Let Toxic Relationships Go For Good!

Updated: August 13, 2018

Have you ever severed a relationship, but even though the person was no longer in your life, you still continued the relationship in your head? Consider that the very act of keeping it alive even if only in your mind means you are still in it. Perhaps that happens when you feel a relationship is unrequited, and you’re not letting go, or you’re nursing a resentment because you won’t, or lack the self-awareness to see your part in the dynamic.

This is not about self-blame at all. It’s about self-accountability and freedom.

If someone is living rent-free in your head chances are you’re in a relationship that is still very active and alive for you because there is no closure and you’re the one keeping it alive. It’s almost never about the other person, by the time it’s “ended,” (you might have realized it wasn’t good for you) or “aborted” (because perhaps the other person didn’t return your love, etc.). There can be so many scenarios here if you think about it, but why does this happen? Why do we keep talking to the person we want nothing to do within our head? Why do we keep talking in our heads, trying to convince the person who doesn’t want us that we are the one for them?

It’s about how conditioned trauma still lives inside you, and likely has nothing to do with the actual person but what pattern got triggered. The original wounding is what is active, something that happened in the past unrelated to this experience, and keeping the internal relationship going is really about trying to fix the first wound that this one reminds you of.

Of course, that doesn’t work.

No amount of rumination and inner conversations and fantasy arguments will ever make you feel better or release you from how you identify with the core of the issue that eludes you. If you’ve ever had that kind of “put up your dukes, you hurt me and now you’re gonna pay” conversation in your head with somebody who isn’t there; you know what I mean.

It feels like you might have some power in the moment, but then it feels awful because nothing really gets solved and all you did was waste some precious energy on hopping on a train to the Ghostlands where nothing has substance, and you end up losing yours too. It’s even worse when you try to manipulate other people (you may be completely unconscious of this by the way) to join you in your victim story. But, truth is, it’s not hard to rally a mob. Lots of people are attracted to drama especially online.

The internet can also be a source to keep your toxic relationships alive. In the weirdest way, it mirrors the “ talking in your head” scenario as the cyber wall gives people the sense they can be anything and say anything they want and find themselves grasping to be heard in the most unhealthy ways. Of course, it can also be used for much good but that’s not the subject for this blog.

I heard a great interview with Billy Corgan – frontman for the band Smashing Pumpkins who talked about digital outrage and its short lifespan. Like a new drug – you get high then bam the comedown feels like you just wallowed in a mudbath and can’t find a shower. Like moths to a flame, people can gather around – it’s weird how it’s become a form of entertainment- taking people down for sport. But at some point, the crowd will move away, and you will be left with your distorted story, and they are on to some other distraction.
Keep in mind how others can make you a part of their sticky mess. Don’t get caught up with emotional vampires. As Dr. Christiane Northrup reveals in her latest book Dodging Energy Vampires, the drama makers feel so good, and you end up exhausted, depleted, and confused.

I cringe at some of my own memories of whining my face off to my friends and inside my head about each guy that was supposed to be “The One” and each person who I put on a pedestal and who let me down because of my unmet expectations, projections, and low self-worth.

Thank goodness there was no internet back then for me to blather on about my woes, although I look back with some EEEK feelings when I think of how many phone calls I made to anyone who would listen. Thankfully I just hauled my butt to therapy, got sober, and began to work with Oracles to keep me from making the same mistakes over and over expecting a different result. I made lots of embarrassing phone call for amends when I got sober (now almost 33 years!)

I have been there, and still can get into that mindset, but thankfully I don’t stay there long at all because I have tools and a mature life to model it all and know that it’s my responsibility not to take the bait.

So isn’t it better to cut it off before you go down the toxic rabbit hole?

When I first went into therapy in my 20s, I had this amazing Jungian psychotherapist who used the Tarot as a way to show me my patterns. It’s probably why all the Oracle Cards I create have that deeper psychology woven into them. It really changed my life.

Over time, and in the 30 years I have worked full time in the intuitive arts and made it my commitment to educate myself as much as I could about how the mind works as well as the metaphysical aspects of the quantum world. I arrived at some simple techniques to unhook from a toxic relationship that didn’t necessarily include deep therapeutic dialogue.

If you’re reading this chances are you are already doing a lot of personal and spiritual growth work already, or you’re considering it. Why do I assume that? I’m not popular with the quick fix it, perfect life in a snap, wiggle your nose and get what you want audience. A good life to me means self-examination and awareness plus accountability, and this is what can help dreams become reality. It takes dedication and consistency to live well.

