with such velocity you will truly believe in magic.
Love to you special tribe, I am listening for your voices.
Colette
The Invision Project
Founder, CEO
intuition-insight-influence
If you have a question you would like to ask Colette, write to her at AskColette@ColetteBaronReid.com. All published questions and answers will be anonymous – we honor and protect your privacy. (Please, Colette respectfully asks that you do not request a reading as the anticipated response to your question.)
Dear Beautiful Angel,
You make some things make since to me and then other post confuse me..lol
I antilize everything..I’m tryin not too. My voice is lost….execpet 6 months ago I told my grandsons other grandma….just how the hell it was. she whines and is so dramtic…I do feel sorry for her..which does nothing for anyone…I just went off on her and told her she needed to stop drinkin if she wanted any part to do with Grandson (Ayden). I told her it wasn’t about her..it was about him. she said she would try and stop. just found out she lied she has been in and out off hospitals ..out only because she discharged herself. and Now shes just slowly killing herself. One part of me says she 50 something and knows what she needs to do…the other part of me wants to smack some since into her..not really smack…But she knows….So I’m still stuck on that voice. My voice some how got lost cause no matter what i’d say someone always took it wrong….Hell I don’t know…But thank you for everything you do. Much Love and Respect,
Maybe there are times when it’s not your voice, but rather, the hearing of others that is lost. To listen, you must be ready to claim what you hear. Whether it is admitting a personality flaw or believing your are a recognized beauty——your ears have to tune in, your thinking has to decipher, your heart has to accept the truth. So, in the case of the other grandma especially, and her dependency, your voice was used strong-it was the ears of your audience that failed.
I was raised to be seen and not heard which has always made it very hard for me to speak up for myself. In fact my throat feels like it’s constricting when I’m dying to say something but too scared to say it. So I will never forget the moment when, after taking 6 months to pluck up the courage, I finally told my ex-husband that I was leaving him, that I was no longer going to live with his verbal abuse and that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live with somebody who doesn’t love me. Phew! That was so scary, when I think back I almost can’t believe I had the courage to say it. But what a HUGE relief to have finally said it. I was so proud of myself. Thanks for the wonderful blogs Colette.
This is just what I needed! I talk often, but usually what people want to hear, I’m a chameleon, picking up on body language and energy so I can make the other person be at ease, or plain old like me. I do have a question though, in work related matters, is it best to keep some ideas or thoughts to yourself? I started a new job in retail, which is actually working out well because I relate with people so easily, but have issues of how the company ‘works’, the greed part of it, like not being paid commission to sell one of their items that cost $60, although they track us and tell how many we ‘should’ sell that day (I feel it’s based out of fear where that’s the only place to go to motivate if not by commission). Psychological business reports shows this fear based method creates a passive aggressive work environment and high turn-over. If a chain company already assumes to treat its workers like this, is it best to put up and shut up until I find a new job because the reaction probably will be bad (which is way I don’t speak my truth with many–I know it won’t be taken well even if I say it with loving care) or are there just times I should accept fear based work environments? Thank You-Paula from Maine
Colette,
Thank you for this article, this is something I have been slowly removing out of my system. For years I’ve been the quite one and need to completely change that.
I know for a fact I am suppose to talk in front of people, many people, on the topic of my book I recently published. It an important and horrific subject for many.
My book is a memoir of my life experience in and out of divorce court. I hope to help many parents with fighting against their unstable spouse with removing their children from abuse.
And bring awareness to another serious subject, how Child Services nationwide has become corrupt and have been illegally removing children for money, or for their own purposes. As well as in other areas they are putting children back into unstable abusive parents custody. Mainly I want to stop the abuse with children completely.
you can see more about me at http://www.ourchildrencomefirst.com
Thank you again
Rob
I’ve always felt that I’ve told the truth no matter what, but my main issue one day wasn’t telling the truth but following up on it. Let me explain.
I was married and I had a very bad suspicion that my ex husband was having an affair. I was feeling paranoid and was feeling like I was going crazy because of course he was denying everything. I was gaining weight like crazy even though I was eating right and working out. ( this seems to happen to me when my body starts absorbing negative energy that I cant’ dispel)
One day I asked him for the truth. I told him that everyone makes mistakes and if he had screwed up that we would do something together( counselling) to fix it. I told him he had to be honest to fix this and that if he wasn’t and I found out that he lied that it would be over.
Of course he kept denying it. Even swore of his sons life…how pathetic.
In the end it all came out. I got the proof I so desperately needed. So I left him. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. I had to follow my own truth and my truth was that I would not put up with this.
So now I know it’s not just what you say but following through with what you say . That is my truth, that is my voice.
Being genuine is very important but this is complicated especially when the comunication is done when one is emotional. Anger can be genuine but not always a good idea to express. I have learned to ask myself a question, “Am I expressing this for me or am I expressing this for the other person? What are my intentions?
Hello Beautiful Collette, It is amazing how spirit works. I am working on exactly what you are writing about. I grew up on a cattle ranch and our nearest neighbors were miles away. I went to school with two other girls in my class. My parents were strick on doing as you are told and don’t ask questions. I am very shy Cancerian and as I grew into adult hood I had no voice. Because of not having my voice, I had many situations where I was used and terrribly hurt by others. Physical abuse as well as verbal abuse. It has been quite a journey my life. I started 9 years ago with baby steps, beginning to speak my truth. Starting to say “no”. In fact, just yesterday with trembling hands and a pit in my tummy I told an aquaintance “no”. I felt so good after that. It is really freeing!! I started a spiritual discussion group about 5 years ago now and I speak my truth. It is magnificent!! I still have situations especially with family members to use my voice, but I am working on that everyday. Thank You so much Collette. May we always remember to have a voice.
