Change is sometimes uncomfortable, weird, gawky, and stumbling. It’s a messy thing…and just when you feel you’ve got this life dance thing down, the beat changes as soon as you think you know the steps, then you start to get dizzy and you have to sit down! Next, you discover you were actually playing musical chairs!
Yeah… I know, you thought your guardian angel was in charge of all that. Oh.. wait now we’re doing the cha cha cha?! I obviously didn’t bring the right shoes!
Why is it that we think change and transformation have to be graceful and sparkly and shiny and liberating as soon as we consider it? Why is it that when change happens, we recoil in fear and anger and then expect some magic being to fix it (like now please!) when a little time is what we actually need to adjust?
“But I’m spiritual I know these things.. all is well right? The Law of Abundance states… blablablabla… so why don’t I feel good, surrendered, happy, wise, serene, grateful all the time?”
Seriously evolving out loud is part Presence and Wisdom, part Ridiculous, part Graceful, and mostly chasing it all around like trying to catch fireflies in a jar.
Is it because when we wake up and ignite our inner Light we think enlightenment means we will all of a sudden become creatures of never-ending joy and awareness? Is it because we think opening up to the deeper layers of Consciousness gives us an intuition that will guarantee that we will know how to avoid all obstacles, and pain and slide over our fear and loss like Elsa in Frozen singing Let it Go? (gosh I can’t stand that song).
When transformation happens it’s more likely you’ll stumble, wonder where your friends went, question why people aren’t thrilled you’ve found your spiritual path, reconsider your job, your purpose and find yourself temporarily lost between worlds.
This is why it’s called The Road Less Traveled not Easy Street.
You need to be devoted to the whole messy awkward experience. Yes, its also true that extraordinary things happen, that awareness opens up to the truest magic your human self will ever know. But that is the gift for sticking all of it out.
When I consider all of this I think how I hard it was for me when, over a year ago, I lost my beautiful puppy and little soulmate, Sebastian. He died last year the day before we were on vacation. We called our dog sitters every day because we knew the adjustment would be hard for the other two.
Coco sat depressed for a few days and the puppy Bisou was frustrated Coco wouldn’t play with her and so she decided she would forget all her house training and mark the house when our sitters weren’t looking. Good thing my dogs are all under 5 pounds.
When we got home they were suitably pissed off at us, and happy to see us and I was glad of our smaller family but then it hit me like a tsunami. Sebastian was only 3 pounds but there was this huge gaping silence in the house.
And no matter all my wisdom of all things spiritual and meaningful I caved in. Yes yes, I had asked for a sign on Thursday as I woke up heart aching in my throat and 20 dragonflies managed to come up to the 22nd floor of my hotel in Mexico to sit on my balcony. (Spirit knows one would not do!) And when I decided it wasn’t enough, a random photograph of my little boy showed up in my feed with a meme saying “Happy Puppy”. There was no way that all could have been “coincidence”. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Spirit and the spirit of my sweet boy were communicating with me.
Still, I didn’t know what to do. I will be honest I wanted to eat everything in the fridge. I didn’t. But I wanted to escape rather than deal with the change that called for nothing less than surrender and radical acceptance. A trip to the bookstore, research for my Spirit Animal Oracle didn’t help, nor did the organic groceries that always make me feel like I am doing some good in the world. Good for the local farmers, for our bodies bla bla bla.
I still had to go home and walk back in my house.
I had forgotten the steps of my everyday life.
I had to learn a new dance.
Our pack had to be re-defined and re-organized. Even the dogs pecking order changed as Coco awkwardly assumed the role as Alpha (truly a klutzy little thing but determined!)
Both dogs brought their toys to our bed and Coco sat defiantly in Sebastian’s blanket that we didn’t have the heart to take off the bed.
Balding, with a deformed skull, and a bum back leg our once shy loner of a little girl rose to the occasion.
We’ve all adjusted. And, we’ll adjust again as we welcome a third pup into our lives soon again.
It’s not always easy and it’s not always effortless.
I think that is the deepest most simple truth.
You can’t wait to be motivated to do life, you can’t expect to always feel blessed, and you won’t always see that things are for the highest good when they happen. Whether you experience the loss of a family member, an election result you were upset by, or happy with,, your job, your status, or conversely starting a new project that excites you, or finding true love… change, by the way, does not have to be “ bad”.
We all have to allow time for the reorganization of elements to support the emerging circumstances that will help in the evolution of the new you. And, incidentally, time is sneaky and refuses to give even a hint at the new dance steps. You’re just expected to follow along.
And so, we just have to keep dancing. Even if we fall and there’s no one to catch us.
However far down we go, we need to trust the Light within, follow it .. and keep going.
Yes, change is an awkward, gawky dance… but I am not planning on sitting this one out.
“ Anything is possible when you open your connection to the Universe”