So if you get caught in the toxic relationship snare whether it be about a person, drama on the internet, an institution, etc. Here are some tips I know work.

Step One – Radical acceptance. Admit you cannot change the other person or situation by any means. Know that whatever is happening requires you to step back and ask these questions.:-
What does this remind me of?
How am I enabling it?
What is my part in it?
Am I now or “somewhen” else?

Step Two- Surrender the whole shebang to your Higher Power
You’re likely not doing the best job here so perhaps a power greater than you could restore you to sanity?
If you feel resistance to giving it up for healing can you commit to being willing to be willing?
What is your motive to keep it going?

Step Three- Do a cord cutting ceremony. Imagine you have energy strands moving between you and the other. Call on the archangel Michael to bring his sword to cut them. You will feel relief but only if you’re serious about detaching from it.

Step Four- Do an Oracle reading on it once you’ve had some distance. But if you want to do the reading right away make sure you meditate first and get into a neutral state. I teach this technique in Oracle School and it’s incredibly effective. Then stay in 24 hours and when those red flags start flapping that a situation reminds you of something still unprocessed within you. Stop. Take a Breath. Ask is this truly about now or something else?

I think of a reading a couple of years ago with a friend who called me in a semi-freaked out state about her boss at work (telling this with her permission). She had trouble with this man before and had mentioned the relationship reminded her of her toxic relationship with the first person who ever betrayed her and abused her.

She admitted she was always trying to get his attention all the time and desperate for his approval and flirted with him constantly. The truth was the dynamic she was engaged in was really unhealthy for both of them. He did not give her a raise which she thought she was entitled to and so she went off the rails. He did say he was sorry and that he would reassess things in 6 months.
From my side of things, it was nowhere near dramatic as she projected, but in her mind this was Armageddon!
So I said let’s pull some cards. You really can’t make this up- I picked All that Glitters, Not For You, and Time To Go from Wisdom of the Oracle.
IN a nutshell – the message was to move beyond the superficial and look deeper at what was really going on, that this situation was being withheld from her because it was not for her, and it was time to move on. To add extra wisdom from another deck, we chose The Enchanted Map and got Ghostlands.
She mentioned at the end she was headhunted by another company but because she was so outraged by what “he did” she didn’t pay much attention. O boy, isn’t it amazing how we might miss opportunities because we’re banging on old doors that aren’t meant to open?

Being her friend I asked her the questions above, and having good boundaries I stayed detached and refused to get into the “he said she said.” I told her to consider she was not dealing with the “now” but stuck in the Ghostlands of that first relationship.
She had an epiphany right there and then!
A month later my friend had taken the other job and totally got the cards were telling her this was about her choice and behavior too, and that she can not heal the first one through forcing someone else to be the surrogate.
I saw her for coffee a couple weeks ago and we actually laughed about what she had thought was so traumatizing. But this woman is committed to personal growth and freedom and her self-awareness is what allowed this to be her new perspective.

So when you find yourself in a toxic relationship, however you choose to disconnect from it know that the ones you keep perpetuating are not that difficult to clear.
It comes down to how healthy and free you really want to be and feel.
Believe it or not, it takes real courage to choose that.

Love to hear from you about how you woke up from a toxic situation and found your way out of it.


Anything is possible when you open your connection to the Universe




Showing 54 comments
  • Elisa

    Thank you and sigh I just HAD to ask for willingness to be willing only one day ago and BAM here it is.

  • Anonymous

    This was aimed directly at me! I’ve been ruminating on this very thing. I’ve worked 20 years in therapy to overcome abuse, post traumatic stress, etc. Lots of things happened in the past 2 years that have expedited the process and one morning, I literally woke up and all the symptoms were gone. But, my brain hasn’t quite caught on and I’ve been in a “head space” relationship with my 2 sisters. We had a permanent rift when my parents died in 2016. A rift that has been a long time coming. But, I keep trying to defend and justify myself in my imaginary conversations. I know – it’s futile but brain or ego keeps chewing on it.Thanks for the tips!

