So we are officially “done” with our two eclipses, and now we unravel the lessons.
Yesterday was wild. Did you see it?
I am right close to where the eclipse path crossed, and it was amazing to see the sky become so obviously different. I have never experienced that before, so it really made me think about the portal that was opened on March 25th when we had the Full Moon Eclipse in Libra, culminating with this juicy New Moon and Total Solar Eclipse in Aries.
It’s known that animals act in unusual ways during an eclipse. For 2 days coming up to the Full Moon Eclipse, my dogs were acting clingy and funny, and literally all 3 followed me everywhere, even when I had to get out of bed to roll on my scooter to the toilet! They were not leaving me out of their sight. They barked at every little sound and stared at me for hours.
Just as animals respond uniquely to these occurrences, we too find ourselves drawn into a deeper introspection, prompted by the cosmic energies at play. Did you know that spiders have been observed to do something weird during a solar eclipse too? They tear down their webs, and as soon as the eclipse passes, they make new ones! (more on this later) I thought that was very cool.
Anyway, I took the first invitation seriously and said, “Yes, show me what I need to release!” I mentioned it briefly last week in my blog with a little too much sizzle and not enough steak (or tofu).
OH OH! Be careful what you pray for.
Not sure about you, but the first one kicked my butt. The invitation on March 25th was to address all your past relationship issues, dysfunctional power dynamics, find them, face them, and finally let them go. In theory, it sounds like work but doable. I know myself well!
I was still stuck in bed, so given I was in no place to escape any of it. I decided to go deep into my psyche’s musty basement to finally get to all that hidden baggage. After all, I said I would, but it was last week when the retrograde kicked in that it all came to me.
So, as we moved forward to get the show on the road and help me zero in on what needed to be addressed, I chose a card from my new oracle deck, Guides of the Hidden Realms.
The Consequence of Fear. These cards!! 
When I painted that card, the being that came to me was so kind, compassionate, and loving, yet behind barbed wire. If you look closely, you will see, as well as the eyes peering out from other places.
What occurred to me immediately is that all of it began years ago, and then just became automatic. I saw how skilled I became at learning how to avoid confrontation at all costs, finding ways to escape because I was unable to protect myself and choose healthy boundaries, allowing for enmeshed codependent relationships that echoed my deepest family wounds. I gave away my power so easily, trying to stay safe, loved, and safe (repeated on purpose here).
Oh, the consequence of fear.
All that old stuff you thought you’d handled, revisited again.
Maybe you can relate.
Diving in further, I found boxes of dusty old resentments, memories of relationships gone by with friends and foes (that started as friends) became clear as I chose to see where I was accountable.
All of it from fear, and all of it because I didn’t say no when I sensed the danger I was so attracted to engage with. I wrote so much in my journal. The more I wrote, the better I felt because I wasn’t blaming anyone, even me.
I’d never choose any of this. I just learned some sticky survival tactics that created a lot of unhealthy dynamics.
I’ve done so much work around this already but this time I went deeper. Guess it never ends this journey of peeling away those skins of the past. My ancestral patterns are what they are. It was time to get honest and let the past go.
I asked how I feel when I think of this person.
Why do I feel irrational fear?
How do I really want to feel?
What do I genuinely want to choose?
I have a small yet mighty group of amazing friends today where there is generosity, tenderness, grace, mutual respect, inspiration, and reciprocity. And many of my friendships that began years ago have either evolved in a healthy way, stopped growing altogether and festered, or ended as some must.
I think many relationships are meant to have expiry dates. Like mutual travelers for only part of the journey. It doesn’t make anyone wrong; we just grow and need different things. I have beautiful memories from days gone by, but not everyone gets to come the whole way.
The more you commit to your personal growth and transformation, the likelihood that not everyone is going to be thrilled with how you reinvent yourself. Your authentic self might not be in alignment with someone else’s wants. Does that make sense to you?
I consider how we all teach each other how to be with each other. Codependency always begins with an uneven power dynamic; it’s an exhausting dance that prevents growth and breeds disappointment and resentment, keeping one or both circling and circling hoping their needs get met but always ending up empty. Neither person grows. Both people suffer, and some call that love. But it’s not. And it makes for a great way to avoid intimacy.
Anyway, I had an opportunity to make some new choices, and it felt like I finally got it.
Not to say I seek perfection in my relationships, but the more honest you get with yourself and others, the less you will dance with any more of this kind of pain. NO is no, and yes will be yes, and you will know what you mean and those fearful consequences hiding under the bed will not even be an issue.
Liberation was the gift of the first eclipse.
This one in Aries, well it’s still too early to tell how I manage personally but I know how I want to be in the world, how I want to use my life force in service to others without draining myself. I know this energy must be measured and mindful. I finally know my batteries are not infinitely charged.
I am also hopeful for humanity. We always get another chance.
Like the spider who dismantles its beautiful web and begins a new pattern when the eclipse has passed, we get to make new patterns, too. It’s in our spiritual nature to do this.
Admittedly our human nature can be self-seeking, cruel, divisive, and bitter, for that all comes as a consequence of our fear, but that’s not the one that wins in the end.
We will always go back to Source and that is Love.
This is such a powerful time for all of us. But not so fast!
We are still in Mercury Retrograde too (forgot about that did you?!) So although this New Moon / total solar eclipse marks the potential for astounding new beginnings and potentials, and healing at a deep level, we are meant to be planning our actions, not pushing forward with force. Yes, it can feel a bit like being a racehorse at the gate who keeps being told
Regardless of our personal actions, we are all going through a radical and rapid transformation, an internal revolutionary shift that is also happening on a huge evolutionary scale. It’s smart to get comfortable with the unknown, finding a way to walk that tightrope, trusting we won’t fall.
So here we are post-eclipse.
Who do you want to become if you finally choose truly and take action towards what really means something to you?
What would be your focus?
It reminds me of the famous prompt by mythologist Joseph Campbell…We take ONE step towards the gods, they take 10 steps towards us, and the dance begins.
We just need to take that first step toward Love, in spite of our fear. That’s where the miracles live. Then we see the angels waiting to catch us.
Infinite Love and Gratitude always…
