How to Reconnect to Joy After Divorce!

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Updated: March 7, 2013

 

I recently received a message from a very sweet woman asking about how to reconnect with her joy.  With her permission I am posting her question and my answer in the hopes it will help others.

Dear Colette,

I am recently divorced after 22 years of marriage and although I feel like I have gone through every stage of the grieving process, I still cannot find happiness and joy in my life.  I don’t want to be a downer to my friends and yet I also don’t want my kids to feel like I am happier without their father.  I enjoy getting inspiration from your daily Oracle cards on Facebook so I am reaching out to you in the hopes you might have some suggestions on how I can “stay the course” and find my joy again.  Much respect, J.L.

 

Dear J.L.,

I am sending you a loving hug right now.  Transition and loss are a process and although I wouldn’t recommend rushing through the recovery, it sounds as though you have been working through your emotions.

First of all, don’t feel as though you are a downer to your friends if you have been able to connect and share on a level that not only helps you but allows those who love you to help you.  They probably appreciate being of service and feeling like they are helping in any way.  However, if you hear yourself retelling your story no matter what subject matter is being discussed, it’s time to look outside of yourself and engage on a more positive level.

As for your children, the best example you can show them is a loving, strong, imperfect and happy example of life.  Reconnecting to your joy will benefit all of you.  They will see there is life after a break up and that life is meant to be enjoyed, not in spite of but in combination with its challenges and lessons.

There’s a whole field of psychology called positive psychology that’s focused on helping people to identify what makes them feel happy and do whatever it is that leads them to happiness. For example, answer this question: What makes you feel energized and happy?

Indulge in a funny or romantic movie; watch videos of your favorite pop songs from your youth on social media; hang out on the porch with some old friends, laughing about the absurdities of life.

Play a game that makes you feel silly, like a kid. Spend some time around children who encourage you to lighten up and be goofy.

Be spontaneous and adventurous. If you always wanted to take a salsa dancing class, call a friend and ask him to join you, then laugh together if you find yourselves completely inept compared to the so-called beginners surrounding you.

Take up drawing, painting or gardening.  If you don’t know what activities make it easy for you to feel joyous, maybe you simply haven’t tried enough fun activities to find one that really brings out happiness in you. Try something new. Tag along with someone else to an activity they enjoy. If you don’t like it, congratulate yourself for stepping out, and keep looking for activities that make you happy.

People who are positive and who laugh a lot make it easier to connect you to your joy. Make a point of spending time with them. Your environment can make a difference, too. Spend time in a place that fills your senses with delight, whether it’s an art museum, a horticultural center, or a gorgeous room with a view of a lake or ocean. Paint the room where you spend the most time a color that invigorates or soothes you.

There are plenty of ways to start reconnecting with your joy and making it a new habit.  And who knows, you may even find a hidden passion that leads to your next big love – in all forms!

I look forward to hearing what new joyful things you try and what old ones you have allowed to resurface.

Love and blessings,
Colette Baron-Reid
Intuitive Counselor

P.S.  If you are struggling with an area of your life – relationship, weight, loss, etc. and I can help you, please reach out.  Don’t be afraid if you think it’s not important enough, you never know who else you may be helping simply by sharing your issue.  Send your question to [email protected].  I will respect your privacy.

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