  • Docsgirl

    Oh my goodness! I have been working with my Angels on letting go of a VERY toxic relationship and asking them to assist me with this by helping me to heal myself and to help me let go. They have told me time and again, that if I choose this person, I will be settling. They refer to him as “my mountain.” They have said they have someone who will love me more than I could ever imagine possible, if I choose to let go. The need to hang on comes from unhealed childhood trauma with my mother, and how she always made me feel like I was never good enough. She told me many, many tines that I was wanted and she tried to abort me. Who says that to their child? I thought I had acknowledged this trauma and healed my inner child. I see that it isn’t as healed as I thought it was. So my Angels directed me to your blog today, because I needed to hear it. Thank you, Colette! Love and light to you!💖💖

  • Elizabeth

    Good advice here. I saw myself in the “put up your Dukes!” oh boy, yes!
    About step number 3: I read an interesting take on this by Tina Zion ( in Advanced Medical Intuition) Tina always says -Don’t cut cords! Using the analogy of a garden hose, if you cut it in the middle, you are left with one end dangling, the other person is left with their half and the energy is still hanging there still attached to both of you. Short version – PULL it out of yourself completely, give it back, throw it away. Seal the whole it left. This made sense to me, although I’m an old school, I actually braid strings with what I want to release, burn the braid and bury it sort of girl. Food for thought.

  • Margarete

    Awesome thank you! Needed this and it gave me clarity! Namaste

  • Eileen

    I am so grateful to read this article, because it’s exactly what I’m going through, and have been desperately praying to God to help set my mind straight again! I am going to practice the advice you give here, and believe that it will help me. I know this anger is hurting me more than anyone else, and I genuinely want to be at peace in my mind and in my heart.

  • catherine

    Oh good one. Well this latest episode with a supposed partner is dragging on – not because I don’t want to let go but because it is beyond toxic now. Huge abuse…i stood up and wouldn’t back down…long story short. I was packing to leave and had to go on a business trip…I got home to find all my things packed and unpacked in two rooms downstairs, another womans underwear , toiletries and clothes in my closet and drawers…a protection order in play to get me out so he could put in the new girlfriend and attempt to defraud me from investment and revenue. abuse for profit I call it. and now he is attempting some extortion to get my belongings back..and I have all universal energies at play to release. get my things and money back…and never look back. sometimes no matter how you attempt to resolve amiacably…the other party doesn’t want to let go. but it will resolve sometime soon…once I have my money I won’t give this predator another thought.

  • Susan Embry

    This blog post is an amazing “aha” for me today. So timely. I opened myself into a toxic relationship again, stayed in my truth, and got smacked with the reality of manipulation and anger at not taking care of the other person. I could feel my creativity slip into the tank, and I was overwhelmed. I read this article and listened to the messages in the cards. Perfect synchronicity. I feel blessed by the message from the universe. Yep, that’s how it all works. Thank you. 🙂

  • Bonita D Kent

    Thank you for your lovely article. I have a real issue with men “ghosting ” me. It is cowardly and unfair to anybody who has had this happen. I knew a man i had met on a psychic site for two years. I read for him on a different site and that led to conversation of a different sort. Just shy of the two year date, he confessed that he was falling in love with me. He said he could not stop the words falling from his moth, although he tried. It should have been scary, but felt to right and so natural. We talked for hours and he always said it felt like only minutes. We are on the same level, mentally and physically, and both have similar senses of humor. We make each other laugh and we just get each other. It was romantic but oddly comfortable. He knew about my sensitivity to ghosting and promised never to do that. We had a major disagreement based on reminders of previous lovers (and with a little help from our “friends”) He did tell me he was out the door and I respect that. He unfriended me. Although he ignored any of my messages and calls, He did accept my friend request. Out of the blue, he called me and although he had said he would not apologize because he had done nothing wrong, he did apologize for hurting me, swore his undying love and asked us to move past this. Then he disappeared again. He finally let me see that he read my messages, and has made comments on my FB wall. I hate giving up on people because I know how it feels and I worry about him being alone and lonely. Tarot, psychic and pendulum readings have told me this man is still in love with me and I know that, I can feel it. But I had a conversation in my dreams with a male figure ( I am not sure who) who chided me for getting excited when this man I love graces me with 30 seconds of his time. I had gotten a card for this man and made him a gift. The male in my dreams advised me to send it all but to set a dead line in my head. The dead line is August 27, 2018. There is a conflict for me because I set intentions and manifested and this seems like not believing in the Universe. However, when I thought on that, I heard a phrase. I want the cake Marc, not the crumbs. I won’t “ghost” him so I have written a short note, in the event, he does not do the right thing. I thank whomever came to me in my dreams. He brought logic and clarity.