my question to you is i have been raising my 2 daughters since birth ,i have already raised 2 sons .I live in vermont . I am a domestic violence survivor my childrens father lives in the next town over from me . i do not bother with him as i have set my boundaries. this is my truth. I have have been moving forward in my life also i have days when my mind just keeps going and i try my hardest to stay inthe present momenti do meditate to music .ihave read a few of your book and was able to see you in newyork at the javitts ctr. i ask for some advice on my direction as i choose to move forward in my career and trying to multitask my work children and some classes ive been taking . ialso letgo of other classes i was taking feeling it was to much overwhelmed .i ask what can you advise me in to help in continue in moving forward with no set goal and at times feeling a little lost ? I do read your cards thank you for that as well they give me messages . thankyou marilyn morales
Hi Collette,
Over the years I felt like I had to scream and shout in order for me to be heard! When I was a child I confided into my mom and a friend about an attempt of sexual abuse from a family friend. Neither one did not believe me which was one of the most hurtful feelings I have ever felt. From then on I chose to keep things to myself because I felt I could trust no one. Years later the person was exposed and both apologized to me. I am really trying to let go of the hurt and anger but sometimes it comes back! For years being a single mom to a boy I feel like other dad figures didn’t hear me or talked over me. A few years ago I had a thyroidectomy because of an unusually large growth on my thyroid but was benign . On March 11, 2011 I talked to Carol Ritberger (medical intuitive). She basically told me that I found my voice after 12 years and that other people may not appreciate it but it is going to make me a much more happier person. I have to say I do finally speak my mind when I feel it needs to be heard. I am a much more happier person! Now only if I could sing! lolol
Can you voice an opinion delicately? Will changes occur when you turn down the volume? Do you become a static crackling when you rattle at the same decibel as the machinery? Yes, yes and yes. Tone is just as important — it can reinforce the truth. Tone can add VALUE to honesty by isolating a sound from the white noise. In that – is where a truth can be heard. The reality of your truth! Whether meant as a mapping tool someone else or meant for your inner search alone, VOICE is VICTORY– the journey from point A to B — the. ” win–win ” for everyone
Hi Colette,
What a timely message. I spent last night thinking about this. I am very honest and speak the truth without fear. I have found very few people appreciate this. I am not rude or hurtful, but supportive. I often find myself channeling when I speak and giving people solutions to their problems. I have lost all my friends and have one person who calls me every time she is in crisis requesting advise. I will continue with honesty because I value it, but it can be a lonely existence. I have my husband and children and have lost relationships with extended family. I know these people are not the best for me and I have let them go, but my husband lost his whole family. The only miracle I have experienced is my channeling ability is steadily growing. I am very thankful for this and will continue to honor my guides and those of others. I just find it very sad that people would rather live in the dark and hide from the truth. If I only turn one person’s light on, it will all be worth it. Thank you for the encouragement!
i
Thank you – Its so important to be able to speak what you feel with meticulous words…I too was raised to be seen and not heard. When I gained the courage to say what I felt and live from truth my life took on a whole new meaning. I raised my children to speak their truth…LOL…and there are many times when I go…now why the heck did I do that…love to all xo
I am still learning this on a deeper level as I come into my own authentic peace. Most of the time I just don’t trust my perception of reality within certain relationships and/or experiences. I question if what I am feeling is not because I’m ‘seeing’ the experience in a historical manner or is the experience exactly what I am ‘seeing’. Any insight from the tribe is greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance! Loves!!
Eira
Dear Colette,
It’s not incidental, that I met your writings today. I felt so frustrated of my husband’s behaviour. Of course I love him, we’ve been together for almost 30 years, and still believe in miracles… He drinks every day, and this is so hard to manage, since there is no normal communication between us, only in the mornings, before he goes to work. I talk to him, but he “escapes” always, saying it’s time to go to work – which seems a good excuse instead of facing things honestly, and getting them go better ! 🙁 In the evenings, when he comes home, his first step is drinking. No talk. When I talk to him, I do it in a non-violent manner, I am not looking at him as to an alkoholic, or a bad person, but the man I love. I can’t say it’s easy to wave from my ego, but I try to be aware of what I say. I feel exhausted, when I get no answer.
I know I cannot change the way he acts, only him can do that. I studied psychology, because I was willing to understand, accept and help him. Still at this point I don’t see a way out… His parents died two years ago, and he cannot accept the fact, that they are not alive, so he drinks more and more. I don’t want to feel or live as a victim, but it hurts me, and I expend a lot of energy in transforming my ego-states to be an acceptor.
We have a dear son and daughter-in-law and an adorable 6 month old granddaughter, and I would like to have my family together. I tryed all the possible things to make him understand, that it’s painy to live like this, and worthless. His unswer is: “I hate my life, I really don’t wanna live anymore”. But this is not true, only he doesn’t want to feel responsible for his moods. Now I feel in big trouble, my intuition says not to divorce, but I don’t know how, because I am not able any more to accept the fact that beside we “live” together, there is no other “glue” to keep us united, but the children, and our past life. It’s hellish… He refuses the dialogue, so I tryed to “communicate” with him in my meditative moments as well, in alpha, I’ve been so patient for years, still no answer. He is closed. What should I do to help him open again, and be himself?
I watch our life as the whole, and underline the good things. Since this negatives have been happening in our marriage (it makes 15 years), I write and paint a lot. Which is great, it helps me to live out my feelings. Yet I am blocked, and wondering what I miss or do wrong even if I have the courage to always tell the truth about what I feel, and keeping a non-judging attitude towars him?!
I’m waiting for your answer, and feel honoured of your help!
Love,
Leda
P.S. My English may be not quite proper, but hopefully understandable for you. Thank you so much, in advance!