  • Kathryn

    I enjoyed your article today & laying out your heart. I see the reflection in myself & others near & dear to me. The card reading was clear throughout. Even with my 3 picks it was all about Trust. Trust in my intuition, trust that all the efforts I have put in are coming to fruition & trust in the balance of give & take. The more I use the cards on a daily basis the more accurate they seem to be. Can you ask many questions that come up during the day?
    Thank you!!!

  • Joanne Boulter

    Hi Colette, I think that this was written just for me today for I am going through an similar experience. I have pulled cards and was told to do nothing and just walk away. I love the idea about the cord cutting ceremony and will do that next. Thank you for my answer to prayer.
    xx Jo

  • Tammie Kruse

    Great article lots to really consider and review about my life decisions also. TY

  • Sharon. Hiebert

    Hey Colette!
    I love, love, love this blog. And, I’m old enough to say that I’ve had to “see off” a few toxic relationships over my lifetime – family, personal and professional. As the saying goes, “the hardest part about going for a walk is sitting down to tie your shoe laces.” Once we’ve taken that first step out the door to our freedom-walk, we are on our way. Sure, we might stumble on the uneven sidewalk of life or trip over a twig on the trail but that is nothing to fear. The key is in loving yourself enough to get up, dust off and put one foot in front of the other trusting that The Universe will show the way to your next destination. The Universe has never let me down – even when it appeared I’d taken a wrong turn. BELIEVING in the guidance and protection of a higher power and taking the next step even when I forgot to believe in myself has always taken me where I needed to be. Each one of us has the ability to tie our own shoes, take the first step out the door and have trust that we will receive the guidance we need from the yet unknown markers along the path. xoxo

  • Samantha Fe

    Thank you for this post! It is so perfectly timed for me as I’m recognizing the person I am having a relationship with in my mind is a representation of my former addictions that I am still unconsciously holding onto.

    I know he is a soulmate of mine because he has been the Catalyst for extraordinary change in my life. I am truly grateful for him and my guides to bring him into my life to show me these mirrors.

    I actually have a meditation recorded for my students about cutting chords and I am going to go back to listen to it now. So powerful!

  • Denise

    Love this Colette. Very helpful inquiry and a lot less painful and easier than self inflicted dramas to end a situation or relationship that doesn’t work. Your card “Round and Round’ came up for me this morning – It’s a work in progress for me :-).

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Collette. Another amazing eye opener, I followed the steps as I have in the past and for the final time, I let go. Bless you


  • Karmin

    Hi Colette,
    Thank you for this! The timing is perfect. I had so much going on in my head that I finally asked for some help from my guides and angels last night
    I also just got my Wisdom of the Oracle deck, and am looking forward to immersing myself in it.
    Thank you for everything that you do for us.

  • Maralee Burnett

    So timely of course! Love your cards and I use them everyday with my Facebook followers. 🙂

    The ‘fake’ arguing in the head, the rehashing the past, this is where I struggle. So I have found myself saying, this argument is not real or, I no longer choose to argue with you. This helps me stop the run-on useless dialogue so I can shift my energy quicker. Toxic relationships are like addictions, challenging to stop. Hmm maybe we need a 12 step program for this?? The lure of getting the love you want from the person who never gave it to you. So powerful, yet it isn’t real. And the key is to acknowledge that as step 1 I think. Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

  • Claudia

    A wonderful and enlightening article.
    Thank you so much.

  • Tammy Miller

    I have this relationship that I do not believe is toxic. I love this man very much. I have for 24 years. I believe because we are 8 hours away from one another that is what the overall problem is. I have a physical disability which required me to move that far away to receive the services I need. It varies from state to state. One state may not allow for certain things that a person may need. While another state may- depending on their budget. I’m sure you get this scenario. I’ve used the Oracle cards consistently regarding this particular situation. At first I received many mixed messages, but as of late there is much more clarity and hope for things to work out for both parties. It appears that there will be peace for the both of us.

  • Anonymous

    Wow. I just got back from the wonderful Oracle Palooza! and am ready to head into to deeper territory in Dream Quest..because I so need it for this very reason..no matter all the work I have done there is this pattern I create over and over, not with men anymore but with as I found out “surrogates” who I think are surrogate mothers to me. I know they keep reappearing for a reason and I used to rebel and get in their face like a banshee! Now I just cry. This article actually makes me feel peaceful not afraid.

  • Sage

    This was surprising! Lately I pull a card every day while asking the question, “What do I need to know today?” Oddly enough I pulled the soulmates card set in protection. There is a man I’ve been on and off again for years. I know he isn’t good for me. I know I don’t want him around, but he live sin my head all the time. I think today I need to focus on how to get him out of there! This blog with the card I pulled from your Wisdom Of The Oracle deck was such a strange coincidence I had to comment!

  • Tammy

    What if the toxic relationship is your birth family?

  • Joseph D Romero

    Thanks Colette,
    I had a relationship end and not of my choice. No hardships but like your story my mind wouldn’t let it go. The Oracle cards kept coming up in protection and telling me this relationship wasn’t good for me. I only pull one card, but it tells me the truth. Now I just have to let love from the Spirit soak in.
    Love your wisdom, Joe

  • Cheree

    Love this, thanks Collette, came along just at the perfect time, it’s something I have been struggling with for 12 Months.
    Now the work begins

  • Justine

    Good morning from New Zealand. I have just read your blog. I am working on my own growth & happiness & finding a new path after my marriage of 23 years ended, following trauma & grief over family deaths. I needed to read your blog, so as to free my head; I’m cutting ties & walking free. Thanks so much Jx 💫💛

  • Aletha

    Collette, I love your practical real life take on everything you put out. I feel so blessed to have “stumbled” upon you. Though I no longer believe that was by chance. I just left a toxic relationship of nearly 6 years. During this relationship I had a spiritual awakening. Having been raised a Jehovah’s Witness I had some pretty messed up beliefs that kept me mentally and emotionally imprisoned my entire life. I’m happy to say that in the last 6 months I have had a complete shift in consciousness. I have grown and changed in ways I never thought possible, yet I knew that the toxic relationship I was in was limiting my potential and would not allow me to fully explore my new found spiritually. Basically, he thinks I went off the deep end. I’m okay with that now because his doubt in me and criticism no longer bind me. I can honestly say I love myself again. I haven’t felt that in years.

    Just yesterday I picked up my last load of stuff from his house. I had bought a fifth wheel and moved on to a beautiful piece of property in the woods…out in nature where the stars amaze me every night and it is so peaceful.

    A couple of nights ago, I pulled out my Wisdom of the Oracle deck. (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!) My question was, What is the most important lesson for me to take away today for my highest good? As I shuffled, a card literally jumped out of my hands. I felt its significance before I even turned it over. What could it be? No Place Like Home. Happy tears poured down my face. Earlier that day I had a Moment of clarity and realized that I finally found MY home… and felt AT home for the first time in a very long time.

    Your message today was so timely… as it so often seems to be. Just what I needed, at just the right time…

    With much love and appreciation, Aletha

  • Anonymous

    Great article!!!

  • Susan

    I was struggling with my ex husband who is a raging narcissist.
    He wouldn’t pay child support, played all kinds of games in child sharing, always trying to derail my life and be in my business. Zero boundaries.
    After years of this, in desperation I cried out to the Universe. I need help I said. Almost immediately, the answer came. Stop needing anything from him. But, but, but says my ego. Once I accepted that radical stance, EVERYTHING got better and he is no longer intruding in my life. Just like that. 😍 I am so glad I listened to God’s message to me. It’s true— ask and ye shall receive.

  • Bridget Victor

    Thank you for this blog! It is possible that many persons are feeling this way but disguising the relationship by wrapping it up in a nice package and calling it a Twim Flame relationship. I completely believe in accountability and pray more people become accountable as well. Its hard work but is well worth it in the end. It took me about 30 years to figure things out.

  • Jackie

    Hi Colette, this is a very familiar story to me and now that I have done some self evaluation. I was in a very toxic relationship with someone and I allowed it to happen. It took me a long long time to realize that I’m worth more than what he was willing to give and it ended up that there was more to the story and he was telling me. So long story short I can relate to your story so well and I’m not sure why it was so devastating to me. I’m still trying to figure out reasons for certain relationships in my life. Thank you so much for sharing that story! It seemed to come just at the right time.

  • Margaret

    I can’t believe how relevant your blog is for me right now. Thank you.


    Thankyou. So timely.

  • Anonymous

    This was a brilliant read
    Gave me more perspective on a work situation, I had been in observer mode with but hadn’t thought to do a cord cutting exercise
    To assist, I was enabling by the round and round thoughts in my head,just as you said.
    Perfect timing as always
    Thank you Colette
    My Magical shape shifter today!!!😁🤗💖🦉🌟

  • Rose Romani

    This was a brilliant read
    Gave me more perspective on a work situation, I had been in observer mode with but hadn’t thought to do a cord cutting exercise
    To assist, I was enabling by the round and round thoughts in my head,just as you said.
    Perfect timing as always
    Thank you Colette
    My Magical shape shifter today!!!😁🤗💖🦉🌟

  • Kerry hall

    So very helpful thanks a million
    Kerry … Perth Western Australia

  • Donna Romero

    There is a tv movie that comes on now and then. it is about a mom, whereas part of her home burned down. Everyone has told her that her baby died in the fire and she needs to get over it. For years, she knew she would see her daughter and it ruined friendships and her marriage. Long story short when her baby was about four years old she found her. The point of the entire movie was the fact that she never stopped believing that her daughter was alive. While I agree with all that you say. If one has lost the love of their life and they refuse to lose hope who is to say that one day they may get back together. In any rate, the hope remains forever.

  • Rani

    Last week’s cards were interesting but this week is even more poignant! For myself I drew three protection cards which seem to really relate to a meeting I had yesterday! Message in a bottle/Fork in the road and between worlds! All relate to choices I made regarding a project that was not wholly what I envisioned and which went OK but not as well as planned! Learning curve regarding choices for sure! Another suggestion was made for a future project which did not sit well with me – learning curve here? Yes – what difference do we discover when the choice is our free choice, or is a suggestion of someone else? In terms of my own projects this is an open ended question! To be continued…

  • Ceri

    Thank you Colette, I found this a very powerful read. It has highlighted for me that although I have moved on physically from a previous relationship; mentally there is some residue left. It also highlights for me that the mental dialogues that I am having do mirror those that I wished I could have said to my Father before he passed.

    Thank you so much, and many blessings x

  • Margaret Controne

    This really helped me in the most opportune time. As i am leaving a toxic relationship and couldnt figure out why i kept thinking about this person so much. I felt already detached but the resentments of how i was treated kept it alive. I then read this, thank you Colette and the universe, for sending it to me now because i realized how I was treated as a child by my parents, who werent horrible just didnt seem to care much, that this person triggered those feelings that i never come to address i just buried them. As i prepared to leave i pulled a card from the mystical shaman deck and got vision quest upside down. And low and behold as soon as I had quiet time the answer appeared in the form of this blog. So i just wanted to share how the answers we seek are there we just have to pay attention and be hinest with oursleves. It really isnt ever about the other person its how we respond.

  • Amy

    Hi Colette. Here’s how I realized why I attract energy vampires. I recently started working with my astrology natal chart, and through analyzing it I discovered a pattern of selflessness. Now in my chart report it says this selflessness is a “rare gift” and I agree with that to a point. That’s the upside. But the downside is I allow unbalanced relationships into my life and they stay too long. Specifically with female ‘friends’ who I eventually have to cast out of my life because they take advantage of my patience and kindness. It’s disappointing every time. But, at least I know why now. I do continue leftover conversations and resentment from these experiences in my head. Thanks for making me aware of this. I’ll use my Oracle & Tarot cards to gain clarity on a strategy to stop the leftover chatter in my mind after a toxic relationship ends. I’m grateful for your guidance!

  • Renee Sugar

    Here is a horoscope written today for Leo. I laughed when I read this. ” You have a habit of sometimes being overly content, while everyone else gets tense, grumpy or difficult. In fact, someone might be irritated by your continually upbeat attitude, as he/she simply cannot relate. Be supportive.”

    Truth be told, I used to be tense, grumpy, critical and unhappy as I continued to focus on what I didn’t like in others behavior. My discontented energy spilled onto others, and as a result, my colleagues stayed far away from me.
    The woman whose company I worked for never expressed her appreciation for anything, and was always dissatisfied with the current sales figures no matter how good they were. It was never enough. She was never grateful. We (team) became resentful, as a result, and felt overextended and undervalued. Certainly a formula for not building harmony within the workplace. Also an example of how we model the behavior of our peers, so we will be accepted, or liked, or will belong. I resisted, reacted, and resented instead. It didn’t contribute to make my days very uplifting.

    The happy ending here is currently I work with an emerging entrepreneur who has never had her own business before. It is an ongoing process of growth, mutual support and most definitely includes gratitude, and appreciation for my contribution. There is no commission in this role, but as there are only two of us, we rely on each other, and are constantly learning, making mistakes, and having our share of success too. A humble beginning starting over, after this 11 1/2 year story ended in the previous company closing their business. I have learned so much since then. Mostly about how I am treating myself and others along the way. Focusing on the upside, and celebrating the good fortune, and working at creating an upbeat, positive, mindset that attracts rather than repels people. It has made a huge impact on the quality of my work life, and in the process is establishing a new work ethic that shares and circulates many blessings. “Let it begin with me.”

  • Cherri Rowell

    I am always inspired and uplifted by your readings, they give me motivation and direction in my sometimes chaotic but “BLESSED” life. I am grateful for your generosity in sharing your gift with others, You are a beautiful bright light for those of us who need it. Blessed Be

  • Sophie Eldridge

    Thank you Colette
    Spot on for me too.

  • Gayle Lee

    Wow! I really felt that you were talking to me in that reading Colette. Thank you so much for the reading. My other three cards were: Come to the Edge, upright; The Tribe, protection; and Observer, protection. Putting it all together is a little confusing for me. I will sleep on it and see what comes. Any insights are encouraged and so appreciated. Much love for all that you do and all the time you put in for us. Sparkly rainbow blessings, Gayle xx

  • Dee

    This came at just the right time! I have been having conversations with my ex in my head for the past several years and it is time I move on.

  • Dee Ann

    Needed to hear this

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for this. Sometimes I feel my higher self steps in & takes over even when my ego/fearful self is sooo not ready. On the day of the last August eclipse, my higher self would not put up with the emotional abuse from my mother any longer. I was stunned by my assertiveness & truth, unburdened like never before, filled with unbelievable grief, awash with peace from surrender & acceptance all at once. Been round & round with this for 27 years. I am seeing that beyond this toxic relationship, my true talents have been hiding. When I let go of my part in it, I can see my inner treasures becon & a new beginning waiting that has been in the making for the past decade or so. Your post is helping me – a light to guide me on the next step. Thank you for listening to your inner light so we can listen to ours!

  • Bettymay

    I just have to say, (I’ve been thinking it since I saw last week’s cards and blog,) I’ve never seen you more beautiful. You shine, soft and sharp. I’m artistic and a sensitive. I notice things like this.

  • Diane K.

    Thank you, thank you Colette for making the weekend completely awesome. I’m still processing it and know I’ve grown in many ways. The Spirit Animal cards are so beautiful and right on.

  • Theresa Glover

    I know it has been awhile since this blog post, but I still wanted to comment. When I was 19 I met the person I consider to be the love of my life. We were young, and he was as wild as I was innocent. The relationship was short-lived, but he has lived in my heart and mind for 27 years now. Although we kept in touch for awhile after that initial break up, we ended up moving on, getting married to other people, having children, and getting divorced. Through the magic of social media (lol), we reunited nine years ago and had a two year relationship before I ended it because we were not at the same place in our lives. He is very free spirited and enjoys his social life, and at that time, I had two young children and a very demanding job so I could not participate in the lifestyle he wanted. I would have loved that lifestyle too, but my children came first no matter how much I loved him. Still we kept in touch and would see each other every once in awhile. Along the way, I moved 12 hours away for other reasons. It happened to be to the same state where his mother lived (she was in another city 5 hours from me though). Several months after I moved, he ended up moving to the city where his mom was so we reconnected again. Unfortunately, the father of my kids had a meltdown, and I had to return to my home state. That was four years ago this month, and a lot has transpired. He and I have seen each other a couple of times and kept in touch a little bit. I have kinda dated other people but nothing serious. He has not been in a relationship in over four years. I recently went no contact because it hurts me to not be able to be with him 100%, but he is (and has always been) very closed off about his emotions. He was hurt very badly by his ex wife and an ex girlfriend he had before we reunited so he does not allow himself to get overly close to anyone. We are both super sensitive Pisces. I have asked him to give me closure, but he won’t. He will never tell me that he does not care or that he does not want me in his life, nor will he tell me that he loves me. I need him to tell me that he does not want me in order to move on. Even if my brain tells me to let go, I can’t find it in my heart to do so. Anyway, after reading your blog, I tried to figure out what old issue could be preventing me from letting go, but I could not come up with one so I pulled a card. The card was “Unfinished Symphony”. Now I really don’t know how to move on.

  • Anonymous

    This blog is very insightful and helpful, thank you Colette X

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